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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
bellaleanne
member
FFFC on a bad morning
bellaleanne
member
When my poor son has awful gas (almost always) and we're up EVERY hour all night (which is often) I do not feel very affectionate towards him. In fact, I understand why people hurt their children.
I feel awful but mostly I feel exhausted.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FFFC on a bad morning
You need to take your baby to a family member and take some time to yourself, PRONTO.
Those are not good thoughts.
Are you BF or FF? If FF try switching his formula and try gas drops.
When my DD was like this it would drive me crazy but her being in pain made me more affectionate towards her bc I wanted to comfort her.
ETA - And I agree with PP talk to your doc about PPD.
I think it's amazing all the things about babies we read during pregnancy and think, "This is dumb. It won't happen to me."
I read somewhere that even if your baby is screaming his head off, if you need a break, you need to walk away. Take 10 seconds or an hour or however long you need. It said, "Babies don't die from crying, but they do die from being shaken by frustrated parents."
Scary stuff, but I understand it now because we have nights like these too. I'm sorry you're having a bad morning, and I hope today turns around for you. Hugs!
that is a very heavy statement and should be taken very seriously. please call your doctor now and share these feeling with him/her. please please please.
http://i41.tinypic.com/111ov4j.jpg
2007-Sept 2008: TTC the old fashioned way
Sept 2008 - Jan 2009: Clomid 100mg
Feb 2009: 200mg Clomid = BFP! on March 20, 2009 - It's a BOY!
Nov 26th 2009: Aidan Michael, 20.5" 7lb12oz
Feb 2010: Start TTC again, the old fashioned way
Mar - June 2011: Clomid 100mg
July 2011: Unmedicated cycle = BFP! on August 29th, 2011
Nov 6th 2011: m/c due to subchorionic hematoma
Dec 2011: Start TTC again, unmedicated
February 12th, 2012: BFP! EDD 10/23/12
Mar 12th 2012: diagnosed as blighted ovum
Trying again..
Woah guys. Just because I understand why people hurt their kids does not mean I would ever do it.
I'm just a very tired single mom who is alone with her son a lot.
And I should point out that while I don't always feel incredibly affectionate towards him when we're up for the fifth or six time during the night, I always make sure I act affectionately.
I hope Blair doesn't mind me pointing to one of her entries but she talks about it there and some of the comments also discuss which I think puts into words what brand new moms go through.
Clicky
There is a difference between *thinking* and *acting* and if you are in the latter, then, YES, please take a step back and ask someone for help. A doctor, family, friends, etc. It is very hard and very frustrating at times, but understand that your LO isn't doing anything to spite you. There are times when my DH and I have looked at each other and said WTF, what can we do here? We take turns passing him off and getting a moment of peace.
It will get better and try and relish the positive moments!
The fact the you verbalized it speaks volumes. There is NOTHING wrong with getting help. the fact that you are not feeling it speaks volumes as well. Nobody is attacking you, many of us have been there, gotten help and are better mothers because we are happier Moms.
With my first she was up 7 times a night for 10 months and never once did I feel that way. With #2 I felt that way when she was up 4-5 times a night...I knew something was wrong. Your feelings are common and okay, but you need to communicate them to your OB ASAP.
it's an exhausting emotional roller coaster, dear. Your hormones are still whacky and you're still adjusting.
I really hope you talk to someone about what you're feeling.
I understand what you mean. Heck, even my OB told me "I now understand shaken baby syndrom" ...just because you now understand why people would feel compelled to do such things, it doesnt mean YOU are going too.
I hear exactly what you are saying.
You would never in a million, trillion years hurt your LO. But now you understand, just a little bit, why some parents just can't help themselves.
I get it.
(maybe you feel attacked and on a bad morning, that's not what you need to hear. None of the above responses, however, were designed to make you feel like a bad mama. They are worried about you and your LO. It's hard being a parent with a partner and infinitely harder being a single parent. Big hugs, lady.)
Yes. Do not wait to talk to your OB or PCP about PPD. You might have PPP. Take your child to a safe place FIRST, then call your OB. Right now. Do not wait. This is no joke. We've all been tired. Many of us have had PPD. But it is NOT normal to understand how someone could hurt a child. I know how awful you must feel, so this is not a flame. But hon, you really need help and you need it ASAP.
exactly.
I think those are very normal thoughts for a parent of an extremely difficult baby. We went through many periods where DD was up once or twice an hour. Sleep deprivation can do terrible things to you. I have no idea how you are doing it alone. I EBF, so I was always the one to get up with DD, but was glad to have DH for support. Hang in there.
Also, seeing a pediatric gastroenterologist was a GODSEND for us. We got K on meds for reflux, and she was so much better. I hope you find an answer.
No, not many do have PPSD that is rare. But levels of PPD are very common. I def think she owes it to herself and the baby to seek a medical opinion and not just getting help at night. If they say she is fine then great, if not she can get the education and help she needs to feel more emotionally stable.
I would def say these thoughts are common NOT normal.
Hope the gas gets better, if you ebf it could be something your eating? Good luck!
Those thoughts can be normal!
I have had moments where I've said to DH that I can understand how shaken baby syndrome happens; there are points when it's not that difficult to see how parents can get so crazy overwhelmed and frustrated.
Admitting that doesn't mean you would ever DO anything to hurt your child, or that you in anyway condone people who do! It's just admitting that you're frustrated to no end...and yet, you are able to step back, take a breath and go right back to your child with loving arms.
That said, talking to your OB about PPD or feeling overwhelmed is never a bad idea, especially if you don't have a SO to help out when you're reaching a breaking point.
HEY YOU! Watch your mouth, we are trying to be supportive on this board. You make me sick that you are flaming her for what could be PPD. Of course she understands there will be sleepless nights ect - WE all "understood" that! But the first couple weeks are such an adjustment its very scary and very emotional and alot to take in. She is a SINGLE mom doing it alone and needs some credit. Everyone else here can see that she is venting about her feelings and she is reaching out even if it wasnt her original intention. By posting her thoughts about that on here she took a big risk & trying to get out her frustrations. You have to understand that PPD is real, very common and very serious and your comments like this are not welcome.
I think you're all completely overreacting to her statement. Nothing wrong with suggesting she speak to her doc about POSSIBLE PPD - but to me it sounds like she just needs sleep.
I've verbalized this exact thought to H, that I understand in those moments how people hurt their babies. Not that I feel the urge or anything even close to it - but if you are someone who does not deal well with frustration or exhaustion, or have no support, it's very easy to see how a screaming baby at 3 am can push someone over the edge.
Everyone chill.
Thank you for responding. I was thinking exactly what you wrote just a few weeks ago! Just because you can understand what some people go through doesn't mean that YOU feel that way.
Only you can know if you need help and if it's turning into PPD. I feel like a lot of posters really took a harmless FFFC and didn't hear what you were really saying! Have a great weekend!
I have a very gassy baby as well, and it's so easy to get frustrated when you're sleep deprived. I remember crying on the phone with my mom and telling her I wish I'd known how hard this would be. Now looking back I would never trade this job for anything, but in those first 2 months I felt like I'd ruined my life. Being a single mom, you never get a break - I can't even imagine!
What helped me was to remind myself that she's not crying to annoy you - she is really in pain. I would just hold her and love on her and talk to her, The more she cried, the more I would tell her how sorry I was that she wasn't feeling well. Sometimes I had to put her down in her crib for a few minutes so I could cry too,
But cling to the knowledge that it will not be like this forever. My LO's gassiness REALLY started to subside about a month ago, and now she is getting better at getting everything out without a meltdown (although sometimes she still has one). Your LO's stomach is new and sensitive and know that every day it is maturing! Try to get out of the house some, and call your ob if you feel like you're getting to a point where you can't handle it. Usually Ob's will call in a perscription for you - it's a very common side effect of pregnancy, and is tripled by the exhaustion. It's called situational depression and most women get some form of it after birth.
Good luck to you! Once your LO gives you that first 6-7 hour stretch of sleep (which should be soon!) you'll feel like a new woman!
I have also heard a few people SWEAR by this. One of them was sleeping on her bathroom floor with a blow dryer on and water running to get her baby to sleep before she went.
AMEN. I've said similar statments before. Basically something like, "Wow, I can see how- if the parent is already on the edge- a night like this could make them snap." So yeah, I DO see how parents hurt their kids; not because I am having thought of doing it myself, but because you look at your own feelings of frustration, loneliness, exhaustion and desperation and realize that you're lucky that you do NOT have even the tiniest inclination to harm your child, because if you did, these feelings could push someone right over the edge.
I just found this web site for you - you can find support groups or Moms groups wherever you live. https://postpartum.meetup.com/
Best of luck to you and hope you feel so much better.
ding ding ding.
Hell, I wrote an entire blog entry on it (& nope, don't mind if it's linked
). Yeah, I get it.
I totally understand where you are coming from! My daughter was the same way. My husband and I thought we made a huge mistake having a baby. (We have since changed our minds!) My husband said he would rather go through Navy SEAL training! We found that our daughter has GER (gastroesophageal reflux); we had an upper GI study done that showed the reflux. She now takes meds (Axid) and was supplemented with Similac Alimentum formula. (Enfamil Nutramigen is the equivlent) ; she is worlds better.
As for your frustration, sleep would make a huge difference. I said the same words that you did, "I understand shaken baby syndrome!" We would never do it, just understand where people snap. I also had a hard time feeling affectionate toward her. Not everyone feels that magical, happy, lovey-dovey feeling toward this new person, no matter how much they are wanted and planned. It's NORMAL!!! It's not that you don't love them and want the best for them, they have just disrupted your whole world and you (we) have to get used to it. I am a labor and delivery nurse and thought I knew what to expect. Boy, was I wrong! It'll be ok and I promise it'll get better! My daughter is 12 weeks tomorrow and is finally sleeping 5-7hrs a night! Your cutie pie will get there and you'll be surprised how fast it will go!
Also, check out "The Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears....it's saved my sanity! Good Luck!!
I'm going to take your post exactly as you wrote it: You understand why people hurt their children. She didn't say SHE has ever had a single thought about hurting her child, people. I understand what you mean. I can't let my little girl cry without holding her, I wish at times I could set her in her crib and walk away for a couple minutes, but it kills me. Today she was SCREAMING for what seemed like an eternity even when I was holding and comforting her. At one point I thought to myself, this is when some parent's get so flustered and end up shaking their baby. Not a single ounce of me felt like shaking my little girl, but some one else in the same situation may have made that choice.
For the sake of you and your poor gassy baby I hope it gets better. I have started using gripe water and soy formula when necessary if that helps? Best of luck, my dear!