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Are you getting grief from long-distance relatives?

CariVinCariVin member
in 3rd Trimester
My DH and I have lived 600 miles away from our family since 2005.  It's worked out fine, we visit them they visit us... plus we love the city we're in now (Orlando).  Well, now that we're about to have a baby, I keep getting the "you should move back home" comments left & right.  My mom says she won't have a relationship with her grandchild, and my brother & SIL say the same thing.  My brother has even said "why should I even be excited about this baby? We'll never see him."  I understand that it's hard for them and I've been very close to my family my whole life.  And we definitely plan on visiting as often as possible after the baby arrives.  They just feel like since we're the ones who moved away, they have the right to throw out ugly comments to make me feel guilty.  Oh well, anyone else dealing with something similar?  Any advice?
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Re: Are you getting grief from long-distance relatives?

  • WithoutMelissaWithoutMelissa

    imageCariVin:
    My brother has even said "why should I even be excited about this baby?

     what an unfair thing for your brother to say! That would make me SO mad if my brother pulled that one on me

    We live 3000 miles from our entire family (moved to San Francisco from NC a year and a half ago) and we get the "move home now!" comments all the time - but there is a lot of opportunity for us here, and while we plan to move back at some point, this is where our family belongs right now.

    You just have to be diligent about communication - use skype, keep a blog, email often! Make a trip to see them whenever time and money permit and encourage them to do the same. 

    They can guilt trip you all they want - but ultimately you have to do what is right for YOUR family.

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  • rnfromtnrnfromtn member
    After college I moved away from most of my family to live closer to my dad.  I felt bad at first, was worried I would miss out on getting to watch my nieces and nephews grow up.  And worried that they wouldn't get to know me.  My father gave me a simple piece of advice.  "You can't live your life for other people."  And he was so right. My life is everything that I could have ever dreamed for and I know it wouldn't have worked out this way if I still lived back "home".  And, my relationship with my nieces and nephews is just fine.  Same with the bond between my dad and them.  They know who we are and love it when we come to visit.  Try to let the comments go in one ear and out the other.  I hope this helps.  I remind myself of it any time my mom guilts me about the fact that I moved 800 miles away.
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  • k.martellk.martell member

    We moved 2 hours from our families in the San Francisco Bay Area.  We live near DH's mom's side who we both enjoy a lot.  My mom is begging us to move back, but we can't afford to live in the Bay Area anymore and DH knows he won't be able to find a job up there anytime soon.

    We are going to get my parents a web cam for Christmas and help them set up Skype so they can see their Granddaughter.

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  • Bethbsn06Bethbsn06
    My mom and her sisters are very close. One of them has a family in MN (we are in IL). I am closer to my cousin in MN than I am many other relatives. All you have to do is have the desire to try, and it'll work out.
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  • greycoralgreycoral
    We definitely get guilt trips from family, but they're the ones who have all moved away over the years. We've stayed on the west coast! There's no way in hell I would ever move to any of the places our family live, I'm a west coast girl, through and through.
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  • KittahMamaKittahMama
    DH family is all back in England- they are all getting skype.  My Brother and SIL live in upstate Penn, my parents and I in KY, my other brother in TN (he DID live in China) and we have managed to stay close with my two nephews that live in PA.  We call a few times a week and skype regularly.  This is also what we plan to do with my IL's in England.  We def want them to feel a part of our baby's life and that isn't easy but at the end of the day you can have lives all over the world connected it just takes effort. 
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  • massagemommamassagemomma

    I can definitely appreciate your frustration.  We're on the west coast and all my family is on the east side...of Canada.  And my in-laws retired in Mexico.  So, neither set of grand-parents to be even live in the US currently. Each time we visit there is the inevitable conversation about how much longer we plan on staying where we are.   

    If you and hubby are happy, that's all that matters.  I told my family that this is the last Christmas we'll be getting on a plan to visit anyone.  Once little girl arrives the grandparents can pay to fly and see us!!  

    GL!  

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  • kls621kls621
    My MIL did the same thing when 2 of my DH brothers and families moved away. She gave the whole "you're breaking up the family" speech. We stood by our BIL's decisions to move which strained the relationship with MIL for a while, but she has seemed to calm down after a few years. I grew up in IL with one set of grandparents in CA and one set in WV. I had fantastic relationships with both sets, we saw them one to two times a year and all my cousins were out of state. You can have great relationships without living close, I am sorry you are getting this pressure. It will take some effort, but the grandchild will still be able to have a great relationship with relatives that are far away, it just takes love. Hang in there!
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  • proudarmywife08proudarmywife08
    I got that too, especially with this baby and DH being deployed. My parents practically tried to drag me back home. I finally just had to tell them that where we live is our home, we (DD and I and the new baby) will stay here even when DH is deployed or otherwise not here. We don't live somewhere b/c DH gets sent there, we live somewhere together as a family and its just where we live. In your case you can also say its where you choose to live with your family if it would help. My parents don't like it and have grand illusions that we're someday moving back home (there's not an Army base nearby either, so...yeah sure). I'd love for them to see DH's new five year plan and where we might end up living (hawaii, anyone?!). I think they have a hard time b/c you're their child and they expect you to live at home or near home forever.
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