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TTC After a Loss
An Intro
I stumbled across this board in a google search a couple months ago. Then I started lurking. When my lurking turned into an every day thing I figured I should make an account since there have been a few posts I've wanted to comment on.
I'll try to make it short 
I'm Denise and live in Northern CA with my dh of 5 years, our 5 y/o daughter, the memory of our *would be 2 y/o* son, and 2 pregnancy losses this year.
After dating for 5 years, talk of marriage and all that good stuff, my and my high school sweetheart had an *oops* pregnancy. It was easy, we got married in that time, my worst problems were a minor car accident (hit by a drunk, spent a few hours at l&d) and boderline GD. She was born healthy, easy and all that jazz 11/17/04. (KaitlynReagan.com)
January 07 we found out we were expecting again with another *oops* pregnancy. We found out at 12 weeks it was a boy. At 18 weeks we found that he had a 2 vessel cord, which wasn't a big deal just needed more monitoring. At 23w5d I woke up in a puddle of water, my water broke (pprom= preterm premature rupture of membranes) went to l&d, they were catching contractions every 3 min that I wasn't feeling. I was told to allow labor, deliver him and end his suffering. There was no fluid left in the amniotic sac to develop his lungs, there was a 70% chance he would be born regardless in 24 hours because of infection (that would kill us both) or not being able to stop labor and a 92% chance of it happening in 12 days. I refused, spent a week on mag sulfate, and went on strict hospital bed rest listening to dr after dr tell me that when he was born he would die, if he survived labor, there was no lung development. I stayed there, with a 2 year old at home, for 10 weeks before I went into labor. He was delivered at 33 weeks, 4 lb 14 oz, crying 4 weeks in the NICU before coming home.
All was well. The morning he turned 10 weeks I woke up at 2:30 AM realizing he hadn't woken since his 10 PM feeding. I noticed he had a nose bleed, screamed, woke up dh and we realized he wasn't breathing. Resusitation efforts were not effective. Cause of death was determined to be SIDS. (MatthewJacksonMiller.com)
Before Matthew's passing we had decided not to have anymore, risk of pprom again was 70% and it just wasn't worth it. After he passed, we were undecided.
January 09 we had another *oops* pregnancy. (you'd think we'd learn about the pull out method). I was terrified of the 2nd trimester and risks of rupture then, but thought the first tri would be a breeze. We were moving and I started bleeding. Feet up, bed rest, saw heart beat, relaxing and a week later the bleeding tapered off to a slight brown blood. I thought all was well. I m/c that night at 7w2d. No abnormalities found, dr believed I pushed myself too hard moving and caused a problem with the sac.
I decided I wanted another one. DH was on the fence, then he agreed that we needed another. So, for the first time we were ttc.
June, BFP. All was going well. Awful morning sickness. Went to the dr for meds for the m/s, I was 6w, old man dr saw me since mine was on vacation. Said he wanted "to see if something was even in there" before prescribing me meds for nausea. Quick u/s showed that there was a mis-shapped sac and fetal pole. Said I would m/c. I didn't believe him. Waited a month, and went back, no fetal development. Waited another 2 weeks and went in August to see that there wasn't a baby. 
I decided to allow the cytotec to start the m/c since I was so sick. It didn't work. I bled for maybe an hour. Went in for d&c a week later. Again, no abnormalities found. A week after the d&c, I was still in pain. I started to hemmorage really bad in the middle of the night, went to ER and got the bleeding to stop after 12 hours of sitting in the same room they put our son in for us to say our good-byes.
So, here we are, 3 cycles since the d&c, I believe i ovulated yesterday or today and trying to have a baby.
*~*Mommy to*~*
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
This Momma's Journey
~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
This Momma's Journey
~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
This discussion has been closed.
Re: An Intro
I am very very sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine.
I hope that your stay on the board is short, but that you will get to know us in your time here.
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]
Wow. I am so sorry for your losses. Welcome to the board!
FAQ: My Friend Just Had a Preemie, How Can I Help?
Hi Denise,
I am so so SO sorry for your losses. You are a strong woman. Welcome to our board. I really hope your stay here is short and you get our BFP.
Thank you. It's nice to know that there are some that might understand the craziness and the worrisome. I wish I could go back to the day when I was part of the naive "it couldn't ever happen to me club" but I can't.
And I am SO thankful and grateful for our daughter. Without her, I wouldn't have the strength or motivation to get through every day. I have to sometimes remind myself that she has lost a lot too, and try to not only not feel guilty or responsible for that but to be amazed by how inspirational she is to me.
BFP#1 Kaitlyn 11-17-04
BFP #2 Matthew pPROM 23w5d 06-03-07, b/33 weeks 8-6-07, d/10-15-07 SIDS,
BFP #3 m/c 8 weeks 2/20/09, BFP #4 m/c no hb 6w4d, m/c 9w4d, D&C 11w2d, BFP #5 C/P 12/18/09 after BFP- 9dpo
BFP #6 Samantha- 11-9-10
BFP #7 4/20/12 21 DPO beta: 2382 29 DPO beta: 23000! HB 6w2d 116 bpm due Christmas day!
This Momma's Journey
~Today I am pregnant and I love my baby~
wow.. you are an amazingly strong person! I am SO sorry for your losses! & Welcome! I hope you find all the support you need here. These ladies are truly the best!
p.s. DD is Beautiful
Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11
D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d