In law issues

amdicl · December 2009

I am a very frequent lurker and rarely post, but I feel the need to now. I am not trying to flame anyone...but...all of these many, many posts that are IL bashing disturb me. My DH's parents are both gone....FIL died when DH was 15 from a heart attack (I never got the chance to meet him) and MIL died in 2005 from brain cancer. He would want nothing more on this planet, other than a healthy baby, to have them here with him to join us in this amazing experience. They were not there to see him graduate from grad school, they were not able to attend our wedding and they will not be there to see their 1st grandson be born. I know there are many reasons why you might feel that your feelings are valid in disliking or venting about your IL's, but for just a moment, step back and realize that your DH would not be here if not for them and in most cases, would not be the man that you have grown to love, if it wasn't for their love and parenting.

gingerfamily · December 2009

MrsC17 · December 2009

While I TOTALLY get where you are coming from (and I am so sorry for your DH that his parents are there to see these great events in his life), I just want to say that I don't think most people here hate their in laws or wish they weren't around, I think this place is just a sounding board so people can get some things off their chest. I, personally, get along with my IL's very well and I'm extremely thankful for their love and support, but I certainly don't begrudge anyone who's having a tough time with theirs the ability to get their frustrations out.

CapitolBaby · December 2009

I respect your opinion, however, if you had a MIL like mine, who says to her other grandchildren (who are 7 and 9 years old) that if they hold their mom's hand (her son's wife), they'll all turn out gay, you might think twice about what you say to people with in-law issues. She also told my husband that my father (who is completely paralyzed) hit on her and made her extremely uncomfortable when she first met him. She said that in an effort to make my husband resent my father. She also tried to convince me the week after we got back on our honeymoon that the silk nightgown my mom bought for me was a nightgown my DH bought for another woman. She's an evil bit%&. I'm sorry your baby won't have many grandparents, but please don't judge the rest of us.

ilovemyprince · December 2009

I'm sorry for your and your DH's loss, but it doesn't mean we all have to adore our IL's, a lot of the post on here are just VENTS. We aren't wishing for them to go away, or saying we wish they never exists, just that something they did pissed us off, or something.

amdicl · December 2009

I am not saying for a moment that they shouldn't get frustrated with them or need to vent about them, this an open forum of strangers, I would vent here, too. BUT, all to often I see people vent about very, very petty problems, problems that my DH and I would take daily, just to have them around. I am just asking the people who feel the need to vent to on the flipside feel grateful that even though the IL's might be a PIA, they are who they are and your DH is who he is, good or bad, because of them.

whitward87 · December 2009

I am so sorry your children won't have grandparents on DH's side. That must be awful for both of you guys. I can't imagine. But my MIL is so evil it's not even funny. She's told me, DH and my unborn child to burn in hell on several occasions. (through the grapevine, we don't speak to her). She killed our dog while watching him before our wedding and called us on our wedding night to let us know, even though he had been dead for a week or so. She has tried suing us numerous times and the crap talking is just too much at times. I like to come here and vent. If I don't like a topic, I just don't open the post. Again, I am sorry about your situation. I am sending T&P's your way this Holiday.

ilovemyprince · December 2009

amdicl:

I am not saying for a moment that they shouldn't get frustrated with them or need to vent about them, this an open forum of strangers, I would vent here, too. BUT, all to often I see people vent about very, very petty problems, problems that my DH and I would take daily, just to have them around. I am just asking the people who feel the need to vent to on the flipside feel grateful that even though the IL's might be a PIA, they are who they are and your DH is who he is, good or bad, because of them.

A "petty" problem to you, may not be a petty problem to the one who has to deal with that situation. And who are you to say that we don't appreciate our IL's? Just because we vent about them once or twice, doesn't mean we hate them. We vent about our own parents to, doesn't mean we hate them!!

OhioBobcat · December 2009

CapitolBaby:
I respect your opinion, however, if you had a MIL like mine, who says to her other grandchildren (who are 7 and 9 years old) that if they hold their mom's hand (her son's wife), they'll all turn out gay, you might think twice about what you say to people with in-law issues. She also told my husband that my father (who is completely paralyzed) hit on her and made her extremely uncomfortable when she first met him. She said that in an effort to make my husband resent my father. She also tried to convince me the week after we got back on our honeymoon that the silk nightgown my mom bought for me was a nightgown my DH bought for another woman. She's an evil bit%&. I'm sorry your baby won't have many grandparents, but please don't judge the rest of us.

These are the IL issues that I think are TOTALLY valid.

The ones where logic just doesn't fit into the equation. In fact, it's even less about the fact that they're even an IL...but more about the fact that they're just not right.

I personally LOVE my ILs and I am SOOOOO grateful that they are the way they are...loving and supportive. My DH is the way he is because of his parents and I couldn't be happier.

Yes, some IL complaints are a bit silly and I'm sure they're meant just to vent...but some people genuinely have MONSTEROUS ILs and I really don't understand why, as grandparents, they would WANT to act the way they do.

Again though...logic/reasoning...don't exist in those cases.

Meli0604 · December 2009

ilovemyprince:

I'm sorry for your and your DH's loss, but it doesn't mean we all have to adore our IL's, a lot of the post on here are just VENTS. We aren't wishing for them to go away, or saying we wish they never exists, just that something they did pissed us off, or something.

Yes

There are certainly days when I feel frustrated by my MIL and I can't help thinking how much more frustrating she will be once LO is born...but there are also days I'm frustrated with my own mother. But that doesn't change the fact that I love my mother dearly and am extremely grateful she's here for me through this pregnancy. So no matter how much I might vent I would never prevent my MIL from being a part of my LO's life.

amdicl · December 2009

Wow, just wow...I am not quite sure which one of you thought I was speaking to you specifially, because it really was just a general post, so there is no need for anyone to get their panties in a bunch. I do not know any of your personal situations, so there was no individual finger pointing here. This may get me in trouble, but some of you are way too sensitive and I can see how someone might push your buttons the wrong way. My post was just to offer a friendly reminder that even though the IL's may be a train wreck to you, they must have done something right with your DH. Hmmm...maybe this is why I don't post, people just read what they want to read.

mrs_sherod · December 2009

I can see your point, but the same would go for DH vents, some don't have a DH/SO. People want to vent...go for it. I for one can't stand MIL for various reasons, but just because she is the reason DH is here, doesn't discount my feelings.

lpstl · December 2009

amdicl:
My post was just to offer a friendly reminder that even though the IL's may be a train wreck to you, they must have done something right with your DH.

You're making an enormous assumption here. My MIL ran out on her family and shacked up with another man when my husband was 2 years old . My FIL had custody, she got the kids maybe every other weekend during the years she wasn't planning one of the five weddings she's had over the years.

The only thing my husband learned from her? What not to do. I suppose I should thank her for that actually.

Jeni182 · December 2009

amdicl:
Wow, just wow...I am not quite sure which one of you thought I was speaking to you specifially, because it really was just a general post, so there is no need for anyone to get their panties in a bunch. I do not know any of your personal situations, so there was no individual finger pointing here. This may get me in trouble, but some of you are way too sensitive and I can see how someone might push your buttons the wrong way. My post was just to offer a friendly reminder that even though the IL's may be a train wreck to you, they must have done something right with your DH. Hmmm...maybe this is why I don't post, people just read what they want to read.

I'm sorry if it seemed like my panties were in a bunch. I mean...I'm wearing my pregnant lady panties so I'm pretty comfy. Wink

I'm terribly sorry for you and your DH's loss. It really is a tragedy and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I just think there's really nothing wrong with venting. We should probably stop a minute and think about what we have to be thankful for, but the truth of the matter is that doesn't happen as often as it should. It is a good reminder though, so thank you for that.

whitward87 · December 2009

amdicl:
Wow, just wow...I am not quite sure which one of you thought I was speaking to you specifially, because it really was just a general post, so there is no need for anyone to get their panties in a bunch. I do not know any of your personal situations, so there was no individual finger pointing here. This may get me in trouble, but some of you are way too sensitive and I can see how someone might push your buttons the wrong way. My post was just to offer a friendly reminder that even though the IL's may be a train wreck to you, they must have done something right with your DH. Hmmm...maybe this is why I don't post, people just read what they want to read.

My panties can't be in a bunch, I am not wearing any! Wink I get where you are coming from, but sometimes if I don't vent here, I think I may go crazy! KWIM?

KendraJoette · December 2009

I get where you are coming from, I wouldnt trade my ILs for the world! But with that said, I think you are being a little high and mighty. Everything we complain about in life can be looked at from two sides. And as much as some people could benefit from looking at it your way, you're pretty quick to judge when you have very little experience with what they are talking about.

My ILs are awsome, and I have never vented about them, but my sister has the ILs from Hell, and somedays she complains about petty stuff but it is a big deal to her because her MIL lives to make my sister's life hell (and that is NOT and overstatement). Just cause vents sometimes seem petty doesnt mean you have the whole story...they may not feel comfortable sharing the big stuff, but need to get stuff off thier chest.

nealbl · December 2009

I absolutely love my inlaws, however i have read some of the inlaw posts on here and inlaws or not I would not let a person treat me the way some peoples inlaws treat them. If someone is nasty to you, you are most likely not going to like them. I am sorry that you and your DH had such tragedys with his parents. That is very sad that they couldn't be a part of the big moments in your lives. With that said I think some of the girls on here have every right to dislike their inlaws when they treat them so poorly. Some complain about petty little things but we all need to vent sometimes.

KendraJoette · December 2009

amdicl:
Wow, just wow...I am not quite sure which one of you thought I was speaking to you specifially, because it really was just a general post, so there is no need for anyone to get their panties in a bunch. I do not know any of your personal situations, so there was no individual finger pointing here. This may get me in trouble, but some of you are way too sensitive and I can see how someone might push your buttons the wrong way. My post was just to offer a friendly reminder that even though the IL's may be a train wreck to you, they must have done something right with your DH. Hmmm...maybe this is why I don't post, people just read what they want to read.

I dont think people think you are talking to them specifically, but that aside, you got your panties in a bunch first...

Shell24 · December 2009

I'm very sorry for your DH's loss. While it's sad for anyone to lose someone they loved, were close to, got along with, etc. that is not the case for everyone.. I agree that some of the vents aren't too bad, but I'm sure the person's frustration is exaggerated on here. Petty venting doesn't warrant a response of, "Just be glad they're around."

And some people really have toxic relationships with their inlaws, parents, a sibling, whoever.

Your situation shouldn't impact someone else being able to biitch about something someone in their family did. Nor does it mandate that everyone should be appreciative of the relatives in their lives because your DH no longer has his.

I see posts like this every once in a while and it baffles me how this could make sense to anyone.

m00n_fire@hotmail.com · December 2009

nealbl:
I absolutely love my inlaws, however i have read some of the inlaw posts on here and inlaws or not I would not let a person treat me the way some peoples inlaws treat them. If someone is nasty to you, you are most likely not going to like them. I am sorry that you and your DH had such tragedys with his parents. That is very sad that they couldn't be a part of the big moments in your lives. With that said I think some of the girls on here have every right to dislike their inlaws when they treat them so poorly. Some complain about petty little things but we all need to vent sometimes.

couldn't have said it better myself.

hterry85 · December 2009

My in laws have been involved with none of the events mentioned, except that was by their choice. And actually, my DH would not be who he was had he not gotten out of their house at 15.

But I guess that's nothing to complain about...

katie.i.do · December 2009

this is a little overboard, no? i don't have any parents, but i don't have a problem with people venting about theirs. Parents do infuriating things sometimes, as do inlaws. sometimes it doesn't matter if every single person in the room can relate or not, just that it's what one person is going through. you need to stop internalizing this one.

AllisonErq · December 2009

okay - i have the worst of both scenarios here - my DH's mother is the MIL from hell and his father was killed in a motorcycle accident when DH was 22 years old. of course we would give anything for his dad to be here and be the grandpa of our little girl. but he is gone and wishing and hoping isn't bringing him back. nor is wearing my rose colored glasses about my MIL and her serious issues.

please don't be so judgemental - you say that you would love to put up with these "petty" issues if you could only have them back. that isn't true. if you had to put up with these same exact issues, you wouldn't find them so trivial or be so judgemental to those of us who are going through it. if you hadn't lost your MIL but were sitting here every single day wondering if today was the day that the crap would hit the fan, you wouldn't be so puppies and rainbows about it.

AllisonErq · December 2009

amdicl:
Wow, just wow...I am not quite sure which one of you thought I was speaking to you specifially, because it really was just a general post, so there is no need for anyone to get their panties in a bunch. I do not know any of your personal situations, so there was no individual finger pointing here. This may get me in trouble, but some of you are way too sensitive and I can see how someone might push your buttons the wrong way. My post was just to offer a friendly reminder that even though the IL's may be a train wreck to you, they must have done something right with your DH. Hmmm...maybe this is why I don't post, people just read what they want to read.

since i was the person with the most IL issues posted today, i thought i was right in assuming that i brought this on. *shrug*

TheMrsWithTheMostess · December 2009

Here you go

elizabe · December 2009

Really, you can't say "all of these many, many posts that are IL bashing disturb me," and then follow it up with "don't get your panties in a bunch--people are just reading what they want to read."

We're all dealing with our own issues and just need to vent-- and yes, sometimes it's about the trivial things with people that we love anyway. ILs are probably a frequent topic because as much as we might have in common with DH/SO, the fact is that his parents are not our parents, and we weren't raised in their homes, so they probably did/do some things that are different and strange to us.

And, venting here is way better than going off on MIL in person about something that you know is ridiculous!

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