Going "natural," or D&C?

mama-mia · December 2009

I'm not sure at what point I should opt for the D&C. I'd rather not go through the physical or emotional trauma, but how long did you guys wait for things to happen "naturally" before considering that?

Bun has been gone for about a week and a half, and my OB said she would be okay with me waiting up to two weeks, but not any longer. Question is, what will be best for the healing/grieving process?

As gross and weird as it is, part of me doesn't want them taking it out, either. (tmi) I know I need to realize that it's not my true bun, but I'm still feeling irrationally protective and clingy. My sister said that will only inhibit my body's ability to let it go.

What did you all do?

pepomntpat · December 2009

This is really a personal decision on your part and I don't think you should let anyone sway your decision.

That said, I chose to have a D&E because the thought of waiting was too hard for me. I do not at all regret that decision. It gave me closure a bit sooner and allowed me to really start grieving, the physical aspect was very easy.

{{hugs}} I know how hard this is.

Meghan1017 · December 2009

I opted for a D&C. My baby passed at 8w5d, and we had about a week in between finding out that she would probably pass, and finding out that she actually did. During that week I had no signs of my body being ready to let go - no pain, no cramping, no spotting. Once we found out our baby was definately gone, we chose the D&C because we wanted the whole thing over with. We didn't know how much longer my body would hold on, the waiting was driving us crazy, and I really wanted to take any control over the situation. I had been terrified that I would start to m/c at work, or at the grocery store, or out Christmas shopping. At least this way, things got to happen on our terms. I agree with the PP, the physical aspect has been very easy. Yesterday was the worst day, pain and bleeding wise, and even then I'd compare it to day 1 of a period.

Good luck either way, we'll be thinking of you.

triple_sevens · December 2009

I had a d&c 1 week after they found the missed m/c. It was hard, though the physical recovery began more quickly than I'd thought it would. But I felt like I could finally begin the process of grieving and healing after it was over. Walking around for a week knowing my dead baby was inside me, checking to see if I'd started miscarrying every five minutes--that was awful and I didn't even realize how stressful it was until after the d&c, when I suddenly felt relieved.

Sonadora · December 2009

I had 17 days between when we first got bad news and then finally the heartbeat stopped. My body showed not a single sign of giving up the pg. After that long, I just needed it to be over. It clearly was going to take forever to go naturally and at nearly 11 weeks there was quite a bit of material in there. So I chose D&C. I needed to be done with the physical part.

Clerk9 · December 2009

Obviously, it's going to be a very personal decision, but I have quite recent experience with this exact scenario.

Found missed m/c at 9w6d (baby measured 7w4d, no heartbeat) on Thanksgiving. Had a D&E scheduled for yesterday (Friday, 1w1d after finding out). Started bleeding this past Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Wednesday & Thursday was like a regular period, so I didn't know if I'd go through with the D&E on Friday/yesterday, but kept my appointment.

Thursday night/Friday morning at about 1am, cramping became worse. Not horrifying, but bad enough that I couldn't sleep. Once I was at the hospital for the D&E, the bleeding & cramping really worsened.

I was SOOOO happy to go through with the procedure (quick, painless) because immediately afterwards I felt 1000% better & the bleeding has reduced to a very light period-strength. Plus, the doctor said I still had a lot of tissue left, & who knows how long & drawn out it would've been to get it over with. I feel like DH & I can start to move on now.

So, that was my experience, & I'd do it again, but I have the "luxury" of having "tried" both ways. You need to do whatever feels right for you & your family.

Please keep us posted on how it goes for you, & my thoughts & best wishes are with you during this difficult time.

northshore25 · December 2009

I found out that my baby didnt have a heartbeat on 11-30 and had a d&c on 12-1 at 6 a.m. I didn't really have much of a choice. It all happened so fast and I am actually kind of thankful it did. I was such a trainwreck that my dr. could have said, "now go jump of a bridge" and i would have done it. I can honestly say that I would have kept the baby in my tummy forever too...even though I know it wasn't a baby at this point. I just didn't want to let go to something I loved so much.

jhansen3 · December 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I am going through the same situation and I cannot advise what you should do, but I will tell you what my husband and I decided to do. My missed miscarriage was confirmed Thursday 12/3 (I should be 10 weeks) and we decided to wait until Monday am to see if I would pass it naturally. If I do not, then I will call for the first available apt. I am showing no signs currently of letting this go this weekend so am pretty sure will have a d&c soon. This was a very hard decision to make for us and waiting is terrible. I am sure you will make the right decision. (Hugs)

Court1 · December 2009

I was so far along that we did it the same day. Physically it was a piece of cake. To me, it was the physical closure I needed to start emotionally healing. I couldn't have gone through 2 weeks of waiting to start bleeding. I would have lost my mind.

iggy.d · December 2009

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry any of us had to go through this! This is truly a personal decision. For me, I wanted to wait and m/c naturally. For me, I thought going through the process would somehow "help" with closure. The baby's heart had stopped over a week earlier, and since I had upcoming surgery scheduled for another reason the following week, we scheduled the d & c at that time too, just in case it didn't pass naturally.

I started bleeding the day after scheduling the d & c. It started at work...heavy bleeding, like my worst period. Over the course of the next week I bleed throughout. had some mild to heavy cramping, rather large clots. I actually thought that was about what to expect. The night before surgery I truly started to m/c and it was THE worst experience of my life. I'm a pretty tough cookie with an alright tolerance for pain, but this was just BAD. (I wrote a bit more about it in my post a few below this one.) Baby only measured about 8 days, but the cramps were the most painful thing I've ever experienced. After 6 or so hours of that, the cramps and bleeding tapered a bit and I slept, glad it was over. The next day at the hospital I learned that the baby and sac never passed, so the d & c was necessary after all. I couldn't believe I went through all that the night before, and that wasn't even ALL. I guess it's common that not all tissue passes, and the d & c is needed anyway. Had I known how painful it would be I'd of opted for the d & c off the bat.

Sorry this was so long! If you want to ask any questions I'd be happy to answer anything. Just send me a PM. Hope this helps and hugs to you.

CCross22 · December 2009

I didn't have a choice, but I wish I had. I started bleeding on 10.27 and was only given the advice to go to the ER if the bleeding got bad and to come on for more bloodwork on 10.30. I experienced severe cramping and awful pain. The emotional part was hard enough, but the pain of it only compounded it. The only way I could get relief was to lay down in the shower and let the water pound on my abdomen. I apologize for being too graphic, but I wish I had been given the choice or more information about what was going to happen. I ended up going though the process for 2 days before losing the baby on 10.29.

I will be thinking about you in the days to come.

klk2klb · December 2009

I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you about my decision. I chose to have a D&C right away. I wanted to give my body the chance to heal as quickly as possible. The sooner my uterus was clear, the sooner it could heal, the sooner DH and I could try again.

I loved my baby more than anything but once I accepted it's demise in the OB office I knew I couldn't physically hold on. I also hated the fact that there was a baby inside me that wasn't living. There was nothing more I could do to protect my child.

I"m sure you will make the right decision for you. The only regret I have is not asking more questions about the baby him/herself and what I could expect to happen to my baby's body when it was all over.

Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.

mama-mia · December 2009

Thank you all for the input. I've decided to go ahead and schedule a D&C when I talk to my OB on Monday. After reading all of your stories, it seems like it'd be the best/easiest (ha) thing to do.

I'm almost afraid to ask, but what DO they do with the remains? Are there any options as a parent to honor your baby even when it's so early in the pg? If I don't want to know details, please just tell me so.

Thanks again for everything.

triple_sevens · December 2009

mama-mia, my baby's remains were sent off for genetic testing. I don't think they can give them to you (though I never asked) because they're the products of a medical procedure (I know, it's horrible phrasing, I'm sorry) and they have standard ways of dealing with things like that for hygiene purposes.

xtrememusclvr · December 2009

Hi=) I was just reading your post, and I also had a confirmed m/c on 12/3....i should have been almost 11 weeks. I have another u/s tomorrow afternoon, and i have been stressing about what to do as far as a D&C, or the pill, or just wait. I haven't had any signs of anything happening, so it almost doesn't feel real, you know? I feel like the surgery is a good option for me, because i need to move past this and start trying again....we had been trying for 8 months before we got pregnant this time! I wish you lots of luck, and a speedy recovery=)

Jessicamz · December 2009

"The night before surgery I truly started to m/c and it was THE worst experience of my life. I'm a pretty tough cookie with an alright tolerance for pain, but this was just BAD. (I wrote a bit more about it in my post a few below this one.) Baby only measured about 8 days, but the cramps were the most painful thing I've ever experienced. After 6 or so hours of that, the cramps and bleeding tapered a bit and I slept, glad it was over."

I had a very similar experience. I had a missed m/c and was given the option of a D & C or to wait to miscarry naturally. I chose to wait because I was hoping to avoid surgery. I was told it would feel like a heavy period. I would not at ALL describe it this way. For me it was absolutely horrible and unbearable. I was in the most terrible pain I've ever experience on Friday night for 3 hours before it subsided and again on Saturday night for 4 hours which was even worse than the previous night. Nothing seemed to help the pain. I couldn't get any relief and ended up going to the ER. They gave me pain meds which helped but I was upset to learn that my cervix was still open meaning the miscarriage had not completed yet!! Yet again on Sunday night I had more cramping/pain/bleeding/clotting but this time only for about 1 hour and the pain meds I was prescribed helped SO much!! I am hoping that this was the last of the awful pain. If I ever have a miscarriage in the future I will 100% choose a D & C because I honestly don't know if I could go through this again. As much as we want a baby, this situation has scared me so much that we may try to wait a while before trying again.

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