DH is doesn't like the pressure - help! — The Bump
Trouble TTC

DH is doesn't like the pressure - help!

Is this normal? DH and I just started TTC about 6 months ago, we are both over 35. He doesn't want to know when I am ovulating and also doesn't like feeling pressured to do it at any certain time of the month... I don't know what to do to help him. I tried to say we should have "cuddle time" tonight and he replied by saying he "doesn't like the feeling" that he's getting, which is basically that we should have sex to TTC.

Any suggestions??? Aah!

Re: DH is doesn't like the pressure - help!

  • Do you suggest "cuddle time" at any other point in your cycle other then when you are ovulating? If not, try just spontaneous sex ALL through your cycle rather then just the 2-3 nights in prime time.

    It is no fun to have timed intercourse, it does begin to feel like a chore. Stop sharing with him your charts and your OPKs and just have sex to have sex. 

    A lot of years and a million tears finally led me to you.
    After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
    My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
    <a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
  • My dh was (and still sometimes is!) the same way. As others have said I just don't tell him when I am ovulating. Or we break out the dvd's to give him a little extra visual help if needed!
    [IMG]http://i27.tinypic.com/28h3goj.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i27.tinypic.com/m39cp.jpg[/IMG]
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    My oh my! Carter is now 7yrs old! Cora was welcomed into this world on 08-19-2010 and her brother or sister will be here Feb 2013. I'm not sure if we are ready to be outnumbered!
    Hindsight- "Therapy doesn't cure stupid."
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  • I don't share anything about charts, ovulation times, fertility issues, but he probably figures it out because I don't suggest "cuddle time" or anything sexual other times of the month. I wish he were being more of a "team player" because we both know that we are trying to conceive, so it seems silly to try to skirt around the issue.

  • We just started trying two months ago and DH is the same way...says it puts to much presure on him.  So I dont know what to tell you but if you find a way to work with this please let me know too!! 

     This month was ruff I was a few days late and he got his hopes up.  He looked like he was going to cry when we took the test and it was neg. 

    I think it is just as hard on them as it is on us.  We may not think so and they may not like to say so but I think its true. 

    Good luck!

  • When we were going through fertility treatment, that was one of the main issues.  Our marriage even started suffering for it.  My advice would be the same as one of the previous posts, try to have "Cuddle Time" at all times during the month.  That way he really won't know when your time is and he wont' feel pressured.  The more spontaneous, the better.
  • Perhaps I am a mean wife, but DH and I sat down and had a talk about it. I Told him that we both had to be on the same page about trying to have a baby. He had to get over those issues and be a partner to me 100% or else it wasn't going to work.

    He is a champ now, every other day. He even initiates a good portion of the time.

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