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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
Will somebody just tell me what to do (long)
I am so confused about what to do with my life.
I am supposed to go back to dental school on January 4. I just got things moving as far as fulfilling requirements to go back and it seems so overwhelming... I know that I CAN do it if I try, but I feel like my priorities have changed and school is not that important to me anymore. I wanted to be a dentist really badly and now that I have Caroline I don't feel like it's important at all.
My husband is wonderful and always tells me that I should do what makes me happy and we would get my student loan debt paid down even if I didn't go back (we have managed our money very carefully so I only have about $50k, which is very VERY good for a third year dental student). DH will be a museum curator so he would easily be able to cover that. But I feel badly that he would be working to pay down "my" debt, even though he says he'd gladly do it for me to be happy.
I do have a B.A. in biology to fall back on if I ever NEEDED to work, or if I wanted to work after Caroline went to school.
I also think about what kind of example I'd be setting for Caroline-- getting pregnant and quitting school. Even though I graduated from college, I'd still be quitting grad school.
I feel like the best option is to just go back and finish and work part-time until I pay back my loans and then reassess... but it just seems so difficult because my heart isn't in it.
I wish someone would make this decision for me because it's too hard. TIA.
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Re: Will somebody just tell me what to do (long)
Honey, you know I am RIGHT there with you, right? That said, you're 2 1/2 years through and you don't have a residency to deal with afterwards. If I were you, I would finish then work PT and then reassess like you mentioned. Maybe your heart will get back into it once you're back in school. I know that's happened to me.
*Super-duper e-hug*
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
my angel babies: 6/10 (chem. pg), 9/10 @ 10 weeks
Honestly, it sounds like your heart really isn't in it and your priorities have shifted. If that was me, I would take this chance to stay home with your beautiful daughter and go back to school/work after she is in school. That's great your husband can help pay down your loans and that you have this opportunity to stay home. I just know how tough school is to begin with, and if your heart isn't there then that'll be just so much more of a challenge.
In conclusion, lol, I would stay home with your sweet girl. And you won't be setting a bad example for her at all, you graduated and that's important. Grad school will always be there, your dd will only be a baby for a short bit:)
Good luck though!
Geek, I do have a residency
it is only a year long though, it's not like a medical one. And it's not nearly as difficult as a medical one-- it has 9-5 hours and such.
phish, that unfortunately wouldn't be possible. I have to jump through a TON of hoops to go back after just a year. I'd have to start all over, and I just can't go through med school again.
Julia, I'm sorry you are going through this. Isn't amazing how much these little babies have changed our lives?
Maybe you can make a list of pros and cons and go that route... I know it sounds silly, but it really does help
Though, it sounds to me like you know what you want to do. It also sounds like you have a VERY supportive network behind you... which is GREAT! And I know it doesn't help much, but you really should just follow your heart! It will all work out one way or another in the end if you are doing what you truly want to do!
I wish I could make the decision for you
but you are the only one that can do what's best for you!
Best of luck to you!
Even so. I would finish. Like you told Phish, if you decide to go back later you'll have to start all over again. See how you feel once you're back in school again.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
That's kind of what I figured. I'm sorry! ::hugs::
my angel babies: 6/10 (chem. pg), 9/10 @ 10 weeks
If you quit now, you probably never will go back.Will you regret this choice 20 years from now? I often wish 32-year-old me could go talk to 18-year-old me. My education would have been much different.
Someday your children will be out of the house and will you really go back to school in your 40s? I doubt it -- not because I doubt you personally, but because I don't know many 40 year old college students.
You LO is tiny now, and DD will not remember your absences. If you decide to go back when she's three, four, five, etc.... you'll miss a lot more.
You wrote, "I feel like the best option is to just go back and finish and work part-time until I pay back my loans and then reassess... but it just seems so difficult because my heart isn't in it." I think you should go back to school. You are still YOU even though you're now a mom. Sure, you'll always be a mom, but YOUR professional/intellectual goals matter, too.
I know it sounds hard, but I would go back to school - see how it is and then decide.
It is really not that long, and you will feel better about it in the long run.
I agree with this. A B.A. in biology isn't really career training to "fall back on" especially not the way a DDS is. It's mainly just a good qualification to do graduate work (apologies for any moms out there who have great teaching jobs with a BA in biology).
If you can pull through and finish your dental school it will be something nobody can ever take away from you. You can always start back to school and then quit again if it really doesn't work, but it sounds like if you don't start back now you'll never be able to finish. I agree that it would be a very positive message for your daughter for you to finish school.
What really did it for me was a month or so ago a FB friend of mine that I was friends with in high school (we lost touch) announced that she was interviewing at medical schools and has now been accepted to two places (she's going to the University of New England). I had more or less decided on going the nurse to midwifery route a few months before but had started to have my doubts about it (and the fact that the science class I'm currently taking being the majority of the classroom science I'd have for a very long time... that wasn't enough for me) and when I read that I just felt such strong pangs of jealousy I was felt sick. That's when I realized that's what I really wanted to do, if it makes me feel that way.
I know it's only hypothetical, but how do you think you'll feel when you hear about your classmates graduating and starting to practice? Sad? Jealous? Thankful you're not among them?
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
Okay, this is what I needed to hear... because I know I really *should* go back, it's just hard. Keep it coming!
Interesting question, Geek... I feel sad and jealous but not because they are dentists-- more because they didn't have their lives shift as much as I did, and so their priorities are still the same and their motivation is still strong.
Make that my 17 year old self and A-FREAKIN-MEN!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. Sometimes I think about what I will miss when I'm in residency and how I hope to God I can find a very family-friendly program where a lot of the residents have kids and will help each other with scheduling, but I'd still rather be done when they're younger. I've heard those programs exist!
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage
This changes my answer completely. Originally I was going to tell you to take more time off and then go back, but if that is not possible it is a totally different senario.
In the end you have to do what is right for you. I'm not sure that I can tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do. I would go back, finish up, and reassess the situation. I think it is normal to panic a little before going back to work/school/etc after maternity leave of any length. I know that I tried to work the numbers any which way possible, so I could stay home with DD, but once I got back to work I remembered how much I love working.
I think finishing is also important because of the example to your LO. Sounds silly now, but it may come back to haunt you when she is 17 or 18 years old. Plus, I can tell you that I love that I have my education. I went to law school, graduated, and currently practice. If I had decided to stay home after DD was born, I loved the fact that I could take some time off and re-enter the work force at a later time with my education still intact. I have the credentials to work in the field I want to work in and no one can take it from me, ever. Of course, I'm sure if I decided to take some time off and go back later firms would consider the years I spent out of the workplace, but it is not like I would have to start over from scratch.
This is a really tough decision and I don't envy you, but you will make the right choice. Good luck.
Let's take all the emotions out of this. I want to tell you to do what makes you happy, but I know that's not the best advice in the long run.
You should finish dental school because you have already done all the legwork and all you have to do is concentrate on classes now. You will be so grateful you did at sometime in the future. I am positive about that. My mother finished school when I was three, and she still talks about how happy she is with her career. It is absolutely fulfilling to her, even more so now that her children are grown and gone.
i agree with this. but this is just part of my personality as well. i've always wanted to be a sahm. gl, you're so sweet to be so concerned about your dh paying down your debt. ::hugs::
Thanks so much, all of you.
I just wish I could find the motivation. Dental school is SO HARD. It's not something you can do half-assed or if your heart isn't in it. I just need to get that drive back but I don't know how, because I just don't want to go... even though I should, and I know that I most likely will
I don't know you well enough to offer an opinion on what you should do, but I can share my own experience in case that helps at all. I knew that I would have to quit my job after DD was born (location, hours, etc. were not suitable for family life), but I was really struggling with what to do instead.
Especially after DD was born, a part of me really wanted to stay home with her all the time and immerse myself in being a full time mother. She is amazing, and I really felt like I could do wonderful things for her growth adn development my dedicating myself to that full time. Another part of myself knew that I would not be happy staying home for the rest of my life and was worried about finding a fulfilling job after taking a lot of time off and about being unsatisfied staying home full time because I enjoy the interaction I have at work with other adults.
In the end I decided to go back to grad school, always reserving the option to drop out at anytime if it wasn't working for me or my family. It is a struggle, and I have to manage my time to carefully to find enough time for my studies, DD, and DH. It doesn't always work, and I know I am shortchanging myself in terms of sleep, exercise, and alone time. Overall, though, I think it was the right decision. I enjoy my classes and classmates, I am always overjoyed to be with DD whenever I get the chance and give her my full attention (even though I was happy with DD while SAH, this is a totally different feeling). For me, it has been a good balance between my new role as a mother and my old identity as a child-free professional woman. I don't know what dental school is like, but I am finding grad school to be a really good fit with being a mom.
There are some important differences b/w our situations, though. First, I don't have to pay for school, so there aren't any financial ramifications other than that we could be saving more if I had a real job. Second, DH is also a student, and between us we are able to split childcare responsibilities so that DD is only in daycare part-time. I don't think I could do it if she was in daycare full-time (Disclaimer: This is not a criticism of anyone who sends their child to daycare fulltime. It is just my personal feeling about my situation, given that I have a choice).
I think you might just find it when you get back there. Maybe not the first day or the second, but eventually. Priorities do shift and change, but if dental school was something you were really passionate about before then it will come back. It might take a little while, but you motivation will come back.
I know your priorities have changed, but what do you see yourself doing in 5 years once LO starts school? Do you truly want to be a SAHM even at that point? If so, then I agree you shouldn't finish the program.
However, if you could see yourself being a dentist or PT work with your dental degree at that time, then I think it is absolutely worth it to finish the program now.
GL. Don't look at it as "getting pregnant and quitting grad school" though, regardless of your decision. You are doing what's best for you personally and professionally either way, based on the information you have at the moment and your priorities.
I think you should go back. DD will be so proud to say that her Mommy is a dentist. Dr. Mommy! And when DD is older, she will see the value you put on having a career and an education.
Go back and see if you still have what it takes. And I agree that the motivation will probably come back once you are in the swing of things. Tough decision... Good luck!
I agree with this completely! Good luck!