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Breastfeeding
RP: Fear of Failing @ BF again (Very Long)
Sorry this is really long. If you get through it thanks for reading...
I
planned on BF DD the entire time I was pregnant. The BF started out
great. DD latch was wonderful. She was one of those babies born
knowing exactly what to do (I guess they say some baby struggle getting
the latch). I never really got sore nipples either. The whole
experience was great until DD was about 2 weeks old. I was taking her
to the doctor weekly because she wasn't gaining weight and was fussy at
the breast sometimes. I feared I had low supply so I started taking
Fenugreek and Reglan and also increased my water intake. I also
started pumping to try and increase supply but I never really was able
to pump more than drops.
The doctor wasn't too concerned
about the lack of weight gain and thought maybe she had colic. At
three weeks she was still almost a 1 lb under birth weight. Feedings
had became very stressful because she just cried at the breast. I made
the choice to start supplementing formula because I felt like DD was
not getting enough food.
I was absolutely devasted when I had to start DD on formula because I felt I had failed her in some way. I felt like I had been starving her and that I was not a good mom because I couldn't provide nutrition for her. I believe this whole even sparked a little post-partum depression. I would constantly cry when I thought about it. My family all told me it was no big deal but it was a huge deal to me. Everytime I turned around people were asking me if I was BF my DD and when I said no they looked at me like I was doing something wrong and then asked why I wasn't which would caused the depression to worsen.
I know in my heart I tried so hard. Even after starting with the formula I still tried to continue BF but DD started to completely refuse the breast. I tried to pump but would only get an 2-3 ounces/day if I was lucky. I was emotionally and physically exhausted that I just quit pumping at about 5 weeks or so.
The whole purpose of writing this is because I needed to release some of my feelings and also want some advice/support about trying to BF baby #2. My DH and my family don't really want me to BF this baby because of how it effected me last time. They don't want to see me struggle and then fall back into the same depression if I am unable to again. But I really feel this baby deserves a chance and plus I want that bond with my baby.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be great.
Also I don't think feeding formula is bad I just really wanted to be successful at breast feeding. My baby girl has grown wonderful and has been very healthy even though she was formula fed.This discussion has been closed.
Re: RP: Fear of Failing @ BF again (Very Long)
I could have written this post. I have SO been there (though I'm not on #2 yet!) It's very hard to accept that your body just doesn't do what it's "supposed" to do, no matter how hard you tried. I know what you mean about the issue sparking post partum depression - same thing happened to me, too.
The best thing I know to tell you is something the last LC I spoke to told me - everything you did to try to EBF your DD, while it may not have worked this time, laid excellent ground work for your next baby. It is very likely that #2 will be much smoother sailing! I have no experience to back that up yet, but I really believed the LC when she said that and it made me feel better. So, everything you did was not for nothing!
Something I've had to keep telling myself is that my baby IS breastfed. Sure, 98% of her diet is formula, but she's still getting the breast and breastmilk. She IS BF, regardless of how that happens or for how long it happens. YOUR baby was breastfed. She got all the antibodies and good stuff she needed to get for a good amount of time, and that counts for a lot!! She got all the benefits of a BF baby. So if anyone asks if you BF your DD, feel confident to answer "Yes!" You were successful at BF for as long as you were successful at it. That's all that matters.
A La Leche League leader suggested I pick up a book called Defining Your Own Success. It's specific to BF after breast reduction, but she said it has some good things to think about when you're dealing with a less than ideal BF situation. Hang in there, and just give it your all with #2 as you did for #1, and remember that any breastmilk you give is giving ALL the benefits, even if you don't EBF.
Don't beat yourself up (I know, easier said than done). It sounds like you did everything you could. Just go into #2 with an open mind...it could go very smoothly, or maybe you'll have supply issues. It's hard to say until you get there, but no matter what you do you ARE a good mom. Any amount of bm will be a huge help to #2, be it only for 1 day or 1 year.
Have you ever been checked/looked at for insufficient glandular tissue?
No I haven't been checked out for that. I struggled with infertility with DD and had to take Clomid to get pregnant so the LC told me I may have a small hormonal imbalance that caused low milk supply.
first off, i agree with all the pp and think you did an amazing job!! like everyone said, YOU DID BF you dd. while not as long as you would have liked you gave her a great start and you should be so proud.
second, even if it works out like with dd, you shouldn't let yourself get down (easier said than done). you go into bfing knowing so much more than with dc#1 and hopefully that will help. i have heard countless women say that low supply with one child doesn't = low supply with another. sometimes i guess it just takes you body a second time to 'get it'.
i would hook up with a LC that you like asap!! see if there is anything you could take now while pg or any labwork/testing you could do to see if there was a physical reason behind your low supply. also, you can have her on 'standby' after dc is born without having to go into a long sorted history.
while i think your family has great intentions, i disagree with them, i think you should try bfing again. not b/c there is anything wrong with ff, but b/c you really seem to have some unresolved issues with it and i would love for you to have a different ending to this story (even if it ends with ff-more clarity, kwim).