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1st Trimester
WWYD about telling family? (kind of long)
DH and I have been planning on telling our families at Christmas. I will be 6+ weeks at that point. Ideally I would only like to tell our parents and siblings, but we have a big Xmas dinner at his house which includes his aunt and grandparents. He said he wants to tell everyone but he can't promise that they'll keep it a secret. He told his grandmother the day before he proposed and asked her not to tell anyone, and she told at least 5 people that day.
I feel VERY strongly that no one knows except immediate family and possibly grandparents. DH isn't sure if it's fair to ask them to keep the secret. I think it's fair, and I would rather wait until after 1st tri to tell his parents and sisters if we MUST tell everyone at the same time.
WWYD?
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Re: WWYD about telling family? (kind of long)
We told both sets of parents at 4 weeks via phone {we live 12+ hours away from either set}.
We told his siblings & extended family at Thanksgiving when I was just about 9.5 weeks.
We're telling my siblings & extended family at Christmas.
We told both sets of parents that if they told ANYONE we weren't coming to see them for their scheduled holiday, and we were serious. It was OUR news to share not theirs.
I'm sorry. No one has a RIGHT to tell. If they can't keep a secret then they can't find out. That is how I see it.
We have told some friends now, but I've taken down my Facebook wall so it can't get to my siblings and extended family before we tell them. I haven't written anything on Facebook {nor do I plan to}...I just didn't want one of my friends to.
If they can't keep a secret when he was going proposed then assume they defiantly won't be able to keep the secret now. You need to decide if your ok with this and it doesn't sound like you are.
If I have a family that would tell the world I would personally wait.
this actually sort of happened to us. i told my mom she could tell my aunt since she's her best friend and even though she told her not to tell anyone since it's extremely early, she told her husband who in turn works with one of our friends and told him. it got way out of control and i was texting our friend all weekend to please not say anything since it's super early.
i was/am pissed for obvious reasons but mostly i feel betrayed by my family that i can't trust in them to keep anything secret when asked. it's our information to reveal and it's annoying that other people feel like it's theirs.
i know they are just extremely excited for us and i appreciate it but it doesn't make the situation any different.
my mom's excuse was, 'well, once you tell one person everyone knows.' it's a sucky excuse but it's actually sort of true. even if you tell someone not to say anything, they could be calling another person and saying the same thing.
i can't tell you what you should do because it's ultimately up to you and you dh. good luck!
Zoey Emma 08.18.10
Thanks. I'm worried about exactly what you said, crows1920...they think they're only telling one person but then it gets around. If anything happens, g-d forbid, I don't want his ENTIRE town knowing.
My family I am not so worried about...maybe because I feel more comfortable being very forceful with them. I'm going to say that I will genuinely be livid and hurt if they breathe a word of it. I don't think they will. They will want to tell their boyfriends and that's fine.
It's so tough!!
Just wait then.
I knew I could trust my parents, and I was pretty sure by threatening not coming for Thanksgiving I could trust my in laws. I knew I had to hold something over my MIL's head or else she would tell the whole fvcking world.
I was not above blackmail.
yeah i was fine with just my family until i realized that my friends and my family intertwine on MANY different levels. my cousin is best friends with a friend in our 'group' of friends, our friend works for my uncle, etc...
it takes a lot to figure out and unfortunately once the damage is done, it's done so sit down with your h and discuss. also make sure you explain to the people you DO tell why you don't want it to go further. once i explained my position as to why i didn't want anyone to know, they felt sort of bad.
Zoey Emma 08.18.10
Haha, I'm not above blackmail either but Christmas is the only thing she cares about! I also may have to use the blackmail to get her to stop smoking in the house, ever. I've always told DH that I won't step foot in their house if I can smell even a hint of smoke.
IMO, if you aren't ready for potentially the whole world to know, you shouldn't tell anyone. News of pregnancy is happy news-people like to share. If you tell people, you can certainly ask them to keep it a secret. However, you also need to be aware that they might not be able to. If you can't handle that, don't tell!
This is what we're doing, too!
This seems pretty straightforward. It's important to you that only immediate family know. So don't tell anyone who might be inclined to pass it on.
FWIW, I BEGGED my mom (notorious for spilling the beans) to keep it a secret until the end of first tri and she broke down and told everyone at 9 weeks.