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Multiples
brownidgrl611
member
Help! Getting custody of my SIL's twins
brownidgrl611
member
in Multiples
So I can't really go into details but my DH and I will be getting custody of my SIL's twin boys on Monday. They are one month old and a few days. My ds is 15 months old and quite demanding so needless to say I'm a little freaked out at the thought of caring for newborn twins on top of a toddler. I'll be going from 1 kid to 3 in a matter of days! I could really use some tips, advice, anything you're willing to give me! Thanks ladies 
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Re: Help! Getting custody of my SIL's twins
Wow. First, thank you for being willing to take care of 2 babies who need you.
I don't have any parenting recs yet bc my boys aren't here, but hang out on this board, go through the FAQ at the top, post specific questions. There are lots of ladies here with a lot of experience to help you out. GL.
OMG! Good luck! You can do this. I don't have my twins yet but I'll tell you what I've learned from the lovely ladies with twins around here and in RL.
First and foremost is that schedule is everything. Either you and your husband should consider working in shifts (like, 5 hours each) or something else so each of you get some sleep. I've been told that when one baby wakes up, you have to wake the other no matter how hard it is. If you don't and you let them have opposing schedules, you will truly never sleep.
Get some help for the first month or two if you can, even if you just get a few hours here and there for rest!
Do you have any twin parenting books yet? There are some good ones out there...
OMG I wish I was more helpful. You'll get more tips I'm sure - but I want to wish you all the best!!
The biggest tip I have is to get and keep the twins on the same schedule. When one wakes to eat wake and feed the other as well, even at night. This is the only way you will get sleep.
Two bouncies will be very helpful for bottle feeding on your own. Sit with your back against a couch or wall and put a bouncy on each side of you. You can do the same with two boppies but the babies may be more prone to slipping down in the boppy until they are larger. The nice thing about the boppy is that you can also turn a baby over and pat their back for burping while the other is eating.
The Double Snap N Go is a great starter double stroller (not sure about whether or not you'd want to invest in a triple/how long you'll have the boys). There are other MoMs with an older child plus twin infants that may be able to help you if you need a recommendation for a triple stroller.
You will be going through a lot of formula -- I found it easiest to make it in a big Pampered Chef "Quick Stir" pitcher ahead of time (24 hours worth at a time) or you can do smaller batches in a Dr. Brown's pitcher (found at BRU).
Come here and ask questions if you have them and good luck.
Wow! I can see how that would be pretty overwhelming at first. That's wonderful that you are there for them though. Are the twins healthy? Any medical issues? I'm glad you found this board! Ditto RobynK's suggestions and I also do recommend reading the FAQs at the top of this board; they will help. Also, there's a link to my blog in my siggy. I have a list on there of stuff you will need with twins. I'm sure you have a lot of it already from your DS and hopefully the twins already have some stuff, but it might give you ideas of whatever else you need.
I also definitely agree with trying to get the babies into the same routine. EASY (Eat/Activity/Sleep/You) works well for a lot of us.
((((HUGS))) and good luck!
You can totally do it!
I'm assuming when they get to you they will likely eat about every three hours during the day. Your goal for the first day is to live in three hour intervals. Sounds bad but wait -- hear me out! Since they are still so young it's likely you will get a short little catnap out of them every three hour interval, right? They will eat, right? They will get some tummy time, right? So just plan your day by the 3 hour intervals.
By the end of the first day you will feel (and be) super woman. By the the end of the first week you will be completely worn out but you will have one week under your belt and you will KNOW you can make it through the next one.
Something else to keep in mind -- with just one baby it's likely you may have added bathtime as part of your bedtime routine. Remember, little babies don't need a bath every day so don't stress about it. It's okay if you bathe them once a week and it does not have to be at the same time or even in the same day. Do what works for you.
You'll do great!
Actually they are getting pumped breastmilk in a bottle so they eat every 2 hours. 3 hours would be like a dream come true, lol. It takes 30-45 mins to feed both of them, then change their diapers and/or clothes and swaddle and then it's time to repeat again in only one hour! Okay I'm really getting nervous now...haha
Ok, I ditto the two boppies.
Could you hire someone to come in and do laundry, clean, general housekeeping once a week?
Oh, I remember those days! (((HUGS))) and hang in there. Will they be getting the pumped breastmilk indefinitely or switching over to formula? For their sake I hope they can keep getting the BM but I know if they do switch to formula they should be able to go 2.5-3 hrs! Mine did that till 8 weeks and then they shifted on their own to eating every 4 hrs, which was a big improvement!
Definitely try feeding them in two Boppys at the same time, then you can move to two bouncy seats when they're a little bigger.
So sad that the one baby has a broken leg.
I'm in tears - thinking of the baby's broken leg, and knowing that thing must have been bad for you to be getting custody - and knowing that you are so wonderful you'll take them both in!
My son was 2y2mo when the twins were born - so a little older than your child, but I still know what it's like to have a twin + toddler - so any time you need help let me know. You can email me at my nest name @att.net too, if you need to talk --- you're in for a big challenge- but one you CAN do - and will have a lot of joy from, too!
I think the advice of schedule is great. My boys were on a schedule right away and were STTN by 8 weeks - schedules help a lot - with twins especially.
Your main concern will be to make sure your child does not feel resentful - so remind yourself that the babies are sort of in the "luggage" stage - meaning, they can easily be put down and do nothing for a while - so you can play with your other LO.
My twins like to sit in their bouncy seats and watch Griffin and I play - it's a good way to involve all 3 together --- yet, your older one feels like the only one getting attention (which is good!)
Never leave your older one with the babies alone at all ... if you have to go to the bathroom- make sure you take your toddler with you or put in a PNP, etc... you'll also want a safe place for the babies to be --- we removed the back cusions from one of our couches and put the bouncy seats up on the couch - so they were not down on the floor where my toddler could fall on them.
this will be a big transition for you all - happening really fast and unexpected (compared to being pg for 9mo and knowing it will happen) so just take it easy- one day at a time- (one hour at a time, too!) and know that it will work--- you CAN do it !! We're all here any time!
forgot to mention - you should contact your local twins club - google search and i'm sure you'll find it.... if you need items they would probably be more than happy to donate them --- moms of twins love to get rid of things when they are done with them - to make space in the house.
I agree, kudos to you!
You def. need a DSNG stroller and 2 infant car seats to make life easier. Get 2 boppys and if you can 2 bouncy seats. I recommend the boppy bouncy seat. My kids both love the swing now. we just have 1 swing.
I agree with the advice from the other ladies.... the most important thing for me is keeping them on the same schedule.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! It will be hard at times but it is so wonderful for these boys to have someone like you... ((hugs))
Ditto what PPs have said, especially Robyn with the scheduling and boppies and Goldie with contacting your local twins club. And I know how scary the idea of this must seem but YOU CAN DO IT! We're all hear to help so don't be afraid to ask any question, no matter how silly it seems.
The best piece of advice I got when my girls were that little was that crying won't kill them. I know it sounds stupid, but there are times when you'll feel like your head is going to explode from all of the noise and chaos. If you need a break, put them in their cribs and give yourself a few minutes. You'll feel better afterward and they won't remember anyway. Hugs!
ditto what all of the pps have said and Teeveegirl said what I was going to say that if they cry its ok. I remember having all three cry at me at once andn trying to feed them all bottles and I would stress and cry over it. Just tend to the one crying THE MOST if need be but with two you should be able to do the boppy or buzzy and sit up against the wall to feed them both. I know some people say propping bottles is awful, but once they get a little bigger (not having sucky/swallowing issues) I'd say prop a bottle if you need to. As long as you can watch them still for any issues. I just remember not having enough hands and NEEDING to prop while I changed another diaper or burped or whatever.
GL and you are doing such an amazing thing by helping them out!
Everyone told me and always talks about having to put both babies on a schedule. I never did. Even to this day other moms will ask me if they are on a schedule and I say "well every day is different and some days they are, some days they aren't." And I have 4 kids. I understood the reasoning for the schedule, however I did not want to wake a sleeping baby and couldn't understand how you make a baby eat when they are not hungry. I tried and they would just not eat unless they wanted it. Yes, some days are crazy and in the beginning it is difficult, but you survive by living day by day and even hour by hour at times. You just do the best you can and when you get that relief of having your dh or any other helpers walk in the door, things will get a little easier. And take all the help you can when it is offered.
I give you alot of props for taking these babies into your home and I'm sure you will do just fine.
I was just going to post the same thing- I have seen ppl post on my local MoM board about needing help & lots of ppl volunteer to come over. When my twins were first born (and I didn't have a toddler too!) having someone come over to help with even just one feeding and to hold one of them for a little while was such a relief...you might be surprised how many people will help you (strangers even), especially given your circumstances & how wonderful you & YH are opening your home to these babies!!!! Good luck!!!!
I would invest in two swings. They can play/sleep/rest/stay while you are doing other things. Also, if ANYONE offers to help, take it. You can put them to clean or fold clothes.
GL with everything!
I agree with everybody else: You are doing such a wonderful thing for these kids by taking them in. Big, big hugs to you!
And you can find your local twin club here. Seriously, find the club website and send an email to them saying exactly what you told us, and I'm certain they will be a tremendous help.
And of course, come here if you need any help with the day-to-day logistics of caring for 1 + infant twins.
i'm lurking here... I have nannied 50hr/week for triplets for the past 2 yrs (since they were 6wks old) and altho i do get a full night's sleep at night and cannot imagine having multiples i wanted to offer a suggestion for any new mommy.... contact the local highschool and you should be able to get in touch with a home economics teacher or something like that. She should be able to give ur number to a promising high school student to come help out a little bit since it is winter break right now. You may not feel comfortable leaving her with the kids, but she would be a great extra hand. The teacher may even be willing offer her extra credit as an insentive so you don't have to pay her. I did this a lot in high school.
Good luck and i think it is great that you are giving the babies such a chance for a good life! I'm assuming it wasn't one before the custody change
You can do this! It is very normal to doubt yourself, but you really will be able to get through this. My boys are 16 months apart. It is hard, but I am able to do it, and it is even a lot of fun at times. One of the best pieces of advice I was given is that your toddler will be more affected by your actions, so tend to his needs first. Sometimes M and/or W have to cry for a few minutes because Rhett really needs some snuggles - and that is okay. Also, if you don't already have something, get something really comfortable to wear a baby in, because you will need to do so a lot. The most comfortable thing for me when they were really little was the sling, now it is the Moby or the Ergo - pricey, but totally worth it. When I go shopping I either put Rhett in the cart seat and pull it behind me while pushing the duoglider with the babies or I wear a baby and push the cart with Rhett in the front and a carrier in the basket. It all depends on how much I have to get. I also use the wrap to wear a fussy baby around the house to get our clothes washed and put up occasionally.
My toddler is also very high needs. He is super attached to us. We can't even leave the living room to go into the kitchen without him crying, but he really is adapting and becoming a little more independent (slowly but surely!). My twins spend a lot of time in their bouncies, play mat or swing. I bf them, then we alternate playing on the play mat or bouncy, then they go to the swings for nap time. We do this in 2-3 hour shifts and their naps give me some time with Rhett. I will tell you that absolutely nothing gets done around my house. We have decided to be okay with this because we know it is just for a season. If you can get someone to come in and clean your house that would probably really help you. My DH has been out of work for almost a year, so we couldn't, but it really would have helped! Also, meal times are the absolute hardest for me. You may have to do really easy microwave-type stuff for lunch for your DS that you maybe wouldn't normally be okay with until you get into a routine. My local nesties filled my deep freezer with meals twice and that is still how we get to eat most nights.
The hardest time for me was before I got into my groove. Once we got into a routine it got so much easier. Good luck - as pps have said you are doing a wonderful thing. Feel free to page or email me if you have specific questions. Kim777 at aol dot com or I am always on the Austin Baby Board. Sometimes I can't participate over here as much as I would like to.
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