Planning On Going Natural and DH Not Supportive?

Barneso · December 2009

My DH is always supportive of EVERYthing... except this.

I am adamant about going naturally with the childbirthing and he sort of shakes his head and says, "Okay..."

He keeps telling me that it's "Not a competition," etc, etc. I just don't want the epidural and I think I can handle it. Of course if things get horribly bad or it's needed for some reason, I'll get it.

It's frustrating, though, because he is my coach and if I can't get him on board with this, I'm not sure how successful I will be.

ChicNotGeek · December 2009

He's just concerned for your comfort. Men can't fathom giving birth, or even the concept of squeezing a watermelon through an orifice the size of a small lemon.

I'm sure that he wants whatever you want, and supports whatever decision you make, but he also doesn't want you to have any discomfort/pain. That's it.

Mrs.KLF · December 2009

That is definitely frustrating. I was just telling DH last night that I think the biggest factor in if someone is successful with a natural birth is whether or not they have a good support system around them during labor.

If I were you, I would talk to DH about specific reasons why you want to have a natural birth. Maybe him understanding your reasoning will help him be more supportive.

Barneso · December 2009

Good advice - I think he and I do need to sit down and have a talk about it because I don't think I will be successful if my coach is saying, "Just get an epidural!" when it's bad.

I know he's concerned for my comfort but women have been doing this for lots and lots of years without meds.

epphd · December 2009

This was the reason that I made DH go to classes with me. He was skeptical, but throughout my pregnancy I've been incredibly good natured and have not had much in the way of complaints (I've been enormously lucky). Between that and the classes, he actually said "you know, you're tough. You're just going to power through and get it done." That confidence in me is what will help him be my coach. He knows and I know I can do it.

GL - I agree; he needs to be on the same page to help coach you.

poison489 · December 2009

Have you told your husband the reasons why you want to go natural and the risks of having an induced/medicated birth. My husband was all for me going natural once he found out the possible side affects of pitocin and the other pain medications, including increased risk of needing a c-section and possible links to long term learning disabilities for baby.

shimmerairbrush · December 2009

I agree with a couple of the pp's. I think its a pain & discomfort issue. I have no set plans for any specific type of birth. I would like to go narcotic free, then opt for the epi when my body is ready. But who knows what will happen. DH is like, "well don't say no to the pre-meds until we get there...what if it totally hurts?!" Um, duh, it's going to totally hurt. But i'm hoping that our coping & breathing skills will get us through that bit of time. But he readily admits that he DOES NOT want to see me in pain.

MrsHK · December 2009

I know it'll sound strange but natural childbirth is pretty difficult on the DHs too. I know it'd be really difficult for me to have to watch DH in such pain and not really be able to just take it all away.

I think DS's birth (natural) was very traumatic for DH, not just because of DS being born but because he did have to see me in a lot of pain. When normally I am a healthy person and never complain about so much as a headache. Heck I kept quite for two weeks while in pain before I realized I had passed a kidney stone. So DH is not used to seeing me in pain at all. Not used to seeing me complain, cry or ask for help. Obviously I had to get over all of that in order to work towards the natural childbirth I wanted.

That being said, I remember I was very nervous at first about telling DH I wanted to try natural childbirth. His initial reaction was along the 'huh? well, uhhhhh ok' While I'm sure on the inside he was thinking ' Indifferent WTF'

We educated ourselves together and with every little bit more of information we learned he became my biggest supporter. I had to actually remind him to be a little quieter about it because he was bragging to everyone that I was going to go natural long before I had actually reached that goal. Now anytime we watch Baby Story or such and he sees the epi come out he cringes and says, "I'm so glad you don't want that"

deepblue789 · December 2009

Wow, that is not going to be easy - you need him to be on board even if you falter when you go into transition. My husband did not understand why I wanted to go natural at first, but information/research is key to get him on board. Bradley classes really helped too where he learned how important his part will be. He now sees it as his opportunity to be there for me as a man. It is going to be his job, his part in all of this. You really need to talk and come with as much research as you can to give him a chance to learn.

Barneso · December 2009

deepblue789:
Wow, that is not going to be easy - you need him to be on board even if you falter when you go into transition. My husband did not understand why I wanted to go natural at first, but information/research is key to get him on board. Bradley classes really helped too where he learned how important his part will be. He now sees it as his opportunity to be there for me as a man. It is going to be his job, his part in all of this. You really need to talk and come with as much research as you can to give him a chance to learn.

We've already attended our childbirthing classes and while the teachers were very pro-natural, he's still not on board.

I have very good reasons for wantign to go natural, which I've expressed to him but still not on board. I think I need to sit his ass down and really express to him how serious I am.

mratch · December 2009

Have you thought about having another person in the room with you that is supportive of your decision to go natural. Maybe a friend or family member. Possibly a doula. If he will not be on board in the next few weeks you are going to need the support in the L&D room.

shadowboxerkd · December 2009

poison489:
Have you told your husband the reasons why you want to go natural and the risks of having an induced/medicated birth. My husband was all for me going natural once he found out the possible side affects of pitocin and the other pain medications, including increased risk of needing a c-section and possible links to long term learning disabilities for baby.

What's this about learning disabilities?? This is the first I've heard of it. I'd definitely be interested in seeing the literature on this (further motivation to go all natural).

poison489 · December 2009

I believe it was the documentary Pregnant in America that really gave great details about all of the side effects of the drugs used during labor. I have watched so many movies/documentaries though, I might be mixing them up.

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