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Can anyone share a story where your marriage survived a rough patch?

Expecting0207Expecting0207
in Parenting
Just looking for inspiration.  I'm not ready to talk about details yet but I'd love to hear positive stories where everything worked out.  If we can make it for the next 6 months, I think we'll be fine, but it's going to be a long and rough 6 months.
J1 1.19.07
J2 11.17.08
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Re: Can anyone share a story where your marriage survived a rough patch?

  • Chrisy-WyobrideChrisy-Wyobride member
    Well when my DD#1 was about 1.5yrs old I found out some stuff about my DH...to some people not a big deal, but to me it was huge.  There was definitely some lying involved & he also did some really irresponsible stuff.  He was treating me differently (& badly) & that was what prompted me to investigate what was going on.  I think I was pregnant w/ #2 at the time too.  It was really rough for a while.  There was a 2nd round of me finding out stuff a month later & I left him for a while.  Luckily *I* own a vacation home w/ my sister & Mom so I just took my DD & went up there.  He wrote me letter, called & basically begged for me to come back.  Eventually I did---I think I was gone 3wks.  I still had some trust issues but he agreed to my "demands" & I did check up on him for a good year or more.  It's been about 3.5yrs & never had another issue.  I do partially chaulk it up to my DH's father dying right before he started acting "badly"...I don't think he knew how to deal w/ it.  But I still hold him responsible.  I hope it works out for you guys.  Hang in there, it can get better.  
    AKA Carol*Brady! IHO my upcoming 10yr Nestiversary--Back to old screenname. My own Marsha, Jan & Cindy... imageDesigning a Life Blog
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  • MelandJeffMelandJeff

    I dont have the answer for you, but I just wanted to tell you that I truly think that every marriage has a rough patch or two along the way.

     

    You already seem to have a positive attitude about it (seeing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can make it through the next 6 months)

    GL

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  • stcroixbridestcroixbride member

    is your DH in med school, or is that someone else?  sorry, I haven't been on in a while.

    I don't have a story, just wanted to say we're also in the "6 more LONG months" category.  DH is finishing his degree after 10 LOOOOOONG years (and sadly, it is only a BS) going to school PT.  We have been at each other's throats lately because of the stress of it all.  I literally said to him the other day "Maybe I should just go live with my parents for the next 6 months"  Won't actually do it, but I am SO frustrated with our lives.

    We just are hanging in there while he finishes...lift that stress, and things should be much easier on everyone.

    Hope everything is OK with you and that you can hang in there a little while longer.

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  • Expecting0207Expecting0207

    St.Croix - he is finishing residency.

     Bottom line is that his BFF is a female - a highly unattractive one that many people think swings for the other team - but I feel like he is overly emotionally invested right now.  He has had her around me, I've spent time with her one on one, and aside from the sheer volume of communication (texting) I have no other reason to think anything is going on.  In 6 months we move 400 miles away and he'll be busting his ass at a new job so I expect their friendship to fade dramatically.

    J1 1.19.07
    J2 11.17.08
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  • 4Speedy4Speedy member

    My mom and dad went through a really rough patch when I was in high school.  I think it was brought on by financial struggles (my dad started a business that failed and they lost everything).  My mom took over as the sole provider and honestly, did better than my dad ever did.  My parents are in their 70's, so they are of the generation when the men were the sole providers.  I think to this day, my dad's ego still hasn't recovered from the failed business and he really hasn't gotten over the fact that my mom was able to step up and do it by herself.  At the time, the financial struggles started the ball rolling, but pretty soon, they had almost every marrital problem (except infidelity) that you can imagine. It was BAD-BAD-BAD for 3-4 years.  They found a way to stick out out and for several more years, it was really just a peaceful coexistence.  Eventually, they fell back in love and are really enjoying their "golden years" together.  It's been 20 good years since they had their problems and they both consider each other their best friends. 

    My dad has been in the hospital for nearly 6 months now (ICU for 4 months and residential nursing/rahab for the other 2).  I have never seen so much love in my life.  My mom could be really bitter at the way my dad treated her during those bad years but instead, she decided way back that for her own sake, she just needed to let it all go.  I can't tell you how many nurses have commented that they have never seen a more loving or devoted spouse.  They have spent the last 6 months, sitting side by bedside all day, having heartfelt talks about how glad they are that they stayed together and what they mean to each other.  They have big plans for all the great things they will do when my dad is better.

    In the thick of it, I never thought they would make it through the problems.  But i am so glad they did--they are an amazing testament to what it means to stick it out.  They would have missed out on the best times of their life had they given up all those years ago.

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  • Ned&NoraNed&Nora
    imageExpecting0207:

    St.Croix - he is finishing residency.

     Bottom line is that his BFF is a female - a highly unattractive one that many people think swings for the other team - but I feel like he is overly emotionally invested right now.  He has had her around me, I've spent time with her one on one, and aside from the sheer volume of communication (texting) I have no other reason to think anything is going on.  In 6 months we move 400 miles away and he'll be busting his ass at a new job so I expect their friendship to fade dramatically.

    Unfortunately, I can relate.  DH has a friend like this at work (in different office from him, but they work on projects together).  My sole concern is the number of texts/calls between them.  I feel as though he shares more with her than he does with me, and while I don't really suspect something is going on, I can't shake the feeling that things aren't right.  I've expressed my concerns and frustrations to DH, so he knows it is an issue for me.

     I will say, however, that since one of the projects they work on has gone away, the amount of communication has decreased.  I think it is a stress thing.  I would never, ever want to lose my husband, so I've tried to be understanding and take him at his word, as I would want him to do for me.  I think you need to just put your head down, tell DH your concerns, and fight through until you move.  As you said, this will all resolve once you move. 

     Best of luck!

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  • stcroixbridestcroixbride member

    ok - I can see the issue.  Have you asked him about her?  You said yourself that you don't think anything is really going on, but it sounds like it is bugging you nonetheless.

    You might just want to tell him how you are feeling, even if it is just to say "It sounds nuts, I know, but it bugs me"

    Good luck, and hang in there!

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