s/o coming out (flameworthy maybe?)

weelass24 · December 2009

I don't get it. I don't really understand it. Does it really make a difference when you "announce" it, for lack of a better term. I've never come out and said "I'm straight". I guess it's not the same thing though?

To me, I don't give one crap if you are lesbian, gay, bi, trans or whatever. I guess I don't understand the whole coming out thing because, to me it's not a big deal if you are gay. Maybe if you have parents who are against it, I can see not telling them. I just never grew up in a place where it would have ever been an issue.

You are what you are. It's beyond my comprhension that someone woluld end a relationship, family, friendship or whatever, based on another's sexual preference.

I have tried to understand, but I just don't.

crownedbee · December 2009

I agree with you, but I think it's different when you're in the limelight. If she didn't come out and say she was lesbian to the media, she would have been all over the tabloids and a multitude of rumors would have been started about her--plus the paparazzi would have been following her around for God only knows how long.

In that situation, I'd rather just come out and say it than have to deal with all of that until they get tired of running stories about me and following me around behind a camera all the time.

capinjen152 · December 2009

Here, here. I do understand wanting to make a statement about who you are though.

leslie13510 · December 2009

I had a good friend in high school that we all (meaning his close friends) KNEW he was gay. He never admitted it, until about 3 years after graduating. It wasn't a big deal to his friends, and definitely not a surprise. His parents were very supportive, and his new friends where he lived at the time were supportive.

However, we grew up in South Texas. I'm not trying to generalize and say that everybody is close minded there, but I can DEFINITELY understand why he didn't come out until he moved away.

hippotree · December 2009

I just find it sad that someone would have to hide who they love, and to live in hiding sounds awful. One of my grad school profs was a lesbian and did not come out until she was dying of kidney cancer. It just makes me so sad that she lived a separate life in front of her family.

I think "the difference" is living life as who you really are and not in hiding. That's got to be pretty liberating, I would think.

jlee1106 · December 2009

I think in current society, it's about taking a stand for something that you refuse to be ashamed of.

And while we are evolving as a society, there is more evolution to be done.

Hopefully one day, there will be no such thing as "coming out". I'll just be me. And you'll just be you.

jCamsquared · December 2009

I totally agree with you Wee, but CrownedBee makes a good point that it probably helps her to avoid 'scandal' and such by just coming out.

charlies-angel · December 2009

jCamsquared:
I totally agree with you Wee, but CrownedBee makes a good point that it probably helps her to avoid 'scandal' and such by just coming out.

This. And also, not everyone is as open minded and as accepting as they should be. Its a shame that it has to be a big deal and that she had to "hide" it for so long. Hopefully one day we will live in a society where being gay does not have to be hidden or announced or anything.

lo45fd98wq32 · December 2009

It smashes my heart into a million, billion pieces that people even have to consider, for one second, not being honest about who they are and who they love.

That said, I understand why they do hide it.

sugarfingers · December 2009

But don't you think that when you have a "change" you should tell? Whether it be your friends or if you're a celebrity your fans? I mean, when I became pregnant, I made an announcement to my family because I used to not be pregnant, now I was. She used to be straight and now she is gay.

(And for those who are going to say she was *always* gay, she wasn't aware she was so I think it's fair to say it was a change.)

swimrbride · December 2009

I think most people are assumed to be straight and if they don't tell people or aren't open about it (for whatever reason) they feel like they have to make a big announcement. I had a coach in high school that a lot of people suspected was a lesbian, but she was engaged at one point to a guy. At the end of my senior year she officially came out as a lesbian and was getting married to her partner. I don't think it was so much for everyone else as it was for her to finally be able to share with others who she really was. And she was afraid that others would judge her, although no one did (that I know of).

Polarmouse · December 2009

there are people who believe that it's a choice and people who dont. Perhaps one answer's correct--perhaps both are correct for some people some of the time. I think that preaching openmindedness at the expense of people who disagree with a stance you take is a little funny. By telling a portion of the population that they're "wrong" for holding a belief, you're doing the exact same type of judging that you're railing against.

sugarfingers · December 2009

fredalina:
sugarfingers:

But don't you think that when you have a "change" you should tell? Whether it be your friends or if you're a celebrity your fans? I mean, when I became pregnant, I made an announcement to my family because I used to not be pregnant, now I was. She used to be straight and now she is gay.

(And for those who are going to say she was *always* gay, she wasn't aware she was so I think it's fair to say it was a change.)

What? Of course she knew she was gay! It's just that others around her, or in a celebrity's case at least the general public, didn't know it. She may have had a million billion reasons to pretend she was straight, but she always knew.

Still, yes, i agree it was a change.

I mean, it didn't sound like she knew she was gay during her marriages. I'm not talking about once she was with her partner. She got married 3 times to men and it sounded like she thought she was straight then.

nikisnow · December 2009

fredalina:
sugarfingers:

But don't you think that when you have a "change" you should tell? Whether it be your friends or if you're a celebrity your fans? I mean, when I became pregnant, I made an announcement to my family because I used to not be pregnant, now I was. She used to be straight and now she is gay.

(And for those who are going to say she was *always* gay, she wasn't aware she was so I think it's fair to say it was a change.)

What? Of course she knew she was gay! It's just that others around her, or in a celebrity's case at least the general public, didn't know it. She may have had a million billion reasons to pretend she was straight, but she always knew.

Still, yes, i agree it was a change.

I think she said that she did not always know. She said she had a hard time connecting with men in relationships, but just figured she was bad at picking men. It wasn't until she first fell for a woman that it all clicked for her.

preppynewlywed · December 2009

Polarmouse:
there are people who believe that it's a choice and people who dont. Perhaps one answer's correct--perhaps both are correct for some people some of the time. I think that preaching openmindedness at the expense of people who disagree with a stance you take is a little funny. By telling a portion of the population that they're "wrong" for holding a belief, you're doing the exact same type of judging that you're railing against.

I am not sure who said having an opinion is wrong.

Either I missed something or you are jumping the gun.

sugarfingers · December 2009

preppynewlywed:

Polarmouse:
there are people who believe that it's a choice and people who dont. Perhaps one answer's correct--perhaps both are correct for some people some of the time. I think that preaching openmindedness at the expense of people who disagree with a stance you take is a little funny. By telling a portion of the population that they're "wrong" for holding a belief, you're doing the exact same type of judging that you're railing against.

I am not sure who said having an opinion is wrong.

Either I missed something or you are jumping the gun.

Is she referring to Leslie when she implied people that don't accept gays people are close-minded?

tamerbelles · December 2009

My sister and her partner keep their relationship underwraps partially. SIL is a teacher and technically in Ohio it's illegal for gay people to teach. Some of her coworkers and bosses know, others don't. She would rather avoid possible conflicts and keep her career safe.

murphyec · December 2009

I 100% agree with you. A friend of mine was pissed at me cause I canceled our lunch date when I was passing through his town. Apparently he was going to come out to me (his sister later told me all this), well how the heck was I to know?! Why couldn't he just call me and say "I just met this great guy, his name is...." It is his life, not mine. He can spend it with whomever he chooses.

j_luvs_r · December 2009

AuntIsha:
It smashes my heart into a million, billion pieces that people even have to consider, for one second, not being honest about who they are and who they love.

That said, I understand why they do hide it.

This completely. Also, I have two 1/2BIL's who are gay. My FIL disowned them because of it. It makes me so sad.

j_luvs_r · December 2009

jlee1106:
Hopefully one day, there will be no such thing as "coming out". I'll just be me. And you'll just be you.

Yes.

jiffy-pop · December 2009

Polarmouse:
there are people who believe that it's a choice and people who dont. Perhaps one answer's correct--perhaps both are correct for some people some of the time. I think that preaching openmindedness at the expense of people who disagree with a stance you take is a little funny. By telling a portion of the population that they're "wrong" for holding a belief, you're doing the exact same type of judging that you're railing against.

100% agree.

jiffy-pop · December 2009

fredalina:

Polarmouse:
there are people who believe that it's a choice and people who dont. Perhaps one answer's correct--perhaps both are correct for some people some of the time. I think that preaching openmindedness at the expense of people who disagree with a stance you take is a little funny. By telling a portion of the population that they're "wrong" for holding a belief, you're doing the exact same type of judging that you're railing against.

Uh, where did you read that? All anyone has said that i've seen is that they think it's sad that someone has to hide their love for someone else. Not "anyone who has a religious problem with it is stupid".

ETA: sorry, see below.

Hell, there are people who think it's "wrong" to date/marry interracially. Thankfully they are getting fewer or at least getting more silent, but they exist. But, they have to deal with it. People who love someone of another race shouldn't have to hide it just because someone else has a belief, religious or otherwise, that says it's wrong.

jiffy-pop · December 2009

jiffy-pop:
fredalina:

Polarmouse:
there are people who believe that it's a choice and people who dont. Perhaps one answer's correct--perhaps both are correct for some people some of the time. I think that preaching openmindedness at the expense of people who disagree with a stance you take is a little funny. By telling a portion of the population that they're "wrong" for holding a belief, you're doing the exact same type of judging that you're railing against.

Uh, where did you read that? All anyone has said that i've seen is that they think it's sad that someone has to hide their love for someone else. Not "anyone who has a religious problem with it is stupid".

Hell, there are people who think it's "wrong" to date/marry interracially. Thankfully they are getting fewer or at least getting more silent, but they exist. But, they have to deal with it. People who love someone of another race shouldn't have to hide it just because someone else has a belief, religious or otherwise, that says it's wrong.

I agree with you also on the racial thing. I am a Christian and there is nothing in the Bible that says you can't marry someone of another race.

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