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Pregnant after a Loss
PurpleK26
member
Apparently a hospital birth makes you a bad parent...
PurpleK26
member
This was my friends FB status tonight:
finally was able to really have a good conversation with E*** about her birth. J***and I were able to apologize for what happened and really pour on the love! What a difference it is already making. Birth is part of all of us and it is one of the first acts of parenting we do. Be wary of the convience and comfort track...you are a parent first.
She thinks that her 5 year old remembers being born in a hospital under bright lights... and apparently that has scarred her for life!
and I guess delivering with the convienence of a hospital makes you not a parent first....
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Re: Apparently a hospital birth makes you a bad parent...
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. -Eleanor Roosevelt
After 1 year of TTC#2 BFP May 2011 m/c #3 4w2d. Off to RE.
Round 1: Femara + Ovidrel +TI = BFP! EDD 2/20/12
2IF does not always equal 3IF...Surprise!
Pro-natural birth? Great!
Anti-hospital? Get your brains checked.
So, E*** is her FIVE-YEAR-OLD? Wow...
I love wack jobs. They are my favorite!
WTH? I can't imagine what the five year old's half of the conversation was. That is just too weird.
Yikes. I know we all have our "issues" in life to deal with, but I feel sorry for that kid... she'll probably have some big therapy bills in the future.
Nope... .home schooled!
I'm sure the child is even MORE messed up now! I can't imagine the poor things face when mommy brought this topic to her attention! UGH.
?FREAKS!?
um, i think i need to spend christmas having a pow-wow with my mom over why she gave birth to me in a hospital AND why she never apologized for it. really, the nerve!
I have no response to this other than - cukoo. cukoo.
You know I have a very different reaction to this. While I don't think her DC is traumatized from the bright lights and convenience track, I understand where she is coming from. Believe it or not there is such a thing as birth trauma, which is mostly experienced by the mother. I won't burden you with the threats that were made or the unnecessary measures that were taken, but I will say this. My husband and I are well-educated, average members of society, but we have made the decision to birth at home this time because we both experienced birth trauma when DS was born. I struggled with PPD, DH had delayed bonding with DS because of the guilt he felt over his birth, and we struggled with secondary infertility. I know those things affected my DS and sometimes I feel guilty for being less informed than I should have been. I wish I had given as much consideration to James' birth that I am giving to Sydney's. I'm sure that sounds silly to you, because there seems to be some mentality that giving birth to a healthy baby is all that matters and while that is the number one priority, we should be concerned for the health of the mother mentally and physically as well. Her apology is a way for her to work through her own guilt and trauma. Instead of ridiculing her, we should be supporting her.
It took me 2 years to come to grips with my c-section and recognize it was a positive experience because it led me to be more informed about my body and my birth choices. Even though I hate that I had one, I'm thankful because it formed so much of who I am today. To get to that realization though I had to work through resentment, anger, and depression. Birth trauma is a very real thing, and it saddens me that people want to mock those who speak out about it. Because at the end of the day, all I care about is supporting other women through it.
Explains alot...poor thing is going to be so sheltered. She will probably start rebelling at age 16!
I have no problem with home birth. I do think that you're being risky planning a home birth this time when you'll be doing a VBAC for the first time and don't know if there will be life threatening issues or not, but to each her own. I really don't have a problem with home births, I just know that I'll be so much more comfortable with everything being monitored.
I have a problem with her implying that people who deliver in a hospital aren't being 'parents first' as she puts it.
There are other issues. From talking to her I know that she completely blames the hospital for all of her birth issues. If I were her and believed that someone could remember their birth, I wouldn't be apologizing for the hospital doing their job, I'd be apologizing for the fact that I refused a c/s, even though she was swimming in meconium. I'd apologize that I chose to put her through a birth canal that was too small for her.
Like I said, I have other issues with her as well, as much as I love her. But, i feel that not only is that TMI for a FB status, she's making alot of people feel guilty who've delivered in hospitals, when they really have nothing to feel guitly about.
Don't worry about me VBACing at home. It is much safer to VBAC at home than it is to VBAC at a hospital, which often employ drugs known to cause uterine rupture in VBAC patients, and it is much safer than the risk of a repeat abdominal surgery. It is the safest way I can deliver, and I have an amazing birth team that I know will make the right calls if complications arise.
I'm just saying that by posting this with no backstory and implying she is a crazy homeschooling mom, you do a lot of damage to the efforts of those of us who are trying to work though something traumatic. If the backstory shows she is a crazy than that should be included up front, otherwise we all get lumped in with "crazy and irresponsible" and most of us are very well-informed, smart parents.
Sorry, I just didn't want to post an enormously long story. I do however still think that the idea of having this conversation with a 5 year old is inappropriate, whether there is any back story or not. Kind of like when kids fall down, they sometimes look around first to see if they're going to get a reaction from anyone before they get upset.
If they're talking to her because of their own guilt, which it seems they are, I think they're making a bigger deal out of it than it really should be for a 5 year old. I can see that a bad birth experience (which, by the way, I've heard hers in all it's glory, and it's really not bad at all compared to some things I read on here!) might have an effect on the parents, but I think there are appropriate ways to deal with it, and I don't think those ways include aplogizing to a 5 year old.
I really do hope your VBAC goes as well as you hope... I'd just be wayyy to scared to do it! I'd attempt it in a hospital and refuse all meds, but I'd never be brave enough to do it at home in case there was a problem!
Word!