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Multiples
Terrified (no flames please)
Our twins were a huge surprise...I had never even thought of the possibility. Once they were confirmed- I realized that my mom is adopted so they could certainly be genetic or who knows.
Anyhow- I never had a breakdown or freak out and I have set goals for myself for every 5 weeks. I've been eating healthy and cut back at work. I am doing everything I can think of to keep these babies perfectly happy and healthy.
My marriage is a very loving and supportive one. However we are not very financially stable- I have a very hard time sticking to a budget. We own our home and drive decent cars but don't have anything in the way of savings and once the babies come I really don't know how we'll afford them and what my job situation will be. I also worry about how we will adjust- there is not a thing I would change about our relationship, we both wanted kids we were planning to choose adoption when we were "ready" for kids (had savings) and then were shocked to learn we were pregnant... we're both ecstatic about them I'm just freaking out all of a sudden about the reality of it all.
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Re: Terrified (no flames please)
It's normal to be scared. I think we all were at different points in our pregnancy. Twins, or multiples in general, is overwhelming. You said you have a hard time sticking to a budget - well, no flames but now you will have two people dependent on you. You have no choice but to stick to your budget. Is there anything you can do to make your job situation more stable? I don't know what you do, but work from home some? That's what I did for most of my pregnancy.
Now when you are pregnant I think is the hardest time. Because you have so much time to think and plan and worry and stress. Once they are here, you figure things out as you go along.
No flames here, twins can bring out fears for all kinds of reasons. About finances, I basically haven't spent much on myself in months. It's all about the babies. Our entertainment/dining out has stopped as well as my weekly shopping trips for myself. Now everything I do is for the babies. I've actually saved money having these kids! What we spend on diapers and formula etc comes out less than all the shopping and entertaiment we did for ourselves.
Take it one day at a time. You can do this, you will do it! It's amazing how you will step up to the plate when little ones are dependant of all their needs on you.
As far as the budget- there isn't a lot of leeway in it- that's the hard part. I just feel like a bad parent when I can't pick up something that's a great deal for the babies... I know I'll be able to do what I have to when they are here- I am just concerned with how we will budget for them when it's hard enough to get the monthly basics right now.
My job is a whole post of it's own. I work for a woman owned flower shop and am a designer and buyer there. I've been there 2 1/2 years and am a salary employee. Since I became pregnant she has taken away my holiday pay and started docking my hours (salary style). I had a dr.s note stating that I couldn't work more than 8 hours and had to be given a comfortable chair to sit on (we didn't have any chairs in the shop!)
After 2 weeks she bought me the chair and switched me from 9 hour days to 8 and then added on more hours in other places and gave me at home tasks... so now I'm working more!?!? She also cut my pay for Thanksgiving- although she paid all of the holidays before I was pregnant. After Christmas she has said that she plans to put me on hourly and cut my hours because "this is not a sit down job"
I contacted workforce development today to see what my options are. Once I have the babies I want nothing more than to be a SAHM or to work from home- I just still need to bring in income...
It's perfectly normal to freak out at least once... be prepared for many more worrisome thoughts to come : )
Once you have children, you do whatever you can to provide for them. You will probably be surprised how many ways you actually end up saving money like dinners, movies, trips, and other little things that you'll learn you can do without. Things have a way of working out, just trust in that and do what you can making smart choices.
Since these are your first babies, I imagine you'll have a shower thrown for you. You'll most likely receive much more than you anticipate (people like to buy and buy for babies!), so you may end up with few big purchases to worry about. With those and a lot of clothes covered, the first year actually isn't that expensive. You have some time to figure things out so try to just relax and enjoy your pregnancy!
we have a tiny house that costs a ton, have lots of debt we have been working on paying down... have a 2.5 y/o- and then got pg with the twins and had simlar freak out moments like you are having.
it might be good for you to meet with a financial advisor and talk about your options - to make sure you can save some money - and also make sure you have life insurance (disability insurance is good to have, too)... things that will make you feel more secure -- and help with budgets and things you can do to have more money each month.
it's hard and trust me- i'm not great about NOT spending money... i still wonder each month how we'll pay the mortgage and daycare and bills- and somehow so far we've done it... i don't even know how, lol.
I feel the same way. We obviously knew twins were a risk when we did IVF, but I don't think we thought it would actually happen.
Anyway, I also have financial concerns. We went to buy cribs over the weekend and my husband was fine with it, and as we were leaving I said, "I guess we'll have to move money from savings over to cover the bill" and he said, "There isn't enough." I was like, "what??? how could we just buy those cribs if we don't have the money?" We have some financial issues we seriously need to iron out before the babies get here.
But, what no one else has addressed, and what worries me more than the finances-- the relationship part. I also love our relationship the way it is, we have a great time together and just enjoy each others' company. Our lives are relaxed and we never argue, our home is very peaceful and loving. I am frightened about how the babies will intrude on our relationship. So I hear you there.
This is not to say that I don't wake up every morning thankful for my pregnancy and excited to meet our sons some day. There were points where I thought I would never get pregnant and I feel lucky that I was able to and that it has proceeded uneventfully. But yeah, things are going to change, and it's going to be hard. I am glad we have each other on the board for support.
This is exactly what has happened to us. We were freaked out about finances as well, but have found that since we can't/don't go out like we used to, we are probably actually saving money. I also chose to cloth diaper - so I bought diapers (which seemed like a chunk of money up front) but will save money in the long run. I also am sure to make time to clip coupons on Sunday mornings from the paper and had my mom and MIL sign up on Enfamil to get checks for formula (unless you BF).
Something that is hard for me is that we're not really doing gifts for ourselves this holiday season...just stocking stuffers. It's not about the gifts, but I mainly feel guilty that I'm not giving DH anything. But, we had to get a new water softener and will need a new fridge soon...so those are our presents!
You can do it. Freaking out is normal (I know I did it on more than one occasion)! Hang in there.
Sorry to be quoting like crazy...but DH and I had a great relationship pre-babies...and it's still great. I've struggled with the fact that we have been arguing a bit more and things can kind of get tense when like both babies are having a bad day...but so much of that is just being tired and the fact that we're learning so much and trying to figure stuff out. Always, after we get the babes settled down and can recollect, things are back to normal and it's only gotten better.
So it's still good, but I won't lie...it's different!
Thank you all so much. You have no idea what all your kind words mean to me. I had enrolled in an entrepreneurial program to open up my own art studio offering classes for kids and adults (I already do this out of my home- but I only charge for materials and don't make anything) and then found out about the babies. I continued the program and will complete it on Thursday. I can't really see doing the art studio for awhile now but am thinking of doing some in home design/staging for people selling their homes.
It's hard to b/c my husband and I live 3 hours away from family and although we have a great network here there is nothing like family.
I'm so happy to hear about the relationships. I spoke with my husband about it last night and he said we'll depend on each other more than ever so of course our relationship will get stronger... he was very comforting and all this while watching the Packer gamer (so I guess I should take that as a good sign! ) A stupid Christmas song about baby changing everything got this whole thing going- because as I weeped in the car I just kept thinking I don't want anything to change...hormones....
Thank you all again...oooo and I am joining the local MOM group starting in January.
I'm glad everyone says it's normal to feel this way. I'm really freaked out and wed been trying for a year, and I took clomid. I never thought I would be pg with twins, ever. I can only imagine how surprise spontaneous twins feel!
A baby really does change everything. I'll be honest, my son was high maintenance, and didn't STTN until 18 months. It definitely put a strain on our marriage, but, it also made us stronger. (Well right now I'm mad at my DH, but that has a lot to do with hormones I'm sure. LOL!)