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2nd Trimester
VENT about negative nancys...
So when I first found out I was pregnant a friend of mine from home (we are from Ohio, now in California) told me about this board and how great it had been for her when she was pregnant. Anyway, so I get on here almost everyday and check out what is going on and will sometimes post as well. What I cannot seem to understand is why some people on here feel the need to berate people when they ask something that person apparantly does not agree with? I completely understand putting in your two cents and answering a person's question, but why make them feel like an a**hole for asking it in the first place? I thought this was a place to come and ask questions and get support, just doesn't seem that way? Am I the only one that feels this way? Maybe I am being overly sensitive with the preggo hormones?
Thanks ladies, Happy Monday : )
This discussion has been closed.
Re: VENT about negative nancys...
Stupid questions will get stupid answers...
Not everyone is going to get along...
If you dont like the answer, ignore it
This.
You're going to get lots of posts about bras here any second... (they're actually funny, but just warnin' ya)
Honestly, the Trimester boards are the last place to go for support. There are lots of boards listed to the left side of the screen that are less drama-filled, if that's what you're looking for.
I don't really get into the drama too much, but I do read it for entertainment's sake.
I understand how it could be frustrating if what you came here for was support. But it simply will not happen anytime soon in the Trimester boards.
Not sure if I'm allowed to do this... but there's a less-busy but interesting website called babyzone DOT com that I go to frequently. There is very rarely drama there.
I go there for support... here when there's nothing on t.v.
GL!
The issue comes when you assume a board is about something, when its not necesarily about that. This board isn't simply here for support. Everyone is here for different reasons.
If you want people to just validate you and tell you what you want to here, then I agree with PP. There are other websites that are all about validation.
If you want honest answers, then this is a great place to ask.
Well.... I haven't always gotten rosy responses to every post I've put up here, so I can relate that it can sorta get you down, but you CANNOT dictate people's responses to your posts!!
You cannot ask that only positive people respond, or only people who agree with you respond, that's just ludicrous! You have to take the good with the bad. I agree that it's 'wrong' to be rude, but some people just have a blunt way of putting things. Ignore the drama
I think people are more judgemental on the internet, sayign things they would never say in person because it is so anonymous. So they feel free to say whatever. Also, I think some people feel better about themselves if they can perceived themselves as better, or making better choices, then someone else. That is my 2 cents!
I try not to do drama, realizing I am not in everyone's shoes...
Everyone has their own opinion and if you don't want to hear ALL of those opinions then don't post of a public forum. I have been flamed a few times and actually appreciated it. I personally want to hear every ones thoughts because it may make me see a side of the situation that I hadn't originally been able to see. There have been times when people said " you are being a brat" and I said "ouch but wow I am being a brat."
In a puppies and rainbows world everyone would get along and we would live in a yes world but we don't and the sooner people come to terms with that the better their lives are going to be.
This was hard for me to get used to, too. I definitely had a very different idea at the beginning of what this was "supposed" to be. Sometimes it's support, sometimes is a b*tch session, sometimes there is IMO downright bullying. I try to let things roll off my back and dig through the responses for people who are actually trying to help me.
GL I feel your pain.
I agree with you, and for the most part think that the people who are negative on here are just unhappy in real life - just like in real life you will get a lot of different personalities on here.
As far as stupid questions getting stupid answers - I never understood that because if you think a question is stupid then why even post a response at all? Also, that poster obviously doesn't know the answer, so we should actually help them instead of making them feel dumb. (Unfortunately as you can see, not everyone feels this way, and I guess those people that feel small want to make others feel small, too!)
So you'll get all sorts of answers, since this is a public forum and anyone can sign up to be on here - including those who do not have manners.
I am so with you. It's one thing to disagree with something, you can disagree with someone kindly and offer suggestions, but often people do so insensitively instead. Also, I think on the internet things just come off worse, because you can't tell what the tone of what the person is saying is. Nonetheless, I often wonder if it would have taken so much more effort to say something nicely.... or not say anything at all. I have never read a post/question on here that I thought was so horrible that I felt inclined to write something negative or mean spirited.
There is a website I really like called "Offbeat Mama" and they do not have a forum for this reason, the woman that started the website actually has a statement about why she didn't put a forum on it- "Unfortunately, in my many years online, I've yet to see a parenting forum that didn't eventually devolve into angry debates, accusations, and flame wars."
Ditto, Who is to say if a question is stupid or not?, If I think is silly or MUD, I just ignore it.
Again, most of the times I get nice yet honest answers, so I say it is worth it to stick around.
I COMPLETELY agree, thank you!
p.s. Maybe it's because I am a teacher but I don't think there are stupid questions and if I really thought a question was so ridiculous I would not reply to it rather than write a "stupid answer."
I've been to other sites and lurked. What bothers me about them, is when someone will say something like "I'm 8 weeks PG and I think I felt the baby move!" Then of course everyone will respond with "That's awesome! Congrats!"
Here, however.... ladies will tell you that it's damn near impossible. I enjoy the honest answers. I agree with a PP, what may be rude or snarky to you is just others being realisitic. I do find thebump to be supportive, just not flaky or fake in the least. Some things deserved to get flamed, while other times it can be hormonal pregnant women taking frustrations out on something they can sink their teeth into (like an ignorant post, for example)
You take the bad in with the good.
Well I'm a teacher and I think there are stupid questions. but I teach a class that is logic-centric so I'm all about teaching my kids to think before they ask and use their brains.
But, I also do not repsond to a post and tell someone they are stupid. I either answer or ignore it. I do agree that some on here take it too far.
Of course this may just be my opinion but I don't think it is stupid questions so much as occasional questions that just make you scratch your head and think "really"?
An example, I remember several months ago maybe - perhaps before I got my BFP there was a question (on 1st tri I think) about someone who was worried that she pooped her baby out. I typically agree that if someone doesn't know the answer to a question it doesn't make them stupid, but questions like this just make you wonder.
I guess I'm trying to clarify my response above. I agree that people get out of control with the rude and/or snarky comments at times. However, it is a public message board and just like everyone is entitled to post anything they choose (within reason obviously) people feel as though they have the right to respond in kind.
Bottom line is that there are MANY posts you just have to skip or ignore entirely. There will always be those that feel the need to respond in a rude or snarky way, always. I do see a lot of support on these boards though and that often outweighs the intense snark.
People can be kind and still give their opinion or correct someone. In this situation someone could say "it's a little too early to feel anything yet, but in a few weeks you may start to feel flutters. G/L"
rather than "dumbass (I saw someone call someone a dumbass on here before!) you can't feel the baby move at 8 weeks."
and so on!
Amen Sister! Was wondering that myself! What happened to "If you can't say something nice ( or at least constructive), then don't say anything at all." ????
GL
BIO
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I'm pretty sure all teachers want their students to think and try to figure something out before asking a question. Also, good teachers don't just give the answer anyway, they help their students figure out the answer on their own. I still don't think there are stupid questions though, because even if the answer is obvious and clear as day to me, it is not to the person who is asking the question. It doesn't really matter what you teach.... but now we're off on a tangent.
I also think we read things with a voice in our head how we want to hear them. I read posts and people get offended by other people's responses, but in my head, I didn't "hear" them with that sarcastic tone, or a bullying vibe.
You never know. if you talked to these girls in real life, maybe something that you read as snarky would have been said in hushed tones with a hand on your shoulder.
I think some posters come off as harsher than they mean to, because we are communicating via text here.
I have rewritten (before posting - no DD here) some of my posts because I realized that they could be 'read' differently by different people. Just being careful on how things are worded (to not sound offensive) can go a long way. I don't believe that there are stupid questions either. But I do believe there are posts that are not properly written, and some people are going to call you out on how you sound.
This exactly.
from your response, I can tell that perhaps I mispoke. Thats not what I meant by bringing up what I teach. I was simply saying that the entire point of my class is to get kids to think through things so perhaps thats why I tend to be a bit more harsh about it. That was a negative thing on me, not you.
I'll give you an example of a common dumb question: Student asks in April: "Do we have homework tonight?" Me: "how would you find that out?" Student: "on the homework board." Me: "is there an assigment listed?" Students: long pause...."yes"
Not thinking before you speak. Sometimes people know better but don't think and want to take the easy way out by asking. Again, I would never call someone an idiot or tell them their question is dumb, but I do think there are dumb questions.
Agreed! Perhaps we should start a pregnant teacher's board