When did you announce your PGAL?

denise_m · December 2009

Here is my dilema:

With the 1st loss we announced on Valentine's Day, m/c a week later

With the 2nd loss we planned on announcing after 8 weeks IF there was a HB and no spotting. We didn't get to that point, but some IL members made assumptions, rumors were spread, I was yelled at by IL's who told me that I was evil for not telling them and yadda yadda yadda after we knew the pregnancy was not viable and were waiting for the d&c.

I don't want to deal with the drama, so I'm having a hard time with the idea of waiting. I am also terrified of telling everyone early and then having to tell bad news We've told enough bad news and I don't want to put dd though that again.

I'm tempted to tell everyone at Christmas, I'll be 5 weeks. DH says do whatever I want. And he means that. I don't want to announce it too early and then give sad news, and I'm scared that waiting to announce it means that I'm not embracing the pregnancy and just waiting to doom it. I'm just so torn.

For the new BFPs, when will you announce it? For those who are PGAL for a while, when did you announce it and how was it received?

Bride2b2004 · December 2009

I told my dad right away and my sister after we saw the hb at 6w. We told the rest of the family after 12w and hearing the hb. We tell friends as we see them but noting formal per se.

To be honest, I don't like to hear about other people's early pg (unless it is my sister or close friend). The bottom line is 1 in 4 end in m/c and we all know how that goes. I told my dad and sister early with this one because they were the ones I would have told about a m/c anyway. People always say "you should have told me" if they find out after the fact, but you have been through this enough to know who is actually supportive and who isn't.

Not announcing has nothing to do with "dooming". It is really just a personal decision. Telling after the first tri allows you to be more confident with the pg. Telling early is always prefaced by "it's early but..." The later seems more "dooming" to me... But to each their own. GL with whatever you decide.

eschall · December 2009

I'm 7w2d and we are still in the process of telling people. We told parents right away. DH told his friends because he can't keep a secret, and we told some family over Thanksgiving (they wondered why I wasn't drinking and was napping and figured it out). I've also told my bosses, just so they know in case I'm out with a m/c again. I'm planning to tell the world once I'm into second tri and will tell my students once they start asking (probably 15-16 weeks). You might tell your IL and just ask them to keep it quiet and explain your fears.

ShellShockedMama · December 2009

I'm not planning on telling anyone until second tri. I just can't bear the thought of telling early and something going wrong. My mother will probably be pissed, but whatever.

mamaholic · December 2009

We told a couple of close friends who we knew wouldn't say anything, and my sister (she's my BFF). Other than that, we won't be telling anyone until after the new year, and probably not until the end of Jan. when i will be close to the end of the 1st Tri. It's hard, and I do get those "looks" and hear the whispers, but I'd rather it be that way.

Kelanne · December 2009

I think you just have to tell people when you are comfortable. For me, I told my mom right away. I also told my two bff's, but that was it.

I wanted to wait until my 2nd u/s when I was 11 weeks. Once I have that u/s I told a few more people.

Tomorrow is my NT scan and once I have that and know that everything is OK - I'll feel even more comfortable tell more people.

GL - I hope all goes well with your pregnancy :-)

Jenny086 · December 2009

First, congrats on the BFP! We told our parents a few days after the BFP and also told my sisters. Everyone was really happy, but I made sure to tell that that we are being very cautious. They all know what happened last time, and know that it could happen again. DH and I figured, we would have to tell our parents bad news and thought it only appropriate to let them share in the joy as well. I totally understand your dilema, though.

denise_m · December 2009

eschall:
I'm 7w2d and we are still in the process of telling people. We told parents right away. DH told his friends because he can't keep a secret, and we told some family over Thanksgiving (they wondered why I wasn't drinking and was napping and figured it out). I've also told my bosses, just so they know in case I'm out with a m/c again. I'm planning to tell the world once I'm into second tri and will tell my students once they start asking (probably 15-16 weeks). You might tell your IL and just ask them to keep it quiet and explain your fears.

If they were normal people, I would so do that. But, they aren't They thrive on spreading gossip and I shouldn't have been upset with the drama they started since they have a right to know everything that happens in our life. I'm just so torn, I'm going to talk to DH again about it tonight

DebbieJS77 · December 2009

ShellShockedMama:
I'm not planning on telling anyone until second tri. I just can't bear the thought of telling early and something going wrong. My mother will probably be pissed, but whatever.

This is how I feel too. My loss was late and I feel so much anxiety with this one that I don't even want to talk about it with anyone other than my best friend and hubby. I don't want to get 1 million questions and advice from people so I am not telling anyone for awhile. I am starting to show so it might be sooner than later, but I am hoping to put it off as long as possible even though I am sure some people will be pissed.

Rachel&Joe · December 2009

we told everyone around 18/20 weeks. but i had a super complicated pregnancy & DH & I are pretty private people. Good luck!

GershiGirl · December 2009

After my first loss I told my immediate family and a couple close friends at 8 weeks, but hadn't made a general announcement by the time I miscarried at 9 and half weeks. This time around I didn't want to tell ANYONE until I was in second tri... I think I told after 13 weeks. My mom got it out of me before then, but only because she asked me flat out and I didn't want to lie to her, but she was sworn to secrecy--she wasn't even allowed to tell my dad.

I did it more for me than out of concern for anyone else. It's not like I wouldn't want people to know if I had a m/c... in fact even if they didn't know I was pregnant to begin with I probably would have told some people about a m/c if it had happened, but telling people about the pregnancy made it more real for me and for my own peace of mind I spent the entire 1st trimester trying to ignore and not think about the pregnancy. It was easier for me to get through 1st tri if I wasn't focused on being pregnant and just tried to live my life like normal.

IMO it's no one else's business but you and your DH whether or not you're pregnant. If you want to tell that's great, if not, too bad for everyone else. It's totally ridiculous for people to get upset if they find out you didn't tell them right away. It's such a personal thing and no one has a "right" to know anything.

MollyK0222 · December 2009

I think your ILs sound ridiculous. I"m sorry you have to deal with that. It sucks.

I agree w/ pps that it's totally fine to tell people whenever you feel like it and telling late isn't "not embracing the pregnancy."

I told right away w/ my 1st to pregnancies, (1st DD then the m/c) and then had to go through un-telling. For me, the un-telling was kinda therapeutic. This time, I told my parents right away and a couple of close friends. After we saw the hb, we told a couple of other close friends. We'll just keep going little by little.

We live on the other side of the world from most of our friends and family, so it isn't very hard to avoid telling people.

PurpleK26 · December 2009

We told ALL family like the day after BFP, along with close friends. We waited to 'come out' on FB and to work people etc until we were 13 weeks.

We wanted the prayers for a healthy baby and the support if we lost another one. Plus, we knew we'd tell if we lost a second one, so we didn't want to offend people (especially family) if we had to tell them 'well, we were pg, but we're not anymore' etc.

It was scary, but with our first we waited till 8-9 weeks to tell, and we lost our LO at 13 weeks.

Pumpkin&Roo · December 2009

We won't tell until after 1st tri. We didn't tell anyone about my last pregnancy and subsequent m/c. I wouldn't have have wanted to have to go back with the bad news so I'm glad we kept it to ourselves.

ibis · December 2009

denise_m:

If they were normal people, I would so do that. But, they aren't They thrive on spreading gossip and I shouldn't have been upset with the drama they started since they have a right to know everything that happens in our life. I'm just so torn, I'm going to talk to DH again about it tonight

Definitely don't tell early just because they'll throw a fit. It's YOUR baby and you have every right to wait until you are comfortable.

With this pregnancy we told the people whose support we would have wanted if anything had gone wrong - our parents and siblings only. Everyone else had to wait until after our NT scan, about 12 weeks, to hear, and I even lied when asked up until that point. Unfortunately when you have a loss, you find out quickly who is supportive and who just makes the loss even harder... that's how we chose who found out the next time.

GL

carasizemore · December 2009

We told both of our moms/dads and a select aunt and a few good friends of mine immediately. We told everyone else at 12 weeks. GL!!!

jen-dale · December 2009

With our first, only our parents and a few VERY close friends knew. With our 2nd only a few VerY close friends knew-our parents still don't know about that m/c. With this pg we told our parents between 6 and 8 weeks. We didn't tell anyone else until almost 12 weeks after 2 u/s. We might have even waited until 2nd tri but everyone was getting together for DHs and my brother's bday so it just made sense. I think you just have to do what you're comfortable with. Telling for me made me more nervous for a few weeks that something might go wrong-but I'm still glad we told when/how we did.

surfergirl28 · December 2009

That's a tough one. It seems like you feel pressured to tell based on the way your IL's reacted last time. To me, that's the wrong reason to tell people. It should be something you're excited about, ready for, etc., and not based on the fear of someone's reaction.

I probably would've told them last time that the next time you're pg, you wouldn't be telling until X weeks, and they just need to accept your decision. But it's too late for that. I guess I'd tell them now, but tell them to keep it quiet until you're ready to tell everyone else.

My MIL was completely not understanding when I miscarried, so I guess I'm more sensitive to your story. I just really personally feel like this is YOUR information and you should share it when you're ready.

surfergirl28 · December 2009

Oh, and we told my parents and DH's parents immediately (well, his normal set of parents; we told his mom somewhere around 9 weeks I think) and a few close friends. Basically, we told the few people we knew would be supportive no matter what between 4 and 8 weeks. But my coworkers just found out at 17 weeks.

meggiejo · December 2009

We had planned to announce before the pee stick dried, but I started bleeding and so we have waited. 2 of my SIL's know, so basically I know all if my DH's family knows from them. We get betas today and if they are good we are telling all our family. We will probably wait a little for friends though. Our biggest problem is that we have waited for confirmed hb's both mc's and then gone on to loose the baby, so we figure there isn't a real reason to wait to tell. I always give the advise, tell those you would want to know if you have a mc. It's better for them to get to experience the joy as well as the sorrow, instead of just the sorrow. Good luck!

grr_aargh · December 2009

I've been outed by a couple of friends already, but we'll keep it under wraps for a few weeks at the very least, even for family.

erinkate23 · December 2009

I told my best friend right away, and DH told my brother who is also his closest friend.

We told our parents and very close family/friends when we saw a HB at 7 weeks. Because they knew about our previous losses, they totally understood the need to keep it "private family business" for the short term.

Everyone else waited until 2nd trimester (work, friends, aunts/uncles etc).

It was hard to keep it a semi-secret until second tri, mostly because I was afraid someone else would let it slip, but it worked out well.

pabeare · December 2009

We told family and close friends after we heard the hb but didnt announce it to everyone until we made it to 2nd tri. GL - You have to do what feels best for you.

sept9107bride · December 2009

we told immediate family about 5 sec after POAS. close family and friends knew right away for prayers and support. all others were told at 13-14 weeks.

TeenyLilac · December 2009

We told no one at all until after the NT scan at 12wks. At that point we told family and a few friends. I don't plan on telling work or more extended friend network until after or closer to the big u/s. I'm sure some people think we're nuts for waiting, but I don't really care :P

Want a personalized experience?

When did you announce your PGAL?

Re: When did you announce your PGAL?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards