- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
3rd Trimester
Anyone worried about their DH when the baby comes?
So a couple times since I've gotten pregnant my SO will make a comment like "I hope you don't love the baby more than me" or "I'm gonna be jealous because you're gonna be so in love with the baby" (accompanied with a sad face). And the other night we were talking about bf and he said "I don't think the baby will have a problem bf, he's gonna be such a momma's boy that I'm sure he'll love sucking on your breasts!" I literally laughed out loud. He always says this in a a playful/joking manner but I know that deep down that is an issue that he's going to have, otherwise he wouldn't have said that, joking or not. I always reassure them that he is my #1 and that I will always love him the most bc he is the reason why I will have DS, yadda yadda yadda...
So my question is, is anyone else worried about their SO being jealous and if so, how are you going to make him feel comfortable about it?
I know this is really common and that a lot of men stray when a baby comes bc they aren't getting the attention they need and I just want to know if you ladies had thought about it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone worried about their DH when the baby comes?
I think in the beginning, it is key to keep the men involved as much as possible so that they don't feel useless. Try to split everything (except feedings if BF) and maybe let him give a bottle everyday. I think that even if you plan of EBF, this is a good idea. You never know when an emergency could happen and LO needs to be bottle fed. Let DH do that.
At night, when DH is home and LO is sleeping, keep things normal between DH and yourself... spend time, talk, just like always. A newborn is sure to flip your world upside down, but it is possible to keep things between DH and yourself just as it's always been!!
Don't worry.. and maybe talk to him about your concerns now.
i'm a little worried, i'm afraid that my SO is just taking this whole pregnancy one day at a time, just as it comes, i hope he doesnt freak out when LO gets here and decides it's too much...
but i don't think that's what's gonna happen. i think he's gonna see his little boy and fall head over heels in love. :]]
First off,,,that is a kick butt picture in your siggy.
Second....they come around. My husband was the same way with our first child. Once Conner was in his arms it all changed. Trust me. He will come around.
My husband had what I would call 'male postpartum depression' for a couple weeks after her birth. He was very removed, very quiet, slept a lot and was sad all the time. He never wanted to hold her unless she was dead asleep. If she woke up and started crying, he would immediately hand her off to me. If she was awake on his lap and not crying, he wouldn't engage with her. She would lie on a pillow on on his lap and he would zone out in front of the TV. This angered me because she would spit-up and he wouldn't notice and clean her up.
I felt like I was the one caring for her all the time...feeding, changing diapers, giving her baths etc. We would have guests come over to see the baby and he would be in the other room watching TV or playing video games by himself, leaving me to entertain his family.
Finally one night he broke down in tears. He asked me, "What were your thoughts about the birth?"
Me: "It was hectic and crazy, but probably one of the greatest moments of my life...why?"
Him: (long pause) "I just don't know..."
Me: "Don't know what?"
Him: "I just don't know if it was one of the greatest moments of my life...I'm glad she's here and healthy, but I just don't know if I love her yet..."
This statement deeply saddened me...how could he say such a thing? I had to reassure him that he was her father and she needed him. I told him that I thought he needed to go talk to a professional about his feelings because he was obviously dealing with some deep issues. I told him that he was pretty sleep deprived and to give it time, newborns are difficult and demand a lot of care and attention. Inside I was sort of pissed at him because I felt like I was the one who was caring for her 99.9% of the time...where did he get off feeling overwhelmed when I was the one getting up every two hours to feed her, diaper her and rock her back to sleep?
Over the weeks he has started to come out of that fog...he has begun to interact with her, take more responsibility and last week he gave her a bath for the first time on his own. I was very concerned at first because I go back to work in Feb. and he is taking his 6 weeks off to watch her on his own. I'm feeling more confident in him now. Today he took her out for a walk and then brought her up to his parents house. He talks about her more to his friends and seems to act like a normal father.
I think you should let him talk about it - maybe he needs to get all of his concerns out - then you can know what kind of things to try to avoid when the babe comes and encourage him out of his insecurities.
My husband and I have discussed so many scenarios because it makes us feel more content - like the fact that because I plan on breastfeeding - I probably won't want a lot of (or any) attention in that area for a while - but he married me and my boobs so he can have them back just when I'm done with feeding our child. That might seem like a silly example but it's things like that, that I think are letdowns for a man. My body is/will be shared but we are both commiting to giving our baby the best and we have commited to listening to each other to make sure our needs are met.
I think that some men maybe have a separation - like it's YOUR baby and they are your baby too - instead of it's OUR baby and WE are in this together.
nope if anything our love grows every day. my hubby is my rock, our foundation and he has helped make my every dream come true. i tell him this often and hopefully show it too. our daughter has him wrapped around her little fingers and has since he first laid eyes on her. he is a wonderful daddy and i love him the most when i watch him with our child.
if a man strays because he isn't getting the attention he needs-he had some major growing up to do before allowing himself to become a father in the first place. you can't be that selfish and be a parent. imo