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Blended Families
J&A2008
member
got signed affidavit from BM!!!!
J&A2008
member
agreeing to a termination of her parental rights so we can start the adoption process. I'm amazed.
We're not severing contact. BM can still call when she wants and we've even said we will allow some visitation when it's appropriate. Right now, she's living in the same state as J's family, so the boys might get to see her for a day visit on some holidays, minus the abusive bf, of course.
We've not been able to celebrate, other than a long and teary (me) hug. The boys won't know about this, at least not in the near future. We see no point in trying to explain it to them while they are so young.
Just wanted to share.
Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: got signed affidavit from BM!!!!
Just in time for Christmas :-)
Well, first of all, it's not a done deal. We still have to file, she still has the ability to change her mind, and we really don't see the profit of telling them anything.
Secondly, nothing will change about their relationship with BM. They'll still call her "mom" when they talk. As of today, it's probably been close to 3 months since she's spoken to them.
They'll have to know when they're adults because legally I will be their mother, so when they're completing any paperwork, I think they'll have to list me. By then, who knows what the situation will be. BM could have fallen off the face of the earth, or she could get her stuff together and be involved in their lives. I'm only interested in what's best for them, so it could go either way.
J&A I am truly delighted for you and the boys. I will pray that it goes through smoothly. You truly are a good person and the boys will do wonderful with you in their lives.
Well it's probably going to be as you say - once the ink is dried it will be official. However, I'm thrilled for you that it's heading that way.
On another note - I believe that as the kids have been with you all these years, and are young, telling them about the adoption is a technicality at this point.
Congrats!
Once it's all completed, I would definitely tell them. If you do this when they are young,it will never really be an issue. If you wait until they are older to tell them or they find out on their own it could turn into a negaitive situation for them. I really hope you will rethink this, or talk to an adoption counselor.
Either way, congrats!
I can't imagine how to tell a young child that their mother, who is still a small part of their lives, has said she won't be their mother anymore.
They won't be a part of the hearing because they are under 14.
I think by waiting we can see how to approach it. As I've said, we have no idea what their relationship with BM will be in the coming years. Either way, I have been "mom" to them for years. I was "mom" to youngest SS before he ever "met" BM, so the adoption will be a technicality whether she's still involved or if she's not. Right now, they are used to having two moms and don't really think about who is on their birth certificate and who is not. We don't see the point of making a big deal out of who is their "legal" mother because we never have before.
Hopefully, it will be easy for them to understand when they're older. The major factors driving the adoption are that she is in rehab and that her other two children have been removed from her for neglect issues twice. BM was beaten by her bf and spent a few months in jail this year, and after BM and him got back together. We have not explained any of these situations to them because we feel they are way too young . Once they are old enough that we can explain the present situation, it will be simple to explain why the adoption happened.
I understand what your saying. I just think it's something that should be celebrated, but I can see where it might confuse them now.