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Seriously.....ANOTHER IRL is ku....SERIOUSLY goin' 2 lose it....

bebebluesbebeblues
in TTC After a Loss

I really just don't know how much more I can take. Apparently my friends didn't tell me that this girl was ku bc they thought I'd be super sensitive to it....she's due in May. She's one of the moms at playgroup that i knew was ttc. That leaves ONE other mom besides me, and I know she's already started Clomid again......

I swear....I am soooooooooooooooooo ready to lose it. I wanted nothing more than to just sit down, puke, and then cry hysterically......

Then I go through feeling guilty bc I get angry that I care so much. I feel like I'm letting dd down and feel guilty for that. I broke down and called dh----who is WAY too chill about the whole conceiving thing anyway.......all he said was, "I love u. I'm sorry SIL had to blurt that out to you......just don't stress over it. You don't know what's in store for us......."

I should also mention that this lady brought in twin girls---probably around 11 months old or so.......I want twins soooooo bad.....I'd love to have another girl so that dd had a sister.......I just feel extremely emotional and upset today.....probably just the holidays-----or maybe prepping for AF?? (I didn't use opts or check my cm this cycle----so it's possible I'm due for AF on time this time........atleast that would be lucky.....honest to God, I'd just be happy to see a normal cycle this time.....honestly.....)

Sheesh.....I'm rambling......someone shut me up.....

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Re: Seriously.....ANOTHER IRL is ku....SERIOUSLY goin' 2 lose it....

  • Tinybride08Tinybride08
    Aww man. I'm sorry. I'm irrationally angry for you. I'm angry at this girl for being KU as silly as that sounds. Maybe I'm angry at the world right now because the witch is in town for me. Hope you feel better tomorrow.
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  • sweetbossom83sweetbossom83
    man, slap in the face.. sorry hun I understand. I work with like 100 other women. 4 were pg now 5 are :( sucks.. (((BIG HUGS)))
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  • Court1Court1
    Sorry, I feel your pain.  My bff is ku, and 4, yes 4 other close friends are trying.  I'm sure I'll get word any day now that the rest of the are ktfu too.  Any chance you could be ku this time??
    Connor Thomas 6/6/08. Discovered missed miscarriage at 17 wks 3 days, D&C 11/25/09. Please, please, please - BFP 5/21/11, EDD 2/1/11. Beta@12DPO=52, Beta@14DPO=158. U/S 7/7/11 shows strong baby measuring a couple days ahead!!! Pregnancy Ticker
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  • Pixie21Pixie21 member
    Yikes... I'm sorry! I was in the same position last week, except the girl was a co-worker.  I decided to go get a massage, pick up a bottle of wine, and rent a movie with my husband to make me feel better.  I hope you feel better soon, and hope you get to be the one announcing a BFP soon. ((Hugs))
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  • TapsalteerieTapsalteerie member

    Awwwww, hon.  We've all been at the point one time or another.  Don't feel like you need to shut up.  That is what we are here for.  So you can vent your frustrations and TTC is definitely on big, fat frustration.

    (((Hugs))) to you.  I hope that you feel better.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • swanckswanck

    Oh sweetie!

    I SO understand.  It just feels like you keep getting beaten down.  Of COURSE you will be full of emotion.  You have the right to be. 

    Don't feel guilty about your DD..... you couldn't love her anymore.  That doesn't mean you don't desire another piece to your family.  

    I am sorry for the ups and downs that this process brings.  Hang in there.  And know that I am praying for you.

    You will get the desires of your heart. 

    Loveyou girl!

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  • bebebluesbebeblues

    Thanks girls. I just feel so defeated at this point. I think a lot of it is my hopes/dreams of being ku through the holidays, and realizing that it is completely, utterly, and absolutely impossible for that to happen......is making it worse.

    I just can't believe it's not happening. I can't believe I'm STILL trying. Just so frustrated and emotionally spent on the whole process. A friend of mine said a few weeks ago (in reference to possible engagement) " I wish God could come down and sit beside me and tell me what's going to happen"......I do to. I wish He'd tell me when it's going to happen----or why it isn't happening.....or if it ever will..........I mean, why would this desire still be in my heart if I weren't supposed to want more children? Why does it ache for me to be pregnant again? Why?

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  • swanckswanck

    I wish there were some answers. 

    But I wanted to share this verse with you.  I get so tired, emotionally, spiritually, physically - because of all this process of infertility and loss bring.   I try to remember to find my strength in the Lord.

    I hope this verse will give you the strength you need for the days to come.

    "Do you not know?
           Have you not heard?
           The LORD is the everlasting God,
           the Creator of the ends of the earth.
           He will not grow tired or weary,
           and his understanding no one can fathom.

     29 He gives strength to the weary
           and increases the power of the weak.

     30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
           and young men stumble and fall;

     31 but those who hope in the LORD
           will renew their strength.
           They will soar on wings like eagles;
           they will run and not grow weary,
           they will walk and not be faint."

     

    Love you girl.  Know that I'm praying for you.

     

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  • lisseeelisseee
    Awwww, I'm sorry sweetie.  :(    *offers (very non-pg) shoulder*   I totally understand. 
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