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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
i cannot take him anymore and dont know what to do (kinda NBR, and kinda long)
He is one of the most irresponsible and selfish people I know, but he doesnt beat me, he loves his little girl and hes very nice and loving to me.However, we recently got a bunch of crap stolen from our truck because he forgot to lock the doors. That was a week and a half ago. He has yet to lock the truck doors still since then, I let him know each time he does it, nicely. I get home from work today, and he forgot to lock the house!!!!
On top of that TINY thing, He decided to join a band...why he thought this was a good idea with a damn newborn, I dont know. Ive discussed my displeasure in great detail about this. his response is "well, chris needs me and It wont take up too much of my time". BS, I have spent many nights crying and talking and yeling about how I just want one day to myself without him running off to help "the band". to no avail, obviously. Tonight I got off work at 9:30 and he was supposed to drop our truck off at my job, and take my 2 seater manual truck with him, so I didnt have to drive 45 minutes with the baby in the front seat with me.(he was on his way to band practice..at 10pm-1am....*sigh*) He called and said he has too much stuff and it would take too long to switch stuff out and blah blah. So I took the baby home in my truck, in the front seat with me.
Weve talked sooooo many times about him forgetting crap, how the baby and our home life needs to come first NO MATTER WHAT and nothing sinks in. I cant take it anymore and I dont know what to do. I dont want to leave him over this since he is a good daddy, meaning he loves his little girl he plays with her and doesnt beat her and hes very loving to me.
But there is only so much I can take of doing EVERYTHING in the house, essentially babysitting him to make sure he remembers to do stuff.
thanks for listening to my vent. Im so frustrated right now. He was like this before we got married, but we discussed ALOT about if ad when we have a kid, his ways HAVE to change, and he promised up and down, and nothing has changed. I just cant handle me and the baby always coming 2nd and me being the only person that seems to care about anything.
blah.
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Re: i cannot take him anymore and dont know what to do (kinda NBR, and kinda long)
The "doesn't beat her" thing is kinda weird to me. Why bring this up if he doesn't do it?? Seems odd.
Is there anyone else who can help you for a little while?
oh goodness, Im not hinting at anything. I mean he hasnt done anything bad to that extent.
He is going to individual counseling because I told him it was that or it was over. After a while we will do couples counseling.
I am here if you want to chat!
I may just do that. thanks!
I am sorry you are going through this. If he was like this before wedding and now, I do not see how he will improve and show better results with the same input (you talking nicely, baby sitting him). Obviously that hasn't helped.
I think you should find some help from family or close friends who will not judge you. And delegate some of the baby's responsibilities. Like may be once or twice a week someone could baby sit for a couple of hours? This will give you time to think for yourself and plan for the week ahead. It seems like guys time and band are his prioroties right now and he is not about to change.
I would suggest seeking counselling or take family's help so you could get a breather. That is the most important for you and your baby right now. You need to feel better and feel you are in control of your life. GL.
That stinks and Im sorry.
You probably should have dealt with these issues before you had the baby, though. Promising you will change means nothing if you really think about it. I suggest going to couples therapy and seeing if that helps. DH and I had to take mandatory classes with our pastor for 6 weeks before he would agree to marry us and it was amazing the things were able to work through. We didnt have "major" issues but all those little things add up. Since then, our relationship has been awesome and that was 2 years ago. Sure, we have our moments but I know that DD's and I come first, always, and thats really important.
Good luck babe, its rough but hang in there and try to work it out. BUT, if you only sticking around for the baby then thats the wrong reason to stick around...trust me.
thanks for all of the advice ladies. For some reason counseling never came to mind. I think I will bring that up tonight when he gets home.
Oh and to the PP, Im not staying in it for LO, I just cant decide on what to do, I love him dearly and having a hard time with his "baggage". I wouldnt stay with him for her though. If its our time, its our time.
Good. Hopefully he'll be open to the idea. Its worth a shot at least. We're FB friends too and you can message me on there if you wanted more advice as well or just someone to talk to.
I'd just hate for you to be disappointed like I was with my oldest daughters father...he was a real peach but it took a long time for me to see that.
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