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So upset...Vent (kinda long)

MrandMrsAndrewsMrandMrsAndrews member
in Attachment Parenting

Ok, some background - my parents (my dad and his wife) constantly criticize my parenting.  They keep telling me to let DS cry, "he's fine", "leave him" - and I consistently say that he is too young and I don't want to leave him to cry - especially if there is something I can do to help him.  I am a firm believer that babies don't just cry for no reason - even if that means he is crying to be held.  They always respond with "well, our parents didn't/did do that and we turned out ok..." 

 Well, last night, DS was being fussy at dinner.  So, I picked him up from the swing and got the usual remarks about leaving him be.  So my step mom rolls her eyes and comes over to me and says "I will take him so you can finish eating".  Here I am thinking she is doing me a favor...

So dinner goes by and DH comes over to me and says SM just gave DS wine.  Apparently she stuck her finger in her wine glass and put it in DS' mouth - I am livid!  He then tells me she did it again.  Well, needless to say my parents are not approachable and they are ALWAYS right - so we didn't want to bring it up while we were there and make a big scene or fiasco.  So on the way home, I call and talk to my dad and ask if SM gave him wine.  My dad stumbled over his words and couldn't give me a straight answer.  That definitely answered my question...

I am so disappointed in them.  They consistently criticize my parenting no matter how many times I say that this is my choice.  And if they aren't doing it to my face, they are talking about me behind my back to my younger sister - who defends me and says "She's the mom, it's her choice".  Perhaps I am overreacting but I feel like our relationship won't be the same from this point on.  

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Re: So upset...Vent (kinda long)

  • ChuppathingyChuppathingy
    I would be livid too.  The wine probably wasn't harmful but that isn't the point.  She had no business doing anything like that.  I would simply tell them that until they can respect your parenting choices, they will not be assisting with or watching DC again unsupervised. 
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  • The_Spanish_InquisitionThe_Spanish_Inquisition

    imageChuppathingy:
    I would be livid too.  The wine probably wasn't harmful but that isn't the point.  She had no business doing anything like that.  I would simply tell them that until they can respect your parenting choices, they will not be assisting with or watching DC again unsupervised. 

    This. I ended up having to give my grandmother this ultimatum after she refused to feed my kid while she was watching him over the summer. I was EBFing on demand, and she thought he should be scheduled. DH and I went out, were gone for about 4 hours, and when we returned, the milk I had left for him was uneaten and he was sobbing. She was so proud that she "helped me see the light".

    Yeah, whatever lady. My kid, my rules. If you don't like it, lick it. My kid is more important than keeping some tenuous, disrespectful peace.

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  • Mrs_LibertoMrs_Liberto member

    imageChuppathingy:
    I would be livid too.  The wine probably wasn't harmful but that isn't the point.  She had no business doing anything like that.  I would simply tell them that until they can respect your parenting choices, they will not be assisting with or watching DC again unsupervised. 

    Ditto. Giving an infant alcohol, no matter how small an amount, is not funny or cool.

    Time to bust out the inner bytch and let them have it.

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  • Sunny1inTucsonSunny1inTucson

    holy motherfvcking hell. I apologize for the language.

    that woman would never be left alone with my child again ------ and I've never said that before.

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  • momofoliviamomofolivia
    agree with all pp.  there comes a time when the needs of your child and your family supercede the need to "make nice".  There needs to be some very strong language and very clear limits put on your family.  The undermining of your authority as the parent will only get worse as your LO gets older and real discipline begins.
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  • JulieandBenJulieandBen member

    I would be livid too. It's going to be a shame the next time your smil asks to hold your baby and you refuse to let the baby out of your sight.

    Sure they turned out fine being allowed to fuss and cry. Babies also turn out fine being raised other ways. 

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  • cindy453cindy453
    I'm sorry, but why in the world would your H not have stepped in RIGHT AWAY the first time she did that? Obviously you couldn't stop her from doing it the first time, but letting her do it TWICE? That's not the time to pull your spouse aside and quietly tell them something- your baby shouldn't be eating/drinking anything but formula/BM anyway, but it's also ILLEGAL. I am floored that nobody stepped in right away. Sometimes you need to "make a scene".
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  • lkstorlkstor
    I would be upset about the lack of respect for your parenting choices. And it is very inappropriate for her to give your baby food or drink of any kind without your permission. But the small amount of alcohol on her finger is not harmful.
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  • jshfjshf member
    I would have been so pissed if someone did that to my son!  I already have a hard time with people telling me not to hold the baby too much.  I mean he is freaking 6 weeks old!  This is why I decided to SAH.  I can't bear the thought of how someone letting my LO cry for hours needlessly or give them something like wine!
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  • fallbridequeenfallbridequeen
    I  would be absolutely livid.  And I despise the "we turned out ok" reasoning.  I'm not interested in my kid turning out "fine", I want to raise him to his fullest potential, happy and healthy.  I'm sorry, but giving a baby alcohol, no matter how small the amount, is not turning out "fine", IMO.  Your parents need a wake up call from you and your DH, otherwise, it will only get worse.  GL.
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  • HippinskiHippinski

    imagecindy453:
    I'm sorry, but why in the world would your H not have stepped in RIGHT AWAY the first time she did that? Obviously you couldn't stop her from doing it the first time, but letting her do it TWICE? That's not the time to pull your spouse aside and quietly tell them something- your baby shouldn't be eating/drinking anything but formula/BM anyway, but it's also ILLEGAL. I am floored that nobody stepped in right away. Sometimes you need to "make a scene".

    She said it better, and nicer, then I could have.

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  • englishviolaenglishviola
    imageMrandMrsAndrews:

      They always respond with "well, our parents didn't/did do that and we turned out ok..." 

     

    Obviously they didn't turn out "ok." They turned into people who would feed a baby alcohol. Ugh. 

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  • Angela814Angela814 member
    imagecindy453:
    I'm sorry, but why in the world would your H not have stepped in RIGHT AWAY the first time she did that? Obviously you couldn't stop her from doing it the first time, but letting her do it TWICE? That's not the time to pull your spouse aside and quietly tell them something- your baby shouldn't be eating/drinking anything but formula/BM anyway, but it's also ILLEGAL. I am floored that nobody stepped in right away. Sometimes you need to "make a scene".
    This. There's no way he should have gotten a second finger of wine if someone saw the first. I would have ripped my child out of her arms, and I'm not one to make a scene.
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  • JackiTigerJackiTiger
    Oh.my.God.  You are not overreacting at all.  I would be freaking out.  I'm sorry they're being so crazy.
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