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Got a Lesson Last Night...

Big JBig J member
in 3rd Trimester

From my massage therapist.  Who has no children and has never been pregnant.  This is what I learned:

-If done correctly, delivery should only consist of 3 pushes.  If it takes you more, you're doing it all wrong.

-If you visualize your vagina as a waterfall, no epi/meds are needed during labor.

-If you vaccinate your baby, it will do no good.  Tell schools its against your religion and they cannot ask any more questions.  Children can't 'absorb' vaccinations until the age of 10.

-Don't eat things out of boxes or cans while pregnant.  Cereal is the devil.

-Eating really isn't neccessary during pregnancy.  She had a friend who ate half a meal a day and her baby was almost 10 pounds and healthy.

I must admit I kind of egged her on because I was so amused.  She did give a good massage though!

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Re: Got a Lesson Last Night...

  • kiki_1218kiki_1218 member
    Now that's some good advice! Indifferent

    TTC #2 July 2014

    Me: 35 DH: 36

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  • chelseampchelseamp member
    I hope you tipped her well for all of her AWESOME advise!
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  • jkfranklinjkfranklin member
    Well my vag is kinda like a waterfall with all the discharge!
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  • DaisyGrl13DaisyGrl13
    On Good Morning America this morning, there was a woman who was anorexic (sp?) and ended up having I think like an 8 lb baby.  Which isn't huge by any means, but fairly large for a lady who's anorexic.
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  • madhatter2003madhatter2003
    I would have been laughing too hard to finish the massage.
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  • mrsnicolewmrsnicolew
    I really hope she doesn't have children or ever get pregnant. That kind of stupid is dangerous!
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  • littledublittledub member
    hilarious!
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  • ehicksehicks member

    ::repeats over and over:: my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall

    LOL

     

    wow if anyone even tried to take my Fruity Pebbles away from me, I'd throat punch a beotch

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  • pandagirl15pandagirl15
    Well, I'll be sure to stop pushing at 3 then!  Haha, that made me laugh!
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  • goldenleavesgoldenleaves member
    imageehicks:

    ::repeats over and over:: my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall

    LOL

     

    wow if anyone even tried to take my Fruity Pebbles away from me, I'd throat punch a beotch

    That's how I feel about Lucky Charms lately!

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  • madeleines_mommymadeleines_mommy member

    imagejkfranklin:
    Well my vag is kinda like a waterfall with all the discharge!

    haha! so true

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  • Lindsey7521Lindsey7521
    Cereal is the Devil? Oooh no! Then he's my BFF. I love love love cereal these days...
    When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. -FDR
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  • JingP78JingP78

    imagejkfranklin:
    Well my vag is kinda like a waterfall with all the discharge!

    ROFLMAO! 

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  • Tinkx123xTinkx123x
    imagegoldenleaves:
    imageehicks:

    ::repeats over and over:: my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall my vagina is a waterfall

    LOL

     

    wow if anyone even tried to take my Fruity Pebbles away from me, I'd throat punch a beotch

    That's how I feel about Lucky Charms lately!

    amen to the lucky charms! Im eating some as we speak 

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  • EyerlandeEyerlande
    I especially like the 3 push thing. I'll let you know how that works out.....lol
    Beta#1=1293 (13dp5dt), Beta#2 =4462 (17dp5dt), Beta#3 =8039 (19dp5dt) BFP 5/8/2009 IVF#2 w/ICSI & AH - April 09 - Transfer 5/1 IVF#1 w/ICSI & AH - Feb 09 - BFN MFI - low morph 1998 - Lap - Endometriosis, 1994 - Lap - Endometriosis, TTC - Tooooo Long! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Jeremiah 29:11-13 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
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  • leigh517leigh517 member
    then my baby has no chance.  i should just give up now. Stick out tongue
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  • m00n_fire@hotmail.comm00n_fire@hotmail.com
    LOL, but on a serious note, I hope no other pregnant women take her advice!
    Baby number two! Coming soon! June 8th.
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  • TimegTimeg
    Gosh, it took me three hours of pushing the last time. I must be completely dense when it comes to delivery... :)
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  • zeptattoozeptattoo member

    So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong!  No wonder I feel like crap!  *two thumbs up with a goofy grin*

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