Community› The Bump Message Boards› Postpartum Depression
Postpartum Depression
New Discussion

PPD/A and birth defects

leaner2009leaner2009
in Postpartum Depression

Hi-  My son was born with various birth defects and will need 4 surgeries before he reaches 9 months.  The first 2 weeks he was in the hospital I was obviously a little down due to the circumstances, but I thought that I could handle it on my own and I seemed to be better once he got home and I was feeling better physically.  As the first surgery neared, I started to get more tense and started to have insomnia.  During this time I was hospitalized due to my gallbladder and had surgery, and then had to be hospitalized again due to some gallstones that had escaped before surgery.  I didn't get out of the hospital until 2 Saturdays ago, 3 days before my son's first surgery.  With all this going on, I just can't take it anymore.  I went to see a therapist on Monday and she prescribed Ativan (lorazepam) to help me sleep.  This is only the first step and I think next week we will talk about other medications.  I was on Paxil for a while a few years ago and it did wonders for me.  I felt normal, which I hadn't in years.  The only drawback was I gained about 20lbs.  At this point, I'll take weight gain over feeling like this, but has any one had success with an SSRI and not gained weight?  I am not nursing so all meds are available to me.  My anxiety is taking a toll on my marriage, but I am nervous that if I let my guard down and the anxiety goes away, I will realize that I am depressed as well.  I feel guilty that he was born with defects(even though they say it's not my fault) and I feel guilty that my health (PPD, gallbladder etc.) has not allowed me to be the best mother I can be.  I just hate this...

Thanks for listening.

 

 

Report Reply to Post

Re: PPD/A and birth defects

  • Rizzo5Rizzo5
    Very sorry to hear you and your DS are going through this!  How did he do after the first surgery?  Please don't blame yourself for anything he is going through right now.  Know that you are a source of comfort for your LO and you are being the best mother you can be...right now.  One day...one breath at a time ((hugs)).
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • leaner2009leaner2009
    He did wonderfully after his 1st surgery.  I know rationally that it's not my fault that this happened, but at 2am and I am alone with my thoughts, I just start wondering what I did and what I am doing wrong now.  It's a stupid cycle that I need to break.  Thanks.
    Report Reply
  • Rizzo5Rizzo5
    Trust me...I hear ya.  I could never find the words after I had DD and people would say "OH!  Isn't it just wonderful!"  I felt terrible b/c honestly, no, it wasn't.  I remember talking to my one friend (who doesn't have children) and telling her I felt like I'd lost all sense of rationality...I had no control over situations that I normally would've 'dealt with.'  It's so hard and you're right...being along with those thoughts...well that's the worst.  It IS a cycle of irrational thoughts and one that is so hard to get away from.  I hope you have a good support system and I'm so glad to hear that your DS is doing well.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"