NTR: Friend's Wedding

daniellems2003 · December 2009

So I'm in a friend's wedding in April. We used to be really close when we worked together, but ever since we don't talk all that much and it seems I'm always the one to call her. So when planning this pregnancy, I didn't really think twice about beng pregnant at her wedding.

I told her I was pregnant, a few weeks ago and ever since she has gotten so weird!! She seemed very excited and was happy when I told her I was pregnant though. I told her I'd still wear what all the other girls were wearing and I was fine with getting alterations from the seamstress that did my wedding dress.

So I got a text from her today that asks if I'd rather be a guest at the wedding instead of being in her wedding because she knows I have a lot going on right now......Is she saying she doesn't want me in it?? How do I respond to this?? I'm kind of upset because I feel like she doesn't want me in it because I'm pregnant.

Anyway, what would you do?

armywife7205 · December 2009

Id reply and tell her no... I would LOVE to be a part of it... that annoys me.

Did you buy a dress already?

Stilts · December 2009

Being a BM is time consuming and expensive. If you're close to the person all that is worth it but if you're not close to this girl than I'd say she just did you a really big favor.

Gina418 · December 2009

If the friendship is waning, I'd accept her offer to just be a guest. If she's going to be petty and weird about it I wouldn't want to be a part of it.

daniellems2003 · December 2009

I didn't buy it yet, but we went to look at dresses together, and all the girls picked the one they wanted. I just said I'd order a bigger size. She seemed concerned that I didn't get a maternity dress, BUT she doesn't want me to look any different than the other girls.

Maybe its the hormones, but I feel like she doesn't want to ruin her pictures or something because I'm pregnant. I'll be 24 weeks by then, so I won't be in the HUGE stage yet.

Septbride2004 · December 2009

I would say that I am fine still being in the wedding but that its her wedding so I leave the decision up to her. Honestly, I have learned not to care about things like this anymore. If she wants to make it an issue then that's her problem. Saves me a ton of money anyway LOL. Just my 2 cents though...

LittleApple · December 2009

Sounds like she doesn't want you in the wedding now that you are pregnant. Maybe it would be best for you to sit out since she basically asked you to step down.

I would be annoyed and hurt. The friendship would pretty much be done with too.

foreignroyalty · December 2009

I wouldn't care either way. If you want to do it tell her you'd love to be a part of it. If you don't thank her for her understanding and bail. Hard to say whether she's being a friend and doing you a favour or if she's an 'all bridesmaids must look alike' control freak.

daniellems2003 · December 2009

LittleApple:

Sounds like she doesn't want you in the wedding now that you are pregnant. Maybe it would be best for you to sit out since she basically asked you to step down.

I would be annoyed and hurt. The friendship would pretty much be done with too.

This exactyl! I'm so annoyed right now and I feel very hurt. It makes me not even want to be a bridesmaid or guest. I'm trying to decide if I should just email her to tell her how I feel or not. I don't know what to do.

IckyThump · December 2009

That stinks. If it were a close friend, I'd have a talk with her and make it clear that I'd be happy to be in her wedding, but if she wanted me to step down for whatever reason, let me know. But, since it sounds like you guys aren't that close, I'd probably just agree to be a guest.

I'd be hurt, too. What a yucky situation.

Mnq · December 2009

I'd agree to be a guest. You said you don't know if you'd email her... If she was close to you wouldn't you just call? (And she should've called you not texted you that message) You also said yall don't talk that much and you're always the one who calls... Are you really surprised she gave you an out?

I think weddings are the one time in your life it's all about you so if she doesn't want a pregnant bridesmaid so be it... Friendships come and go and it seems as this one has been on the way out for a while and maybe you haven't come to terms with that yet.

mamamoos · December 2009

how can you be sure that she's hinting that she doesn't want you in the wedding anymore?

if one of my BMs had found out she was PG, i would have absolutely put the offer on the table for her to bow out and just be a guest. not bc i don't want her ruining my pics or anything like that, but simply bc being a BM is a lot of work, and being a PG BM wouldn't exactly be easy. especially not if she already had a toddler on top of that.

i don't know. i just think it's very possible that she was letting you know if you didn't think you could handle it, she wouldn't be upset if you decided to bow out and enjoyed the wedding as a guest.

Faith1318 · December 2009

I would reply and say no, I'd love to still be in it........ unless you are trying to tell me you'd rather not have a pregnant bridesmaid. Make her at least say it and be truthful.

I was told outright that if I was planning to be pregnant at the time of a friend's wedding, she did not want me as a bridesmaid. When we moved up our TTC plans and got pregnant much earlier, she re-asked me since I would no longer be pregnant. Nice, huh?

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