Not BF related XP from the Nest...
I feel kind of at home here, so I thought I would ask all of you here as well...
Pending Diagnosis - Not really sure how to handle this situation. Here is some back story...
I went through a scare when an MD told a friend of mine they were sure she had pancreatic cancer earlier this year. We were all so scared because we didnt really know what would happen because the only things any of us knew was that this type of cancer is almost always terminal. We all were as positive as we could be inside and 100% supportive of her. It turned out that she had a very large tumor that they had to do the wipple procedure to remove. We were so thankful to hear that everything was okay...
Now onto the current situation...
My Aunts girlfriend is waiting on the results of a biopsy to determine if she has pancreatic cancer. The MD thinks that this is what the diagnosis is going to be because their is a family history of it and they have done tests for everything else and they have come back negative.
My mom is very close to her sister and her girlfriend. They see each other daily and this diagnosis is going to be very difficult to handle. My aunt told my mom because she needed someone to listen and be supportive, but they dont want anyone else to know until they have the results, and even then I dont know when they will tell everyone (if the biopsy comes back that it is cancer - I am hoping it is not). My mom called me and told me this morning because she needs support too and she needs to be strong for her sister and in order to do this she needs someone to talk to that isnt my aunt.
This is probably going to sound wrong, and I dont want it too, so I will say this... I am really scared and not sure how to be the support system that is needed for this kind of situation. I too am very close to my aunt, her gf and my mom, plus my sister is even closer to them... I want to be the best support system I can be - any helpful ways to deal with this kind of situation. It is just very stressful right now and I am really at a loss.
I know that we have to take things as they come, and we will, but I am just trying to realistically prepare myself mentally to be able to handle things if they do take a turn for the worst.
Sorry this was so long and TIA!
Re: Not BF related XP from the Nest...
My oldest and dearest friend is going through her second bout of breast cancer at 27. The first time, she went through treatment, she was damn near the poster child for getting through cancer treatment with flying colors and good overall health. She was re-diagnosed a year ago and has had a very tough time with her treatment. She's been through a lot this year. It's very scary and hard and the future for her is such a huge question mark.
This time around has been very different for our relationship. There's a lot more hard and sad conversations. There's a lot more questioning from her. There's been so many more tears.
I've found the best thing I've done for her is to just listen. Listen when she cries, or when she says that she doesn't know if she's going to be with us in 2, 5, or 10 years. Also, distraction is a great thing. My friend and I make plans to do fun stuff when she's up to it. We talk about everything we used to. I always ask her how she feels, but we don't dwell on the cancer. It's so easy to get hung up on that.
I've not been afraid to show my sadness and fear to her. About a month ago, she received news of a setback. She told me face to face and I cried and we hugged. And then we moved on. After a few particularly hard conversations with her where she was in tears and I was trying hard to just be there to listen, I called my mom afterward and cried.
So, all I can say is be there to listen, let life go on as normally as possible, and it's OK to cry. It's OK to be sad and scared. I've found that over time, it's gotten easier to listen, hold on to my emotions, and release them at the right time. Also, talk to someone. I know your mom wants you as a sounding board...Do you have a good friend, sister/brother to talk to? Or your DH?
I really hope it's not cancer. But if it is, good luck to her and I'll keep her and your family in my T&P's.
Ditto everything mrs.conn23 said. Listen as much as she needs you too. Don't focus on her illness or how hard it is for you...unload on your support system when you need to. Distract her with normal things.
I'll keep you guys in my T&P
