I've been having big difficulty lately with depression. Here's my situation:
We changed insurance and my regular OB and primary care physician's group are no longer in our plan. My pcp actually moved away and I was assigned to another doctor in the practice who hasn't seen me.
I tried to call a psychiatrist office but the only docs who accept my insurance don't have appointments available for 3 months or so.
There's another doc in town who does not take my insurance, but yesterday I was despereate and didn't care what it would cost ($150-$300 per visit). They wouldn't make an appointment for me without a referral from my pcp. In order to get an evaluation by this psychiatrist, I would have to find a new primary within my insurance coverage network, have an appointment, just so they could say YES, you need to see a psychiatrist. I wanted to see a psychiatrist because they know all the ins & outs of all the meds. Versus a pcp who isn't familliar with all the meds as well. I called my OB to see if she'd make the referral phone call for me and they wouldn't do it because it had been a while (3 months or so) since she had seen me.
Trying to make all these phonecalls yesterday, in tears, was so hard. At first the boys were asleep, but then they woke up and were crying too. It was hell. I called Frank at work and asked him to come home, which he did. In my last call to the OB, begging for a referral call, they told me to go to the ER.
I'm so embarrassed. Heaven forbid I want to run for office some day because it's official - I ended up at the hospital for a "psychotic break". I was happy because the docs at the hospital are the ones I couldn't get in to see and wanted to. I thought I'd be forced into their schedule.
Nope, they made an appointment for me today at the county mental health clinic. I'm going to be mixed in with the crack addicts and psychos. They have a nurse practitioner, not even a doctor. I wanted to go to the MD at the private practice!
I was supposed to go today at 9:30 for my first therapy session but it was cancelled due to the weather.
My mom is here with me today. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I know I shouldn't be, and blah blah blah, but I won't deny my feelings. So that's how my day went yesterday.
Re: Ended up in the ER psych unit (long)
Big big big hugs.
Health insurance sucks big time. I'm so sorry.
Wow, that is the second story on this board this week in which the medical system has failed soemone reaching out for help. No wonder there is so much unchecked mental illness in this country.
I'm so very sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry you're having so much trouble. I really hope you get the help you need. I think you're amazingly strong for being so persistent in seeking it out--you obviously care about yourself and those boys.
I'll be thinking about you!
You poor thing. I am almost in tears for you. What a horrible day. I am so MAD at your OB. How dare they make you jump through all those hoops. They should have immediately referred you.
I am so so sorry you are dealing with this.
BIG hugs!
OH honey. I'm so sorry.
Did you get a social workers number while you were there? perhaps another avenue to head? what a mess.
As for being mixed in with the crack addicts and psychos, they don't go to their appts honey. They stay home and do crack and be psychos. ;-)
Keep going. You'll get there. I'm here if you need an ear.
Clomid M/C 8 weeks 2/08 *IVF #1-DD born 3/09
*Surprise BFP-T18 baby lost at 13w 1/10 *FET #1-DS born 2/11
I am so very proud of you for demanding that you get the medical attention that you know you need.
It seems so insane to me that with a condition who's main problem is that people won't ask for help that we hear so often of people begging for help and not receiving it due to beauracratic BS.
Good for you for advocating for yourself!
I hope you get a good med game plan soon and find the fog lifting.
((((HUGS)))
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
That's so upsetting to me, the way you were just pushed off from person to person and made to feel ashamed for trying to get help. You did the right thing, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I can't believe that there isn't anywhere you can get an emergency appointment with a real doctor! I mean, obviously emergencies happen...
I hope you keep going trying to get the help you need. I have worked in community mental health while doing my clinical training and I do agree that it is not the level of care or expertise you want in the long-term, but it might help to go in (when you can) and start on some medication, as well as begin therapy just to get this off your chest. I really hope something happens soon.
I am praying that you get the help that you need and feel better soon! Please take care and know that we are all here for you!!!
I got teary just reading your post. how awful!!! the way these insurance companies work (I mean don't work) makes me crazy! I think it's criminal that you couldn't get the help that you needed without going through such a huge hassle. it's like adding insult to injury.
use your mom's help today. I suggest taking a nice nap or a short walk (alone.)
you're on the right track k! we are always here for you!
(((big hug)))
2 infertiles' journey to 2 pink lines (and a baby girl)
"our IF story"
I was just thinking about you yesterday and was going to page you to see how things were going. I HATE that this is happening to you and that you weren't able to get the help you needed when you were clearly reaching out for help.
Please don't give up on seeing a psychiatrist, trying meds and doing some therapy. They have made such an incredible difference in my life. I could cry just thinking about how miserable I was (and I know that you are) before I got help.
Kristin, you need to do this for yourself. Don't do it for Frank or the boys. You need to take this situation under control. You don't like how things are going and you want to make them better...I am praying that you do just that. (((HUGE HUGS)))
It's ridiculous that you had to jump through so many hoops to get seen by a doctor. That's the medical system failing you - not you being a failure. Really.
Hugs to you. Hope things start looking up.
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you are AND that it is so damn hard to get the help that you need. I applaud your persistance in getting the help that you need. It shouldn't be so hard.
I have dealt with depression/ADD for coming up on 15 years now and I am continually amazed by how difficult it is to get quality help and support. What is most frustrating for me is that the system is so difficult and it is for a population that is less apt to be able to advocate for themselves.
I'm glad that your mom is there with you. My mom has come to my rescue on more than one occassion. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself--which you are already doing such a good job of.
If ever you need a shoulder to lean on or to talk with someone who has been there, PM or page me. I'm happy to trade phone numbers. I'm a SAHM, so I'm around to help.
Thank you for sharing your story. IMO, the more people talk about things like this, the less stigma there will be. Please don't be embarrassed for how you feel. My thoughts are with you!
don't be embarrased. you are a great mom for getitng help. you need it and it sounds like you are going to get your med help soon.
glad your mom is there.
we are here for you, sweetie!
BIG BIG Hugs!!!
I'm just glad you know you need help and are getting it. Wish it could be easier for you
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
Because we're fancy like that.
There is ZERO shame in it...you did what you had to do to get the help you needed...
(((Hugs)))
I'm sorry you had to jump through so many hoops but I'm glad you persisted and got the referral you needed.
Lots of Hugs and T&P's coming your way. You are a strong woman and momma for getting the help you need.
kristin i am so sorry you had such a hard time finding the help you needed yesterday. i am glad you persisted though and have been set up with someone, even if it wasn't who you wanted to see.
i'll be thinking of you. please don't be ashamed. you're so strong for doing what you did and sharing with us today.
xoxo
You shouldn't be embarassed. You should be proud you are taking whatever steps necessary to get the help you need.
I hope that the therapy helps and hopefully you can get the medication too.