I've been lurking on Adoption lately because DH and I have been considering it for our next child and I wanted to learn more about the emotions that go along with it. I really hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, because I have no right to judge anyone and I'm honestly not judging, but it hurts me that there are so many families out there willing to adopt any race except African American. It surprises and upsets me. It's not that I think that anyone should have to adopt a child they would not feel comfortable with, but I kind of always thought that if parents weren't comfortable with adopting an African American child, it would be because they just want to adopt a baby that's the same race as them, which I completely understand. But then to hear that there are people who don't care what the race is, as long as the baby isn't black. . .it just makes me feel sad. And it makes me sad for my son. I feel like there are people out there who think he is "less than" just because his mother is black.
And I feel like people think I am "less than" because of it too.
Re: I feel sad (just a vent)
I agree, I think that is terribly sad!
this, exactly!
I could be wrong but please understand that I think the people on these boards are not a very good representation of the public, and I don't mean this in a negative way. I just don't think that you are getting a good cross section of the American people on the Bump boards! (Or Knot, or Nest). And, in this regard, it just doesn't necessarily reflect what a much broader spectrum of people would do. I think if you went to general adoption boards you would find people who would be thrilled with any healthy baby/child to call their own.
And, if it is any consolation, I have many friends, black, white, and other, who have successfully adopted children, including black children, and have been delighted, blessed, and would have it no other way. I myself have always considered adoption and or fostering and skin color has never been a consideration.
I am not talking about people on the boards in particular. It was more of a general discussion of trends and people said they had heard that some adoption agencies had to turn black birth mothers away because no one wanted to adopt their baby.
It breaks. my. heart to think that if for some reason I hadn't been able to raise DS there are families out there who would pass him over not because he isn't the same colour as them, but because he's the same colour as me.
Maybe I am being silly, but now I just think, do people think of him as a lesser baby and see us as a lesser family? Is there less value attached to us because of our colour? Like, will people automatically assume that he isn't as nice of a person, isn't as smart, won't be as successful just because of the way he looks?
I certainly don't think your silly, and you are right, people make terrible judgments about a lot of things, including the way we look. And in that regard, in some ways we should be thankful that inappropriate families aren't taking on a black child, they aren't the best person to raise that child. But fortunately, you are the best person to raise your child, you were that fortunate, and hopefully, as a generation we will be more successful.
I don't think the value is based upon color, I think it is more culture, at least I hope so. And in that respect sometimes there are cultural differences that some people just aren't comfortable either overcoming, learning about, or understanding. And if this is the case it's really their loss for being unable to expand their own world view, hence they aren't as smart, successful, etc.
That is really sad. I also assumed it was only because people wanted a baby of the same race. I guess I am naive.
I want to foster parent when my children are older and I am willing to take any child that is in need.
I'm sorry you feel sad. I think transracial adoptions hit a lot of buttons with people, on both sides of the issue. My professor does research on it as well as transnational adoption. I think it just adds another layer to the complexity of adoption to have a child of a different race from both parents. Not that is can't be overcome but there are different issues to consider.
There is actually a law (I think) still on the books that Native American children can only be adopted by other Native Americans. It is something that the Native Americans want...probably because of this country's history of assimilation, etc.
Don't feel sad. Your DS will not be "less than."