2nd Trimester

DH Rave! (kind of long)

First, sorry- this ended up kind of long!

So, my MIL and FIL are pretty controlling and pushy about everything that involves DH and I. Normally, to my frustration, DH allows them to get away with this, but he finally stood up to them for the first time since we got married (4 years ago!).

Our due date is mid-May now (it was May 2nd but the big u/s put us back a couple of weeks), and since we live in a small rental in Germany, we discussed with MIL back in September that we would prefer that she come visit at the beginning of July. We did this because she is very pushy and controlling and we both decided that we wanted time to get to know our LO on our own terms before she came in with her advice and instructions. We also knew that having her here in our small house right after the birth would make everything even more stressful. This way, the baby will hopefully be on some type of schedule (or at least we'll be used to his), and we won't be so clueless by the time she arrives. Well, in September, she did not seem bothered by this at all. Then, we sent her the videos from our 3-D ultrasound and she started crying and said that we "had" to let her come for the birth. DH stood strong  and told her that we had already decided the arrangements and this would really be to everyone's benefit for her to wait. We are not even sure that the military will allow more the one person in the room, and even if they do, I definitely am not comfortable with it being her. No offense, we just are not close at all.

So, on Christmas Eve, we received the most hateful email from FIL. To sum it up, it basically accused DH of not caring about his family and letting me control everything. He went on to say that we WILL allow MIL to be present at the birth and that he cannot express how disappointed he is in DH. He even told DH if he wanted to be a part of their family, he better start sticking up for MIL to me (how I got blamed solely for this I have no idea!) or else he would be considered out.

I was in tears and shaking uncontrollably and DH called FIL and basically let him have it. I couldn't believe it because normally he would much rather give into them than fight with them. Of course MIL and FIL were not bending, but DH stuck up for me and our decision. I am just so proud of him. He basically told FIL that although we may make decisions they do not like, that they are OUR decisions and that sending hate mail and calling me controlling and threatening his place in the family is not acceptable. He made sure to be respectful but stood firm that they were both welcome to visit any time in July. 

Now, MIL is ok with our decision but FIL is still not talking to us. The last thing he said to me was, "Young lady, you will listen to me and you will let my wife attend the birth of her grandchild." *ick* I hope he gets past this soon, but I know now that no matter what DH will back up our little family. Smile

Re: DH Rave! (kind of long)

  • UM, Wow!  I think I would rather have him not speaking to me then have to deal with that crap. 
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  • Ugh.  I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that craziness!  Good for your DH though for standing up for his family.  At least your far enough away where they just can't "drop in"!
  • Thanks ladies. It was a rough holiday dealing with it, but I am hoping it blows over. DH and I are still a little worried that MIL will buy tickets for the due date despite our decision (DH fully thinks it is something she would do), so I am a bit nervous as to how to handle that if she does. Eeek.
  • Um, wow! I'm proud of your DH for sticking up for you guys but his parents sound a little toxic. 
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  • YAY!!!  Glad that DH stood up for you.  Sounds like his parents are a little psycho and a bit bratty.  How can he demand that you allow someone to attend your child's birth?  Grandparents do get overbearing and they forget that they already had their children.  That makes me upset and it's not even my family. 

    P.S. It's always "your" fault that you and your DH make a decision that the rest of the family doesn't like or want to change.  I had to go through that with my wedding. 

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  • Youur FIL sounds like a total a-hole...."Young Lady" ewww whatever.
  • imagerobinsokj:
    UM, Wow!  I think I would rather have him not speaking to me then have to deal with that crap. 

    this! and if she does fly out, i am sure you can make a request at the hospital that no one be allowed back to visit and that no info is given out. i know plenty about people pushing their way upon you and it SUCKS!!!

  • Your DH sounds like a real winner!  (Too bad his parents are royal pains in the butt!)  If your MIL does come for the birth anyway, you could find her a hotel room that is far, far away from your apartment and let her know that there is simply not room for her at your home at any point right now.  Also, let the hospital know that you don't want anyone but DH with you or the baby.  It's your child, not theirs!  If you need time to get used to the baby's schedule and get settled in your own routine, it's your prerogative.
  • Good for your DH for sticking up for you and your family! What is it about ILs that makes them think that their adult children are incapable of making a decision without 'coercion' from their wives?

    My MIL is the SAME WAY. Everytime DH and I make a decision together, she refuses to believe that it is really what DH wants or what we both agreed on, but rather what I 'pushed' him into. So frustrating. Unfortunately, more often than not my DH will back down to alleviate drama too. If your MIL shows up in May anyway, then she is a low, low woman...

  • Wow!  Good job DH!  If your MIL does show up without permission, simply have the nurses/doctors inform her that there's a no visitor policy in place, like a PP said.  I doubt the military personnel will take much crap from her.  :)  And there are always MPs... LOL! 

    It's your body, and YOU get to decide who's there when you're naked and pooping on the table.  Hello, for me that would NOT even be my mother, let alone my MIL.  I like to keep private stuff private. 

    Just out of curiousity, is your FIL military as well?  I ask because he barks out orders like he owns ya.  Stick out tongue

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  • imagepnf112208:

    Wow!  Good job DH!  If your MIL does show up without permission, simply have the nurses/doctors inform her that there's a no visitor policy in place, like a PP said.  I doubt the military personnel will take much crap from her.  :)  And there are always MPs... LOL! 

    It's your body, and YOU get to decide who's there when you're naked and pooping on the table.  Hello, for me that would NOT even be my mother, let alone my MIL.  I like to keep private stuff private. 

    Just out of curiousity, is your FIL military as well?  I ask because he barks out orders like he owns ya.  Stick out tongue

    No, surprisingly! He's a complete and total hippie. I think it was so hurtful because it was so shocking!
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