Why does everyone tell you what you should do?

rareskirt · December 2009

So a few people keep trying to tell me what to do and I'm getting really tired of it.

I go to school, I'm 20 so I'm going to be in school for a while....sadly.So currently I get to stay on my fathers insurance ( as long as I maintain 12 credit hours) I'm engaged but not married. We don't plan to marry now because of the baby ( people seem shocked by this, and make note of it). We don't plan to marry after the baby(again people shocked by this), the engagment was more of a comitment before we moved into together, sort of a promise of a future together. We are not religious so another reason we don't feel the need. And so long as we aren't married I go to school for free, so why put ourselves in debt.

I guess I don't need to explain myself, but people can't understand why we don't marry. And keep saying I will need to take off school, some people saying at least a year to take care of the baby. For one I will be having the baby in june while on summer break, two I can take night or online classes, and three I have a fiance that can help out.

I have just decided to tell people we have been living together for over 2 years now happily unmarried so why ruin it?:)( no offense to those of you married)

idk im just very tired of the questions...just because you are married and just because you already have children doesnt mean I must do everything you did I guess is my point.....sorry long vent

willowcormar · December 2009

I am married, but I don't think that getting married should be because of being pregnant. I think in some cases it makes things worse. I was engaged for 6 years! Getting married ended up being because of the benifits (and I love him) but taxes and insurance and stuff is better when married. For you the negs out way the positives. I say do what u need to do. Ignore the ignorant people.

MrsMoody2006 · December 2009

Everyone tells you what you should do because they are smarter than you (or so they think) I was also 20 and in college when I became pregnant with my first(granted I was already married). I think it's the stupidest thing in the world to get married because you are pregnant...I think it's one of the reasons divorce rates are so high.

As far as taking off school goes, I didn't think I needed to take off school. DD was born finals week of the fall semester so I had a little over a month before the spring semester began...however, school and my daughter proved to be too much to handle. So I dropped my classes halfway through the semester...which ended up costing me $3,000 because I didn't get any type of refund and had of course already paid for my classes.

LovePink2850 · December 2009

Although I do not agree with some decisions you have made, I'm not going to sit here and try and tell you what to do. Some people are just more outspoken than others and feel the need to try and get you to do what they think is right. It's not anyones business but your own and it's not their life, it's yours. Do what makes you happy and live your own life. Now if you were my family or someone I cared deeply about, I wouldn't be telling you what to do, I would def be trying to help you if you needed it and would be there for you.

IrishBrideND · December 2009

I do not think you have to get married.

But, I understand why people make comments. you are very young and they probably still see you as a kid who needs advice.

Pumpkin&Roo · December 2009

I think taking off school is silly. The benefits of getting school for free and staying on your dad's insurance definitely outweigh the benefits of being married 'just because.' If people don't know about these reasons, it's possible they feel like there is still a stigma associated with being an 'unwed mother' and think that since you're getting married anyway, why not do it before the baby and save yourself any embarrasment this may cause (note, I do not support this logic, I am just speculating on why people might be suggesting you move up the wedding). I guess I would probably immediately tell anyone who suggested moving up the wedding that you can't because there are some benefits you would give up if you got married right now and leave it at that. Unless, of course, you don't care what they think in which case I would just tell them to F- off

Good luck and try not to let it bother you too much.

opheliacantswim · December 2009

Do what you guys need to do--and let everybody else go to hell. (I mean, you probably shouldn't tell people this, particularly if the well-meaning advice is coming from family, but you can think it!)

As far as school goes, I am having our first LO (a very pleasant surprise) on July 4, and beginning a PhD program at the end of August. Will it be easy? No, I'm sure it won't. Has everyone from family to friends to nosy strangers told me there's "no way" I can go to school and raise this baby? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, DH and I made our decision together, and it really doesn't affect anyone else.

Just be polite and stick to your guns! Good luck!

cheex090 · December 2009

They're just ignorant! I don't understand why some people concern themselves so much with others' lives.

HBaylies · December 2009

I like that you're telling people you're "happily unmarried." Cute!

Ignore those who think they know what's best for you. They don't. The only way someone will ever know what's best for themselves is to live life, make decisions for yourself, see what works for you, and find out what doesn't.

You do what seems right for you.

And good job staying in school through it all!

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