? for those who conceived via IF treatments

LakeGenevaBride · December 2009

Hello, I guess I'm new here (been lurking for awhile

I'm just starting to tell people of my twin pregnancy. We didn't really tell many people of our 2 1/2 years TTC or all our IVF cycles, although I'm sure close family suspected. So far every time I tell someone I'm having twins I get the following 2 questions: 1. Were you surprised? and 2. Do twins run in your family? The honest answer would be "yes, I'm surprised and thrilled I finally got pg after a long and difficult road" and "No, they do not run in my family, but I don't think anyone in my family did IVF" (I don't have the guts to actually say this though!)

So my question is, did you tell people of your IVF (or IUI, etc) when they ask about the twins? Part of me wants to keep it a secret, but then again maybe someone out there is going through the same thing and I could be a resource. But part of my just wants to "normal" now that I'm finally pg (although I'm not sure if this will ever happen).

Carmela752 · December 2009

I edit my answer based on the person asking.

If they seem like a nosy judgmental busy-body, yes they run in my family. (Which is technically true, but didn't have anything to do with my particular twins.)

If they seem like they honestly want to know, or if they seem like they might also be someone suffering from IF, I will tell them all the gory details they can handle.

daisybride78 · December 2009

We were pretty open with our families and close friends about our IF struggles, so many of them knew that we did IVF and knew that the twins were a result of that. However, I never really went into it with co-workers, acquaintances or strangers. Some people would outright ask if we did infertility treatments, and depending on the person, I might share with them, but my response, to the "do twins run in your family" question is always, "no, we just got lucky" Most people leave it after that.

However, I will say that if you just want to be a "normal" pregnant lady, you probably won't get your wish. People gush over you and you'll get a lot more attention being pregnant with twins than with a singleton. Towards the end of the pregnancy, you will be repeating this over and over in answer to everyone's questions:

"yes, I know I look huge. No, they're not due for another (2, 4, 6) weeks. Yes, we're having twins. We're having (insert sex here). Yes, we are excited. No, we just got lucky."

LOL.....I have repeated that over and over to SO many people! But honestly, twins are such a blessing that and sometimes the attention is fun.

Congrats on your twin pregnancy and try to enjoy it. Honestly, it goes by SO fast!

LakeGenevaBride · December 2009

Thanks, When I say I want to be "normal", I mean not being the infertile girl driving all over to doctor's appt's, injecting myself 3 times a day, being sad after hearing every PG announcement, and cringing when I hear it was unplanned. I fully look forward to being gushed over as a pg twin mom!!!!

MrsBee10 · December 2009

I totally get the wanting to be 'normal' thing. When I finally got pregnant, I didn't want to talk about If anymore. I just wanted to focus all my energy on the pregnancy. You will still end up driving to all kinds of Dr's appointment though - that part won't change )

fallbride110406 · December 2009

We tell everyone that our babies are the result of our second IVF attempt. If anyone has the b@lls to say something ignorant or negative to our faces, they'll get a smartass remark right back. We don't care what people think.

CateElizabeth · December 2009

I'm a weird case because there are twins in my family on my mom's side, but they're on my grandfather's side (his sisters, my mom's aunts), so I really don't think that's a factor. Yet, I don't feel bad about lying when people ask me "do twins run in your family?" which I get ALL the time! Technically I am not lying! Very few people know they're they're the result of IF treatments.

lisa&andy · December 2009

Our close friends and family know about it, but I don't say anything to the strangers that ask. We get the "do twins run in your family?" and I just say "they do now" or I just say yes if I am in a hurry. I really got the question when I was pregnant, now not so much. Like a PP, I gear my response to each situation, I don't mind talking to people about our issues, especcially if they are going through the same problems, but for the average nosy person, I won't.

atc282 · December 2009

First of all...CONGRATS and Welcome!!

Second...as one who struggled with infertility, too, I totally understand where you're coming from. At first, we didn't tell family (only a friend of mine knew b/c she and her DH were TTC), but after a few failed cycles of Clomid, then injectibles and IUIs, I decided to tell my family.--Emotionalluy, it felt better to confide in my sister and om! DH preferred not to tell his fam

though. It's whatever makes you and DH feel comfortable!! It's your business and thankfully now it's your excitement, too, so you have the privacy of telling or not telling....either way, you are blessed with your babies on board!!

The "were you surprised?" answer I used was almost always "yes! we feel so blessed!" in exception to those who either were considering IVF or close friends of mine, to whom I'd then explain our situation--and at the end of the story, still say, "we're so blessed!"

As for the "do they run in the family?" I just vaired my answer based on who asks. For ex., a stranger, I'd say "yeah, on both sides of our families" (which is true...just not in any recent generation!!), to some I'd say "they do now!" and laugh.

Personally, I respect my DH's preference to not tell his side of the family, but it's a lot easier being open about it and not having to worry about how I choose to answer any random Qs with my side of the family (who knows and supported our IVF decision).

Best of luck and again...CONGRATS!!!!

Danse · December 2009

First of all - CONGRATULATIONS!

Next, those questions won't stop and people get more brazen once they see the babies. My friends and family know about IVF - but random strangers? I just tell them they run in my family and it was a pleasant surprise. I don't have time to get into it anyway, KWIM?

amcam24 · December 2009

Congrats on your twins!

My twins are from clomid, and I'm open about it. People in MY OWN FAMILY ask if they run in our family. Idiots. LOL. I say, no, I was on fertility drugs. I'm comfortable talking about it though, so I think it's a personal decision.

efhoping2010 · December 2009

First of all welcome

This is a great board that is very informative and supportive. Second, we have told only a very few close friends and our parents about IVF and DH's dx of Azoo, not even our siblings, see siggie My DH does not want anyone to know about our IF struggles and IVF because it is due to his dx which has been a major struggle for him. I think it is very tough to feel normal after dealing with IF, I am still hoping to get there Congrats again

srh08.05.06 · December 2009

Congratulations on your twins! We never told anyone we were going through IF treatments. I wasn't necessarily opposed to it but my DH preferred to not tell anyone. Luckily twins do run in my family (my mom is a fraternal twin), so when people ask, I just say "yes, they do run in my family, my mom is a twin." But trust me, I get so sick of being asked that same question over and over again! I do feel bad lying, but I also feel like it's none of people's business

Well, congrats again and just do what you feel comfortable with!

nygrl79 · December 2009

I've decided early on not to tell people that the twins are a result of IF treatments. I feel that it is none of their business, family or not. In fact, other than my sister and my DH, no one knows. I like it that way.

If someone conflined in me about their IF problems, I would share my story with them, but otherwise, I just don't feel like going there.

blossom · December 2009

No, I didn't share with everyone my IF struggles or that we did IVF to conceive. We wanted to keep our TTC efforts private. I only told 2 friends and my parents. Actually, I wouldn't have even told my parents but they guessed and asked me point blank when we announced our twin pg. I am glad I didn't tell everyone and anyone cause I wouldn't have wanted to deal with the questions/comments/judgements.

However, this is a personal decision for everyone. There is no right or wrong answer.

LMK8605 · December 2009

I don't care who knows so I just say - Yes we were suprised and that they are our miracles. If they ask if twins run in the family I say "they will run all over the family now

"... it leaves people confused but I don't care. Bottom line - babies are here, they are awesome and if anybody wants to know how they got here I tell them... lots of time, money, and effort.

eileenm21 · December 2009

my parents and DHs parents knew, but we haven't told anyone else. The reasoning behind that though is a difference of opinion. DH feels very private about it and does not want to share, I actually am fine with telling anyone. But respecting his feelings is very important to me so I just keep the secret. I will say though, thankfully twins do run on both my mother's and father's side and they run on DHs side. Now most people don't realize that it doesn't matter what runs on DHs side since sperm can't make you ovulate 2 eggs, but since people are not in the know on that and the twins actually did a reading at our wedding which all our friends came to the church and remeber them and say "oh aren't there twins on his side too - the ones that read at your wedding?", most people think that's a factor, so I let them ; )

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