Listen to what my MIL did (a tad long)...

naturelle25 · December 2009

We had a huge birthday party for Lillian this past weekend. It was a traditional Korean celebration that my MIL has been planning pretty much since Lilly was born (maybe even before, who knows, lol). She rented out a banquet room at a restaurant & had over 100 guests so I know she shelled out quite a bit of cash for the party. She is a very religious person & several members of her church were there along with the pastor & his wife. He stood up & said a prayer which was very kind of him.

My MIL had collected a good portion of the birthday cards that day as she was going around to visit all her friends as they were eating lunch. She said she would give us the cards the next day. She went home, counted all the money (which I found bizarre) & then called us to tell us how much money was there. The next day she called DH AFTER she went to church and said she took $100 for Lilly's birthday $ & gave it to her church. I was floored when DH told me this, not b/c she gave $ to her church but b/c she didnt ask us! I, of course, would have been okay with her making a large donation to her church if she would have asked us before, but I am bothered that she just did it. DH gave her some crap about it & she proceeded to tell him how much money she spent on Lilly's party. Um yeah, thats not really the point, is it? Am I being unreasonable?

the_mulva · December 2009

that is bizarre. I agree. It's not really a money issue, it's just an all-around odd thing to do.

mlc92404 · December 2009

Not at all!!! You never asked her to spend all that money or invite all those people. She should have never opened the cards or donated money without your ok.

phishphood · December 2009

I'd be kind of ticked about her taking $100 of your DD's birthday money, for sure.

As for opening the cards, is there some kind of tradition that the grandmother does this?

trizzie · December 2009

I think it is very odd. She offered to throw you a party, it isn't like you asked her to do it. The people who gave that money intended it for you LO, it wasn't her place to go through it and decide what to do with it. Bizarre.

irishgurlkt · December 2009

umm, yeah. I would be upset that she thought they were her cards to open in the first place, besides the fact that she technically stole $100 bucks from your DD. Regardless of where the money was donated it wasn't her choice, and her using the fact that she spent so much money on the party is a moot point- she did it because she wanted to, not because you had asked.

Jessibell · December 2009

the_mulva:
that is bizarre. I agree. It's not really a money issue, it's just an all-around odd thing to do.

**Nods**

My jaw dropped.

philosoraptor · December 2009

If the money was meant to be gifts for your daughter, the ONLY appropriate thing to do besides giving it to your H and you would be to open an account with her as the UTA.

OMG how strange and stupid.

lisaroo · December 2009

That whole situation is odd. And it wasn't her money to give; it was for your daughter.

I have to commend you though; there is NO WAY I could have relinquished that much control to my MIL for DD's birthday. (or anything really, lol.)

MrsJinNH · December 2009

It's almost as if she thinks because she threw the party, she was entitled to the gifts. Definitely strange!

CFO · December 2009

Is it maybe a cultural thing?

elevendiamonds · December 2009

I'm really hoping this is a tradition.

If it's not, there would be a little stronger of a conversation taking place by my DH.

J&A2008 · December 2009

That is so strange. Has she done things like this before? Any worries about dementia or other mental challenges?

I wouldn't be upset for my daughter, but for all the people who thought they were giving a gift to her but ended up "donating" to the church.

102503Natalie · December 2009

Rewind, I'd be ticked that she opened the cards in the first place. Unless that's some tradition, I don't see how that was her place much less to take $100 out and donate it without your knowledge or consent. Yeah, I'd be pissed.