I think I'm in Denial....Anyone Else?

swanck · December 2009

I had my THIRD (Ahhh.....third?!) MC last week.

And I find myself....ALL THE TIME....picturing myself rocking a baby, laboring in the hospital, and pushing a stroller. Not to mention, setting up a nursery. I imagine these things ALL the time, and they seem so real.

I even stroll through the baby section at every store I'm in. I buy blankets and onsies, telling myself that they are gifts for PG women I know. When I really know I'm going to keep them for myself.

I am sure the Dr. will do an US at my follow-up appointment to make sure everything is gone. And I even imagine that maybe they will see something, and my baby will still be in there with a HB.

When I know that it will not happen.

I'm either crazy.....or really optomistic.

I'm leaning toward crazy. Please tell me that I'm not alone!

bebeblues · December 2009

We've had this discussion. You know where I stand. If you're crazy, I'm on the edge of insanity w/you...... Stick out tongue

symonatb · December 2009

I think I can top you one... I have a Build-a-Bear DH made for me while we were dating. I swear I have to stop myself from cuddling her like she's a baby when no one is looking.

I know, sad... but it's how I cope...

klk2klb · December 2009

Definitely, definitely not alone...and not crazy. I'm so, so sorry for your losses. I wish I had advice to give but honestly I don't. {{hugs}}

ShellShockedMama · December 2009

Not crazy. In fact in one of those weird, crunchy hippie books I have on TTCing they say vizualization is very important in this process. Ever since then, whenever DH and I have sex, i imagine the begining scene to "looks whos talking" with the sperm rushing toward the egg.

But we already knew I was crazy. At least you're in good company!

LemonLime10 · December 2009

You're definitely not crazy! You're going through something really hard. Everyone deals with things in there own way but being in a state of denial is a very normal way of dealing. (I hope I don't offend you by saying you're in denial). But my point is ... you are grieving ... allow yourself to grieve. And being an optimist is a good thing....things will get better!

Blessed1010 · December 2009

You are not alone. I'm currently going through my 2nd miscarriage and going through the exact same thing. I won't get into the details because I've noticed that the more I think about it the harder it is to push forward.

CAB'smommy · December 2009

I was the same way at my u/s. I kept hoping they would see something. It was on the same day our dating u/s was supposed to be. But they said "yep everything looks good. it's all out." That's not good in my mind, that's awful!

ColindaP · December 2009

You're not alone. Or crazy. Or maybe we're both crazy. My latest mania is figuring out how to find somewhere new to go for midwife care, once the RE figures out what's wrong with me, and I get KU for keeps. I've been Googling and using the Cigna website to search for providers (my options are very limited since I have an HMO and I'm too pissed to go back to where I went before). I have found an ob who works closely with midwivesand is 100% supportive of midwifery, natural childbirth, no unnecessary interventions, etc. He's totally not close to my house or my work, but I'm plotting out how I can see him next time so my insurance covers it, but actually get care from the midwives in his practice.

I'm not KU, not TTC again yet, and have no idea WTF is wrong with me if I'll ever be able to carry a baby to term, and much less if I wereable to carry said baby to term, if I could even see a mw or if I've been scarlet-lettered. I, too, am delusional.

carynmp · December 2009

if you are crazy then we are all right there with you. I posted yesterday about how I was convinced last week that I was p/g even thought I had AF b/c my best friend announced she was p/g and was spotting.

I bought myself onesies the other day.....

I STILL sometimes rub my stomach.....

I said in a post yesterday I need to be locked up in a padded room...want to be roomates?

grr_aargh · December 2009

Not crazy, not in denial. Grieving and imagining your future -- neither of those are bad things.

angw79 · December 2009

Not at all crazy. The first week or two after my m/c I'd still rub my stomach. I'm still waiting for my first AF and will occasionally catch myself thinking that maybe it was all just a bad dream and I didn't really m/c and I'm still pg. More recently since AF still hasn't showed I've been having to talk myself out of thinking I'm pg since I have no symptoms at all.

Court1 · December 2009

If you're crazy, we're all going down with you....

seasidebride05 · December 2009

The stack of onesies keeps getting bigger and I am now up to two drawers in the spare bedroom filled with childrens books... if you are crazy I am right there with you!

These things give me hope...and that's all I've got right now!

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