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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
What am I going to do with my MIL? Very long
My MIL wants to help with LO, bless her but I don't think she can handle it.
a few reasons why:
# 1. She's showing early signs of dementia.
Rest of the family is in denial but SIL and me. Here are just a few of the signs:
She walked into the shower door (which was completely out of the way to be walked into) and ended up with 18 stitches on her head. She has no idea why and how she walked into the door. Also didn't remember anything about the event the next day.
She rear ended someone while driving and has no idea why and how it happened. She said she must have dozed off.
She will often call and have an hour conversation with you about a particular event or topic and call you again the next day to have the same conversation. She'll have no recollection of talking to you the day before.
She will often forget a whole part of the day-for example she'll come over for dinner and forget most of it the next day.
she's admitted to me that she's gets "goofy" -to use her own words.
#2. She hasn't taken care of a baby in 40+ years and even though I have showed her and told her a few things she still thinks:
-That LO can sleep on her tummy
-Put a blanket over sleeping LO (she actually tried this one day)
She doesn't know how to hold LO although we have told her to support her head and neck. She held LO last week and the poor thing had her head bopping all over. Even FIL was like-"BE CAREFUL with her head" and then kept telling her to leave LO alone. This is not typical behavior for FIL so he must see/know something.
She told me today not to feed LO (LO woke up and was hungry and started rooting) because she had eaten an hour ago and to use her exact words-"we don't want her to get fat"
She's mention a few times that you don't need to feed so often, that 6 hours or more is fine. Well, I'm breast feeding a newborn, she'll eat when she wakes up and is hungry. I've told her this too but she still comes back and says we should feed every 6+ hours. LO is not even a month old.
She also thinks we should just leave LO on the basinet if she's crying or awake- That's a personal preference I understand, but it's not ours.
OK, these are just a few reasons. There are more but this post is super long already.
So what do I do with her when she's always offering to watch LO for me? And when she comes over and wants to hold LO, having to stay right next to her and watch her is weird.
I thought maybe when LO is older like 3 months or so she could babysit but what if she's having one those "goofy" days?
What am I going to do about this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: What am I going to do with my MIL? Very long
The babysitting aside, she needs to be evaluated for the dementia. She could hurt herself or others (especially if she's still driving!). It sounds like she already has. Is there anything you can do about that?
As far as letting her babysit, I absolutely would not let her. I would maybe just try to change the subject when she offers, or say "Oh, that's great, why don't we do xyz together". I know it feels weird to sit right there and watch her, but if you're really worried about LO's safety, its better to feel awkward than have something happen. Both of you would feel awful.
Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
DH has observed her and at least agrees that she can't even hold the baby and can't even imagine her changing a diaper with the way LO kicks. But as far as the rest, he's in denial. He doesn't say anything which for DH it means he doesn't disagree but doesn't want to talk about it.
My aunt is the one for us that keeps offering to watch the kids but I don't want to leave her alone with them. It is for different reasons than yourself but still an issue.
Whenever she brings up watching them I just say "yeah, when we finally decide on a day/time we will let you know." And the two times that she could have watched DS(before DD was here) but someone else did we just made up a white lie as to why she couldn't/didn't watch him.
I would rather lie than have to hurt her feelings and tell her the truth as to why I won't leave my young children with her.
I have a relative I don't want babysitting too... SIL does drugs so I am not cool with her unsupervised around my baby!
When she offers to babysit, I always tell her we'll let her know. I also have invited her over to see the baby when I'm around. When he gets older, I will plan outings together with her. That way she can be involved with the baby but always with my or DH's supervision.
well you obviously dont' let he babysit ever. baby safety comes before protecting feelings. ask your SIL to back you up if you need any.
then you just say "thanks, but i don't need a sitter today, i'll keep you in mind some other time" but just never ask.
and when you sit next to her, you just say "it's so nice to just sit and relax without a baby in my arms sometimes."
she can babysit when the kid is like OLDEr, not a baby. a kid who can take care of herself
I have had similar issues with my grandmother...but before LO was born. When she has no recollection of an event (like a meal at your house or telling you a story a second time) what is your reaction?
With my grandmother, I confronted the apparent memory loss. She started to repeat a story, and I told her I had already heard that story several hours before. She said that she had not told me. I then proceeded to finish the story for her. She got very freaked out. I said I was worried for her, and wanted to make an appointment with a neurologist. She agreed and is on meds now, and is much better. But since it is MIL, I would probably get DH on board first...if he is in denial, then you will never win this battle. If that is the case, like PP said, lie and make excuses and don't allow her to be alone with LO, no matter what!
no, she's not on anything. she's in her early 70's and she looks very good physically. it's hard to accept that we're getting old. she's also not as physically strong anymore.
yeah, I do tell her she's told me the story before or that we talked the day before and she just says that she doesn't remember and sometimes she'll say-" oh I'm getting goofy"
how do i get dh on board? i brought this up to him a long time ago b/c i'm concerned she's will eventually leave the stove on or get into a car wreck.