Crying like a baby

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

How can she make me feel so badly? Her education and her life is not my responsibility. I cannot drop everything and tell my husband that we are giving her a loan.

I told her that I have to think about my future and my husband and she said "but I want to get an education and get a job." I told her its just not a good idea and it's not my responsibility and she said "what if I have no other options."

This really sucks.

XXXXX222 · December 2009

Isha, I'm so sorry she's pulling the guilt trip crap. That's awful. So many people make their education happening by working through school themselves. She may not finish as quickly as she'd like but there's a way.

ETA: If I remember correctly, you've posted about her before. It didn't seem like she's really be grateful even if you said yes.

Saturnmazz · December 2009

there are loans out there. What about student relations center to help her out instead of you and your H. ....I wouldn't feel it to be my responsiblity. Sorry this is heavy on your heart.

jlee1106 · December 2009

I'm sorry dear. It sounds like you did what's right for y'all. She can't see it now, but she will one day.

I'm sure there are some other options for her. I got school loans on my own. With ridiculous interest, but still. I kind of feel that figuring that piece out IS part of the education.

Jenandtonica · December 2009

That guilt trip sucks. It isn't your responsibility. It's hers. She'll figure out a way to make it work if she wants it bad enough. You aren't being a bad big sister. You're teaching her personal responsibility - both by forcing her to be responsible for herself and by showing your own personal responsibility.

(Can you tell I've had this same convo with MH several times?)

MrsVonKikabee · December 2009

AuntIsha:
How can she make me feel so badly? Her education and her life is not my responsibility. I cannot drop everything and tell my husband that we are giving her a loan.
I told her that I have to think about my future and my husband and she said "but I want to get an education and get a job." I told her its just not a good idea and it's not my responsibility and she said "what if I have no other options."
This really sucks.

She has other options, she just doesn't like them. Plenty of people have to work through school. Or drop out and earn some money and go back. The other options are harder.

I follow this blog about a college student who dropped out bc of loans and then went back and got her degree. It may help to inspire her.

https://poorerthanyou.com/

meangene · December 2009

How about she gets a job now if she doesn't already have one? I wouldn't feel too guilty. There are plenty of people whose only option is to work through school and take loans where they can on their own. We turn out ok.

crownedbee · December 2009

Oh, Ish.

Please don't feel like this is your responsibility. Even if there is no one else to help her, she should be responsible enough to go about this a different way before asking her sister to co-sign a loan for her. Especially since it doesn't seem like it's that small of a loan.

She could get a job and save for school instead of going to school and putting this on you. It's not fair for her to guilt you into this.

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

She has one job and she makes good money. This all happened because she wanted a bigger dorm room and took out extra money for it. Since lending is getting stingier, they cut her amount to what a regular dorm cost.

I knwo it is hard on her. When I started college in 2002, I could name my amount and get it from the loan companies. But my dad had a great job in the auto industry before it failed, I got terrible interest, and I'm paying for it now.

There are a lot of options, but she is a little overly dramatic. If I could help, I would, but I have our future to think about, and we have worked too hard for that credit score to risk it.

Lambie. · December 2009

Sounds like she should apply for a new dorm. It's not your fault and you shouldn't feel bad about it at all.

Mrs.EliK · December 2009

That is not fair for her to be making you feel bad like this. Where there is a will, there is a way, and if she really wants this then she will figure it out.

Trust your gut and don't let her upset you.....easier said then done, I know.

Alex17 · December 2009

Jenandtonica:

That guilt trip sucks. It isn't your responsibility. It's hers. She'll figure out a way to make it work if she wants it bad enough. You aren't being a bad big sister. You're teaching her personal responsibility - both by forcing her to be responsible for herself and by showing your own personal responsibility.

(Can you tell I've had this same convo with MH several times?)

Totally agree.

I'm sorry she is making you feel bad.

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

It is a pretty small loan, just not small for us. We don't really have much of a savings because we have to put aside 20% to be able to live in the summer when we don't have a paycheck. I think that's why I feel the worst about it. It seems like so little, but we would have 0 savings left.

Alex17 · December 2009

AuntIsha:
It is a pretty small loan, just not small for us. We don't really have much of a savings because we have to put aside 20% to be able to live in the summer when we don't have a paycheck. I think that's why I feel the worst about it. It seems like so little, but we would have 0 savings left.

I know you are feeling guilty, but you need to look out for you and your DH first. It's not your responsibility to make sure she has a bigger dorm room. You said yourself she may even be being a bit overly dramatic.

roshybride · December 2009

Ok, I felt for her when I thought she needed the money for tuition, but if it is just for a larger dorm room, I don't feel bad at all for her. She just needs to suck it up and live in a smaller room.

*KC*luvs*RJ* · December 2009

sulfababy:
Isha, I'm so sorry she's pulling the guilt trip crap. That's awful. So many people make their education happening by working through school themselves. She may not finish as quickly as she'd like but there's a way.
ETA: If I remember correctly, you've posted about her before. It didn't seem like she's really be grateful even if you said yes.

I seem to remember some ungrateful things she's done in the past as well. Just stand strong. ::hugs::

Emie28 · December 2009

*KC*luvs*RJ*:
sulfababy:

Isha, I'm so sorry she's pulling the guilt trip crap. That's awful. So many people make their education happening by working through school themselves. She may not finish as quickly as she'd like but there's a way.

ETA: If I remember correctly, you've posted about her before. It didn't seem like she's really be grateful even if you said yes.

I seem to remember some ungrateful things she's done in the past as well. Just stand strong. ::hugs::

Unless I am remembering wrong, is this the same sister that spent the week(end?) with you and you paid for everything but then asked her to split gas for a road trip and she threw a fit and then said she had a horrible time?

I might be thinking of someone else.

Regardless, don't let her make you feel bad. It is possible to make it without depending on the help of others. If you had the means to help her, you would right? It isn't like you are just not willing to help, you just don't have the means to right now.

::hugs:: Feel better, hopefully she works things out.

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

Emie28:
*KC*luvs*RJ*:
sulfababy:

Isha, I'm so sorry she's pulling the guilt trip crap. That's awful. So many people make their education happening by working through school themselves. She may not finish as quickly as she'd like but there's a way.

ETA: If I remember correctly, you've posted about her before. It didn't seem like she's really be grateful even if you said yes.

I seem to remember some ungrateful things she's done in the past as well. Just stand strong. ::hugs::

Unless I am remembering wrong, is this the same sister that spent the week(end?) with you and you paid for everything but then asked her to split gas for a road trip and she threw a fit and then said she had a horrible time?

I might be thinking of someone else.

Regardless, don't let her make you feel bad. It is possible to make it without depending on the help of others. If you had the means to help her, you would right? It isn't like you are just not willing to help, you just don't have the means to right now.

::hugs:: Feel better, hopefully she works things out.

That was definitely MY sister. She doesn't have a stellar track record, although she did finally pay us that time.

StephanieBride1 · December 2009

Wait, your sister? Pulling this shiit again?! I'm around if you are. I'm sorry

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

StephanieBride1:
Wait, your sister? Pulling this shiit again?! I'm around if you are. I'm sorry

I'm on my way home right now--the kids just finished. If you'll be there tomorrow, my kids have a work day and an in-class essay so I'll be there.

griffenhc · December 2009

Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat. She made the stupid decision that needing more room was worth taking out a loan, now she should have to deal with the consequences. If you help her out, she'll miss out on a (much needed) valuable life lesson. She definitely needs an economics lesson.

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