Feeling beaten down — The Bump
Breastfeeding

Feeling beaten down

Last week I posted about how my step mom thinks I need to give DS a bottle of formula since he's not napping very well, (http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/26640936.aspx). I agreed with the ladies that posted that this is not related to his being hungry.  Then we had Thanksgiving, with my family and the in-laws, and it fell right in the middle of DS's three month growth spurt so he was eating every hour. 

Yesterday FIL calls DH and says "we should go for a walk there are some things I want to talk to you about".  As soon as DH walks into their house they start in on DS isn't getting enough to eat, and we should be supplementing with formula or I should be pumping to see how much is coming out of each breast to know if he's getting enough. And they taked to my step-mom at Thanksgiving and she agrees but my dad told her not to say anything (which is bunk, my step-mom and I get a long great so she would have no problem saying it to me again). FIL basically said that we are obviously doing this wrong and "we are two generations from Dr. Spock so it's not that hard". MIL formula fed only all three boys and that worked for her but that is not what I want to do.

I also want to clarify that I have no judgement for other moms who ff or supplement, I firmly believe that a happy mom equals a happy baby and you have to do what's right for your family. But I really belive that what's right for my family is to EBF DS for as long as I can. We had a rough start to BFing and it's so hard to have them gang up on me about it. I know they mean well but it's just really hurting my feelings. I told DH that I would take DS into the doctor tomorrow to get him weighed and measured to prove that he's doing just fine and hopefully that will get them off my back for a while.

 

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Re: Feeling beaten down

  • First off sorry that they are putting you through this, second my FIL said the same thing that i was starving my child and that i needed to give him cereal because BM wasnt enough (my son is 7 weeks old) so i know what you r going through, hang in there!! I was like you and was like Im gonna take him in and get him weighed to prove a point so i called my pedi and went it, and my pedi was like if you were starving your child i would have already known and told you.However we weighed him then i nursed and weighed him again to prove how many ounces he was taking in and he is fine. Im sure your LO is fine also, my FIL likes control so Im sure thats where he is coming from, and if they havent experienced the whole nursing experience they dont understand growth spurts, you cant just add another ounce to a bottle you have to get your body to produce it. Hang in there and just know that Im right there with ya and i will listen to you vent. HTH
  • There is absolutely no reason you need to justify yourself to them (or to anyone else). You're doing what's best for your family and child, and you're doing a great job.

    I can't believe they had the nerve to speak to you and your DH like that. It really, REALLY burns me up when people who have no experience with breastfeeding try to give advice about it. Pump so you know how much he's getting? Supplement so he'll nap better? Whatever.

    It's none of their business, and you and your DH would be well within your rights to remind them of that. Try sending them the link to kellymom.com, so they don't have any excuses about why they're not educated on a subject they're so obviously "experts" on.

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  • That's insane.  I am so sorry your family is acting so badly.  Just hold your head up high knowing that you are doing the right thing.  

    Do you have anyone who supports you?  Can you go to a LLL meeting? Please don't let them make you feel too down.

  • That is horrible.  I am so sorry.  I would be beyond furious if my family acted like that.

    It sounds from your post like you know you're doing the right thing, but you just need some encouragement.  Please, please stick to your guns.  You are absolutely, 100% in the right here.  Your family is dead wrong.  Where does your DH stand?  Since you didn't mention it, I wonder if he's starting to listen to his family and question whether you should be nursing.  Nursing is hard -- and you need all the support you can get. 

    I really wouldn't encourage your family's meddling by telling them that you're going to talk to your pediatrician.  BUT, if your DH (or you) needs encouragement, definitely have your ped weigh and measure your child.

    Here's the thing -- if my family acted like that, it would piss me off and I would be only MORE committed to breastfeeding.  Heck, I'd probably decide to breastfeed until the kid was in school, just to piss them off more.  But, if your natural inclination is to give in to their horribleness, then I'd just refuse to see them until they shape up.

    One thing you could do is print out a bunch of articles talking about how breastfeeding is the best way to feed a baby and how a baby shouldn't have ANYTHING except breastmilk until after 6 months, and how the AAP recommends breastfeeding at least a year and longer if baby and mom want to.

    And, just for the record, DON'T pump.  A pump isn't as efficient as a baby, so if you pump, that won't tell you how much the baby is getting.  Don't supplement with formula because it will make your supply diminish.  You are doing everything right.

    Your FIL is an idiot.  Tell him he needs to read up on some more recent childrearing advice before he goes around spouting outdated theories.

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  • I am curious as to how your DH reacted to all this nonsense...

    FWIW, your family is wrong...you are doing the absolute right thing by your child, and they need to get out of your business.  Your child is YOUR child and you are well within your rights to feed him however you see fit.

  • Ditto ppers. I am so sorry your family is acting that way. I would be livid if I were you. I don't have great familial support for bfing. No one in my family did it. When I told my brothers about some problems we were having, their answer right away was, "you have to stop bfing." Umm, why? And my dad has made a whole bunch of jackass comments, but nothing like that!

    What a horrible thing for them to do? Bfing is hard enough as it is without other people putting doubts in your mind. You're doing great. Getting your LO weighed tomorrow will go a long way to tell them to back off. If you think it would help, you can always buy your own baby scale. I did that because I was having concerns about DS's weight gain. He was a slow gainer. I weigh him every once in a while and it gives me reassurance that all is well. But it's by no means necessary.

    Keep doing what you're doing. I'd be tempted to tell my family to back off if they ever have hopes of seeing LO again. But that's me.

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  • OMG, there's so much wrong here, it's hard to know where to begin.

    First of all, formula does not help babies sleep better--it's a myth.  Second of all, you'll know if your DS is getting enough because you'll be getting plenty of pee and poop diapers.  If it were me, I'd tell my FIL and SMIL to take a flying leap, but I understand every family is different.  If you feel the need to appease them and go to the pedi, then make sure you tell the pedi that you're there because your family has concerns but that you're dedicated to BF.  (S)he'll be supportive, you just need to make sure (s)he knows that's what you want.

    Remember, formula has really only been around for about a hundred years and man has certainly been around a lot longer than that.  If it wasn't good enough, we wouldn't exist as a species!  

    Hang in there--I'm sure your DS is doing fine and if you need support, we're here for you!

  • Thank you ladies so much. I can't tell you all how much your support helps. As I mentioned, we are going through DS's three month growth spurt so I'm also sleep deprived (more than usual) which I think makes it hurt more.

    DH is very supportive of BFing, but I think he was taken by suprise this morning usually his dad wants to talk about work stuff. Also he hasn't done as much research so when they said you need to pump he thought that might be a good idea. I have explained why that won't work, he now understands and is better prepared for it if this comes up again.

    Thank you again. I really do appriciate your support. (((hugs)))

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC#2 October 2011. June 2012 diagnosed with mild PCOS and both tubes blocked.
    10/1/12 miracle BFP 11/12/12 missed m/c (9w2d), baby stopped growing at 7 weeks
    1/16/13 BFP, EDD 9/27/13, m/c 1/19/13
    imagephoto rainbowleavesbadge-1_zpsa9246b63.jpg
    2/12/13 BFP, EDD 10/25/13 Please stick little one
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    A stowaway on board! :)
    Pregnancy Ticker

  • that sucks, i agree about pumping not being accurate. i am ep'ing for a premie and i cannot get most of it out at a session, and it feels totally different when baby even tries to bf, he isn't really even getting anything and it feels different.

    and even if you were ff or supplementing, he would still be waking up hungry, etc b/c he is growing!

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