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s/o monogamy outdated???

violetvirgovioletvirgo
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
So of those who posted below about monogamy being outdated or "against our instincts", do you think it's just okay to cheat?  This type of argument completely confuses me.   In terms of biology, if you believe it's against nature to be monogamous, isn't it also against nature to only have a few kids and not have as many as possible?
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Re: s/o monogamy outdated???

  • ToosdaiToosdai member
    No, It's never 'ok' to cheat.
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  • swedish-fishswedish-fish
    It's funny you mention the aspect of having a duggar-sized clan of kids.  That's the one part of my theory I haven't quite resolved.  As to the other part of your question, just because I think monogamy/marriage goes against our basic instincts cheating is unnacceptable.  By getting married, you're committing yourself via social contract to one person even if it requires you to have a little willpower.   
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  • LaroogirlLaroogirl

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

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  • CiconradCiconrad member
    imageLaroogirl:

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

    I completely agree.  It certainly doesn't go against my instincts to be monogamous.  I love, love the idea of growing old with the same old person...all his annoying quirks and everything.  I have zero interest in the newness or excitement of a different relationship.  I know DH feels the same way. And we are enterting our 8th year of marriage...so it's not like we are still on the newlywed high.

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  • Amrice78Amrice78
    yeah, I don't really get that argument either.  Sure we all have "animal instincts," but I think reasoning and impulse control are part of what make us human and not just animals.
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  • violetvirgovioletvirgo
    imageCiconrad:
    imageLaroogirl:

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

    I completely agree.  It certainly doesn't go against my instincts to be monogamous.  I love, love the idea of growing old with the same old person...all his annoying quirks and everything.  I have zero interest in the newness or excitement of a different relationship.  I know DH feels the same way. And we are enterting our 8th year of marriage...so it's not like we are still on the newlywed high.

     It's funny you mentioned that b/c DH and I were recently (last week) asked if we were newlyweds when we were checking into our hotel in nyc.  the guy checking us in was shocked to learn we'd been together almost 10 years :)  I'm glad he still gives me butterflies ::swoon::

    okay i'm done being sappy.

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  • MegGaryMegGary member
    imageCiconrad:
    imageLaroogirl:

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

    I completely agree.  It certainly doesn't go against my instincts to be monogamous.  I love, love the idea of growing old with the same old person...all his annoying quirks and everything.  I have zero interest in the newness or excitement of a different relationship.  I know DH feels the same way. And we are enterting our 8th year of marriage...so it's not like we are still on the newlywed high.

     

    Agreed.

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  • Amrice78Amrice78
    imageMegGary:
    imageCiconrad:
    imageLaroogirl:

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

    I completely agree.  It certainly doesn't go against my instincts to be monogamous.  I love, love the idea of growing old with the same old person...all his annoying quirks and everything.  I have zero interest in the newness or excitement of a different relationship.  I know DH feels the same way. And we are enterting our 8th year of marriage...so it's not like we are still on the newlywed high.

     

    Agreed.

    I also completely agree - we've been together 10 years as well

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  • LaroogirlLaroogirl
    imagevioletvirgo:
    imageCiconrad:
    imageLaroogirl:

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

    I completely agree.  It certainly doesn't go against my instincts to be monogamous.  I love, love the idea of growing old with the same old person...all his annoying quirks and everything.  I have zero interest in the newness or excitement of a different relationship.  I know DH feels the same way. And we are enterting our 8th year of marriage...so it's not like we are still on the newlywed high.

     It's funny you mentioned that b/c DH and I were recently (last week) asked if we were newlyweds when we were checking into our hotel in nyc.  the guy checking us in was shocked to learn we'd been together almost 10 years :)  I'm glad he still gives me butterflies ::swoon::

    okay i'm done being sappy.

    Not sappy at all.  DH and I have been married for 4.5 years, but together for 11.5.  I have no intentions on being with anyone else and neither does he.  Not always an easy choice, but it is a choice.  I love that my only is my forever.

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  • femmeftle9femmeftle9 member
    imageCiconrad:
    imageLaroogirl:

    I think it is a load of crap that monogamy is thought of being unrealistic and outdated.  We are not the only species created to be monogomous.  If the animals can do it,  why can't we humans get our act together! 

    I know my beliefs are often not popular.  But if we are destined to cheat then why get married and go through the motions of being a committed married person? 

    I completely agree.  It certainly doesn't go against my instincts to be monogamous.  I love, love the idea of growing old with the same old person...all his annoying quirks and everything.  I have zero interest in the newness or excitement of a different relationship.  I know DH feels the same way. And we are enterting our 8th year of marriage...so it's not like we are still on the newlywed high.

    Speak for yourself in the bolded statement! I really miss the "newness" of the relationship.

    And no, just because I feel the way I do about manogamy vs. human nature doesn't mean I'm ok with cheating... I made the terms of my marriage/relationship with DH clear & we took our vows.

    And swinging is totally NMS, but really I don't care what other people choose to do. I think it all depends on what you and your SO agree on in terms of the relationship.

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