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3rd Trimester
DH still won't talk to me :(
My DH and I got into ?a huge argument last night because he has not gotten a second job but I work 40 hrs at my day job and 20 at my night job a week, and it's exhausting. I am taking off at least 8 weeks and we have no savings so he NEEDED to get another job temporarily so we wouldn't struggle so much after Ella arrives. I really just wanted to know why he hasn't since he "seems" so concerned about money. Well, he got mad after about an hour long argument and me not backing down from my point of view. Long story short, this morning, I got no goodbye kiss, no calls or emails all day, and when I came home from the store he didn't even come help bring the groceries in. I thought he just needed some space, but now I'm getting irritated. Why can't he just talk to me, instead of ignoring me everytime I say anything to him. It hurts my feelings! He didn't even ask how my OB appointment went today. Thanks for letting me vent. Thought, suggestions? I'm getting really depressed here.?
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Re: DH still won't talk to me :(
First, he's being extremely petty. Who argues with their extremely pregnant wife and then goes a full day without speaking to them?
Second, he's being ridiculous. There is no way in hell my husband would allow me to be this pregnant and work 60 hours a week. He should have had this second job months ago.
Third, suck it up and approach him first. Let him know that this is not a personal attack but the 2 of you had counted on his income from the second job.
i am also having a bit of a tiff with my husband about money/working....heres my suggestion:
talk to him. i know he should stop being a 5 year old and just talk to you, but men suck. you be the bigger person and talk to him about it. tell him how you really feel about it, that youre tired, pregnant, and just want to be set when the baby gets here! try your best to get your message across in the nicest way possible.
after doing that, i dont know anything else. i hope that it works for you, that talking things out will fix everything, and that he gets the second job so there is no worry when baby is here
good luck!?
Ugh, I am sorry you are going through this. While I definitely think there is no excuse for him ignoring you, etc. my guess is that he is embarrassed that he hasn't found a second job. Do you think that is possible? I am certainly not defending him, but maybe his pride is hurt b/c his poor pregnant wife is working her tail off while can't get another job.
I know with my DH after a fight he can become a big baby too and not want to talk to me. However, going a full day without talking at all is ridiculous. I agree with pp in that you should probably just approach him b/c if it were me it would just get me fuming that he hasn't initiated a conversation. Good luck and keep us posted!
Btw...lately I have been finding that a good cry makes them feel awful and can sometimes help you get your way!
The sucky thing is, I have tried to talk to him about it, but he won't budge. And, he could have gotten a job a long time ago. There are a ton of retail places around here. I thought maybe if he just worked through Christmas that would be a huge help but he just keeps making excuse after excuse and I am totally sick of it! He is really irking me!
Ditto this, although you've said you tried talking to him. He's being a jerk.
Sounds like a pride thing to me. He needs to suck it up and just do the retail thing - even if he thinks it is below him.
remind him that if this causes you guys to struggle and have to get on food stamps or WIC or other means of assistance, then that would be the option you could move to, rather than him getting a 2nd means of income. Hopefully this will kick start his ego a bit and get his booty in gear.
He sounds incredibly selfish. Sorry. While there's nothing wrong with you being the primary breadwinner, I can't believe that you're working a second job while pg and he's not. I agree with pp, my DH would never want me doing that. Does your H need you to explain to him the about stress not being good for his child that you're carrying?
Bottom line- he needs to step up. He shouldn't be pouting- you should! I think you're being beyond reasonable, and possibly too nice. I'd put my foot down- whatever that means for you.
Send him here, I'll straighten him out.
Seriously though, he wouldn't even help you carry in groceries? Is this typically how he deals with conflict, or is this something new? It sounds like you two need to sit down and have a talk not only about the job issue, but about how he's treated you today. That's not how a real man behaves, and I'm sure deep down he knows that.
This, all of it.
Is he also 22?
Ugh. So sorry.
I'm hoping he mans up and does what he needs to do including talking to you and earning extra money!
lol I always check the OP's age when someone posts something like this, and I thought the same thing.
Why do people always say something when someone is young? I don't think this is a matter of age. I think it's a matter of her husband having too much pride to work in retail or just laziness.
Only a young person would respond this way. lol Obviously there are responsible young people, but it's also much more common for people to not be mature/responsible or financially secure when they're very young. That's just the reality of life.
You can pretend all day that "age doesn't matter", but in many cases it does. Some young parents are mature and step up to the plate and others are not. It's a valid thing to bring up.
I guess. I would hope by the time someone is 22 that they'd be responsible though. I'm 22 and DH is 25 and we've had it together for years. In fact, we are much more emotionally and financially stable than many of our older family members. Maybe we are a minority.
Either way, her husband isn't acting in a way a man about to be a father should act.
In any case, I totally agree that someone about to become a father needs to man up regardless of age.
FWIW...DH pulls the not talking thing when he knows I'm right! Go talk to him calmly and see if you get anywhere. His behavior is pretty inexcusable, but I've also learned if I approach a topic with DH in an angry manner, he's automatically going to fight me before he even hears me (pride thing...he feels attacked I think - not to mention when I'm mad I tend to talk to him like he's a student and that REALLLY pisseshim off). GL!