I need advice (Long)

CantWaitforBaby · December 2009

Okay, so let me start by saying that my DH is very good to me, and has never given me any reason not to trust him and I've always felt very secure in our relationship.

Well, DH is staying in NYC for work this week and last week. He and my close girlfriend who I work with always joke around when we hang out and make fun of eachother as they both have sarcastic personalities. Last time we got together he went a little too far with a comment about her body (in reference to the fact that her chest is really small) that made her upset and he apologized and everything was fine.

So yesterday I was playing with my friend's phone at work, I often do casually and she does the same thing, we don't have anything to hide from eachother. I came across text messages between her and DH which is normal because they text eachother once in awhile.

My friend went on a couple of dates with a guy who suddenly stopped talking to her so she was really upset about it and I had told DH about it because he follows the drama that goes on with her.

DH texted her and said Sorry to hear the bad news...and they went back a forth a little about that and she said something along the lines of "I think I'm the type of girl that guys just want a piece of a$$, but not a relationship."

DH said "Well honestly I'd love a piece.. and you're a nice girl so you seem like a good package" She said "haha before your wife and baby you mean?" and he said "of course"

Later in the convo DH said "you should come visit me, I have 2 beds in my room"

These were the two points in the conversation that really really really bother me. Obviously, nothing ever came of it, but it was still totally inappropriate of him to say those things. I'm sure he was trying to make her feel better about this guy, and about insulting her last time we hung out, and flirting thinking it would never get back to me.

Ughh I don't even know why I'm posting this, I need to vent and I have noone to talk to IRL about this because it's embarrassing. I talked to DH about it on the phone last night and he apologized up and down but I'm still furious. I'm not overreacting am I?

This is literally the first time he has ever done anything like this. This is the first time he's been out of town for work, he's home every night and we have a very open and honest relationship.

I'm not sure what to do about this.

VAannie · December 2009

Trust your gut, lady. Women who suspect their husbands are up to no good behind their backs are almost always correct. A sixth sense, perhaps.

I don't think it'd hurt to go to at least a few sessions of couples counseling to work through this.

Good luck to you.

CandKmomma · December 2009

I'd let it go. He sent a few flirty texts, you told him it made you uncomfortable. Leave it at that.

christina-marie · December 2009

I think you're totally justified in being upset. The sad reality is that some affairs start innocently between friends. I think discussing this with your friend would be appropriate and setting some very clear boundaries is in order.

CantWaitforBaby · December 2009

7*7*7bride:
I'd let it go. He sent a few flirty texts, you told him it made you uncomfortable. Leave it at that.

Really?? I wish I could, but I'm having a really hard time. I wasn't expecting that response at all, but it makes me feel a little better.

Linds21 · December 2009

This is a really sucky situation and Im sorry to hear about it. I would definatly be pissed about this.... FI and I both have good relationships with mutual girl and guy friends so I totally get the close friendship.... but what he said to her was totally outta line. I get that he perhaps wanted to make her feel better but like I said, that was definatly way too far.

Did you talk to her about it as well?

CantWaitforBaby · December 2009

Linds21:
This is a really sucky situation and Im sorry to hear about it. I would definatly be pissed about this.... FI and I both have good relationships with mutual girl and guy friends so I totally get the close friendship.... but what he said to her was totally outta line. I get that he perhaps wanted to make her feel better but like I said, that was definatly way too far.

Did you talk to her about it as well?

I haven't, and I wasn't going to, I don't want things to be awkward between us, and there was no flirtation going on from her side at all.

~Soleil~ · December 2009

VAannie:

Trust your gut, lady. Women who suspect their husbands are up to no good behind their backs are almost always correct. A sixth sense, perhaps.

Good luck to you.

I agree with this. Trust your instincts. Mine have always lead me to the right place. Hopfully yours do, too.

kash27 · December 2009

I would be upset with my DH and my friend. Your DH should not have said that and your friend should have told him it was inappropriate instead of "haha before your wife and baby you mean?"

Hi725 · December 2009

Ok, you have every right to be upset. Even if it was just him being playful and trying to cheer her up, his comments totally crossed the line. He should not have said he wanted a piece, or told her he had an extra bed in his room. Totally inappropriate! I would be pissed off for a very long time over this.

CantWaitforBaby · December 2009

Thanks for all advice, ladies...I really needed input on this.

Want a personalized experience?

I need advice (Long)

Re: I need advice (Long)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards