This might not be the best place to post this, but I have no idea where to go with this. 14 years ago my first niece was found not breathing during her afternoon nap when she was 2.5 months old. My Gram (a retired nurse) had found her right after she had stopped breathing and was able to recessitate her. My niece never woke up, but lived on a ventilator for the next 11 days in the hospital before my sister made the heart wrenching decision to turn off the ventilator. The autopsy came back undetermined, but all doctors said it was most likely SIDS, but it couldn't be classified that way since she was recessitated and lived 11 more days.
I was 15 y/o at the time. I have been terrified of caring for infants ever since. My DH and I waited a long time to have one of our own b/c I wanted to make sure I could emotionally handle caring for an infant. Now that DS is here, I am an anxious mess every day. Whether it be SIDS, or something else I think up. I constantly worry that something is wrong - does he have a fever? Is he pale today? Does he have a bowel obstruction? Is his breathing not right and he's having an asthma attack? Anything and everything. But his sleep time is the worst time for me. He is napping right now and I have so much anxiety over his every breath. If I feel too much time lapses in between his breathing I pretty much wake him up to calm my own fears. The anxiety increases every day as he gets closer to the age my niece was when she died.
My doctor said if the anxiety gets too bad to call her. But she would want to put me on medication. Medication is not going to change the worry. It's not going to change the fact that my niece died and that fear and memory is always in the forefront of my mind. Each day that I get more anxious I am starting to have small panic attacks. I called DH at work crying yesterday and begged him to come home b/c I thought something was wrong with our son. This isn't good or healthy for anyone in our family, but I don't know how to make the anxious feelings go away.I want to be able to enjoy my son and this time with him without extreme worry and anxiety. But I don't know how to make it go away, or if it is even possible. I know all parents worry, but I need to get some control over this and I'm not sure how to do that.