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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
more on cheating
No one "expects" to be cheated on. I would venture to say that most don't think their H would ever cheat. However, statistics say otherwise. So I think our expectations are not in line with reality.
FWIW, I've never been cheated on by my H (as far as I know). I don't expect it either. But would I be surprised if it happened? I don't really think so. Maybe I'm just jaded due to my witnessing others' situations over the years.
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Re: more on cheating
I totally agree. I think most people are very naive when it comes to cheating.
My reality, as well...
I agree that most people don't really expect it or think it will happen, but I personally believe men who cheat don't do so because they are tempted by some hot woman or because they have lots of opportunity. For 99% of them, it's an ego thing. It makes them feel wanted, powerful and important. Therefore, if you have a really solid marriage where both people are feeling respected and needed and have a DH who doesn't have self esteem issues (and yea, the guys who act uber-confident and have major egos are the ones with the self esteem issues), you can feel pretty confident he won't stray.
I giggle everytime I hear the "all men want to cheat", all men are into porn", "all men like to go to strip clubs" statements. Ok, maybe your DH or other men you have been around do, but no, they all don't.
YES! otherwise...what's the point? just to wait around and be cheated on?
I think that, under the right circumstances, with the right temptations, most people would probably have an indiscretion.
I'm not saying I don't agree with this! I would be pissed. But I see it happen all.the.time.
Case in point, my friend's FIL (a devout practicing Catholic who goes to church every Sunday) was recently caught getting a blow job in his car by a prostitute. And it's not the first time.
I'm going to have to agree with these ladies. I would be very surprised - and very hurt.
and you don't have to be naive to be shocked. i know guys cheat. there is a whole website to HELP people cheat. i mean, cmon. but you should at least try to assume your dh is one of the good ones, right?
My husband did cheat on me and I was completely shocked, as was anyone else who found out. He so was not "that guy", he waited until he was 22 and with me to have sex in the first place. We have worked through our issues and are far better now then we were, but it was still a major shock, even to this day when I think about it I am totally blind sided at his decision , even if I "understand" what led to it.
I laugh at that like I laugh at "He can't be gay, he's married!".
That said, I would be shocked if my DH cheated on me.
ETA: I do have cheating in close proximity. My DH's cousins husband, awesome guy, fabulous husband and father, has been having an affair for over a year. She just found out. They were planning on having her IUD out so they could TTC again. Now he has his own place.
DH's father cheated on his mother when DH was in college. It destroyed him, and his family. 15 years later it hasn't gotten much better.
That being said, I have no guarantee that DH and I will be together forever...a lot can happen, but I really feel like he wouldn't do this to me. We've actually talked about this a lot since it's such a big thing in his life. He knows what it did to his mother, himself and his siblings.
Me too. My DH knows that I would never accept cheating. Just as I know that he would happily kick me out on my @ss if I ever cheated on him. We made a commitment to each other and that's that.
Really??? This is sad.
Ditto Kali and others, I'd be shocked/devastated/hurt beyond belief if I found out DH was cheating. I'd never expect it.
Why in the hell did I bother getting married and taking life-long vows then?
The divorce rate is over 50% now, correct? All of those people took life long vows too. People change, people fall out of love, that is why. Sad, but true.
I agree with kali that my expectations are in line with my reality. Not everyone makes wise choices in their partner, their communication or their commitment to their relationship. There are a number of reasons why relationships fall apart. Whether or not I've known other people that have cheated doesn't change the standards DH and I have for our commitment.
But to not be surprised when it happens? Like you're sitting around your living room waiting for the day...? "Oh, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later."
I agree with this. I would be shocked because of where we are and the fact that we are very happy. Honestly, I think a great deal of people who are "shocked" when they are cheated on probably shouldn't be shocked at all.
i'll agree with this as well
This is true, but a lot of people who are "shocked" also have ostrich syndrome.
completely. Life changes. Circumstances change. People change.
I agree 100% with this sentiment.
Well, DH and I are agnostic, so aside from the God part, ITA with this.
I am hardly naive. I know the kind of person my husband is, his character and values. I worry about a lot of things, but him cheating on me is not one them.