PPA? — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

PPA?

I have been having some pretty intense anxiety, but it's not all surrounding LO. Since she has been here I've had issues with cars. Even if she is not in the vehicle I get really tense when in motion (esp. if someone else is driving.) I constantly feel like someone is going to veer into my lane, ram into my car, and kill my whole family. I have to close my eyes to keep myself semi-calm when my husband is driving. Not sure where it came from, because I always considered myself an aggressive driver... now I'm like an 80 year old woman in Buick Century.

I'm a danger to anyone who is in a car with me because I lose my shiit when someone gets REMOTELY close to my car. If someone is swerving a bit, or veering a little I'm having a panic attack and freaking out the driver. Ugh.

 

Just me? Anyone? Anyone?

 

Re: PPA?

  • I'm anxious in the car, but moreso at home. I am very worried something bad will happen to Sam or myself and DH will be left alone and helpless without me. I worry about dying and having Sam grow up without a mom (I'm fine, not sick, just sick in the head.) I worry about him falling on the floor and cracking his head open all the time. I worry he'll fall asleep and not wake up.  I worry about baby stealers when we're out shopping. I am scared to do a lot of things at home (like give Sam a bath - we cobathe) when DH is not home.

    The new van we got tho has onstar, so I'm thankful that if there was something wrong I could push that and we would be ok. But at home, if I don't have the phone handy, I really worry about emergencies.

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  • I've had similar thoughts in the car. If I'm alone in the car I worry about DH raising DS alone. If we're in the car together, I'm worried about DS. When DH goes to work I fear he won't come home and I'll lose the house and have to move back to Jersey with my mom.

    This all isn't necessarily new PP, I've been medicated since 06 for anxiety. On meds I have the scary thoughts far less often and when I do, they allow me to say "that's not likely" and "worrying about it doesn't prepare or protect me from it" and drop it.

    Anxiety is a wacky thing, since you can recognize you are out of control and yet you cannot stop yourself from panicking. There's always that little voice saying "yeah, but what if..." You aren't alone.

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