Yet another CIO post

allie_smalls07 · December 2009

Don't mean to make anyone ill, but I'm really starting to wonder why some people are sooooo anti-CIO. I am ok with CIO in moderation. I don't believe in leaving a child to cry for hours on end or even leaving them crying with no soothing interventions for more than 15 minutes or so. All of my IRL friends are ok with CIO, but it seems to be a big NO NO on the bump boards.

If you are anti-CIO, please give me the reasons why and some evidence to support it. Maybe I am missing out on something...

I love my son just as much as any mom, but there are times he needs to CIO! I can BF him, hold him, rock him, massage him, cuddle him, etc etc until I'm blue in the face. Sometimes he actually pushes away from me. I put him down, let him fuss a bit, pick him back up and he goes out without a problem. I really believe there are times babies just need to blow off a little steam.

beckytr · December 2009

I think some ppl think it only means not feeding the baby when they wake up in the middle of the night.

Trvlingbride · December 2009

I believe most people have a problem with it before the baby reaches 6 months.

afg · December 2009

I don't agree with it period, and there is plenty of evidence against it.

A lot of people do CIO without doing any research about how to do it correctly so they do it with 2-3week old infants.

MiaVonT · December 2009

I'm not anti CIO or really for it ... I take each situation as it comes. Sometimes I have to let one just CIO for a few just for the sake of MY sanity. I notice my LOs cry to no end when they are over tired ... and nothing soothes them till they fall asleep. I think some might feel guilty about letting them CIO? or that it may cause emotional damage? I just hope one day someone will make a cry-machine ... which will tell us EXACTLY what LO wants/needs

allie_smalls07 · December 2009

Trvlingbride:

I believe most people have a problem with it before the baby reaches 6 months.

I get that, I really do. But I remember around the 4 month mark DS was so fussy from teething and wakefulness that there were days the only thing that worked to help him sleep was a little fussing time...

sammiekc · December 2009

Trvlingbride:
I believe most people have a problem with it before the baby reaches 6 months.

This.

kit443 · December 2009

I am not comfortable with it for my son - I don't think it would be good for him. I believe there are babies who respond to CIO, and others who can be damaged by it. Doing CIO is a decision that a parent makes for their own child. That being said even Ferber says not to use these techniques on children less than 4 months. My only problem with CIO on these boards are when someone does it too young or incorrectly.

My SIL did CIO (let him cry for 2 hours alone - that is awful and not what Ferber advocates). Her baby was high needs before, and now at 15 months can only be held by her. If another family member even looks at him he cries. That may not be from CIO, but IMO that child did not need to feel that his mom isn't always going to be there when he needs her.

jolis_petits_bijoux · December 2009

afg:

I don't agree with it period, and there is plenty of evidence against it.

A lot of people do CIO without doing any research about how to do it correctly so they do it with 2-3week old infants.

This. My son's cries get answered. I'm going to trust my maternal instincts, I cannot leave my DS to cry. Sad It would break my heart. So, if that's what spoiled is (getting cries answered), I guess my DS is spoiled!

howa0155 · December 2009

kit443:

I believe there are babies who respond to CIO, and others who can be damaged by it. Doing CIO is a decision that a parent makes for their own child. That being said even Ferber says not to use these techniques on children less than 4 months. My only problem with CIO on these boards are when someone does it too young or incorrectly.

This. It is only for parents who believe it is right for their child AND who have read Ferber's book, talked to the pedi, considered all of their options and implement it correctly.

aelyngstad · December 2009

There is a difference between CIO and fussing. Ferber is different than Babywise. Babywise is extreme, much worse than Ferber. When people say CIO it's hard to know exactly what they are talking about which may be what people get upset about.

twoasone1 · December 2009

I let LO CIO at times when I know he is tired and nothing else will work. I started this about a week ago (he was 3 1/2 months then). I read an article in Parents magazine about it and it said that you could start it at 3 months. Now, I don't let him cry for more than 10 minutes though and only when I know he isn't hungry or gassy or anything like that. I do disagree doing with an infant less than 3 months and for letting them cry for long lengths of time.

Chrysallys · December 2009

First of all if you are there your child isn't CIO.

Honestly, to me CIO goes against every instinct I have as a mother. There's a reason why your heart hurts when your child cries. If I was sad or frustrated I wouldn't want to be left alone to cry, why would I expect my child to like it, especially considering they are not developed enough to be able to deal and work through those feelings. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Was it good sleep? How did you feel? Did you feel refreshed in the morning?

Besides babies cry, why? They need something. It's the only way they can communicate and tell you. So you want to ignore and not acknowledge that need?

I feel that often CIO is done for the parents' convenience. They are so exhausted and need sleep but they aren't thinking of their child's needs. I figure my needs at this time are out the window and DS comes first.

Anyway, I could go on and on. Like I said in my earlier thread, I remember being subjected to similar "training" and it sucked.

https://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

https://www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au/Controled%20Crying.pdf

https://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

TommysGirl56 · December 2009

I have read that research shows that a baby who's cries are promptly responded to cry less at one year of age than do those babies that were left to CIO. Also, holding and other comfort measures help the infant to develop trust.

Lolita0626 · December 2009

Chrysallys:
First of all if you are there your child isn't CIO.

Honestly, to me CIO goes against every instinct I have as a mother. There's a reason why your heart hurts when your child cries. If I was sad or frustrated I wouldn't want to be left alone to cry, why would I expect my child to like it, especially considering they are not developed enough to be able to deal and work through those feelings. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? Was it good sleep? How did you feel? Did you feel refreshed in the morning?

Besides babies cry, why? They need something. It's the only way they can communicate and tell you. So you want to ignore and not acknowledge that need?

I feel that often CIO is done for the parents' convenience. They are so exhausted and need sleep but they aren't thinking of their child's needs. I figure my needs at this time are out the window and DS comes first.

Anyway, I could go on and on. Like I said in my earlier thread, I remember being subjected to similar "training" and it sucked.

https://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html

https://www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au/Controled%20Crying.pdf

https://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

Yes

ceg2483 · December 2009

I think there is a lot of variation over what CIO actually means (just like "co-sleeping" means different things to different people)

I think that some people get too up in arms over anything that is slightly CIO. If an overstressed mom needs to take a breather from her colicy baby and set him/her down in the crib for 5 minutes, that is one thing. Or sometimes a baby needs to fuss for two minutes (not scream, not yell, just fuss) before going to sleep. Neither of these are truly CIO in my book but some people call it that.

meyemn28 · December 2009

I think as a mother you know when your LO is fussing to let off some steam and when your LO is crying because he/she needs something. CIO when you know the latter category applies is always wrong IMO. Also, any CIO before 3-4 months is also wrong because I don't think the ability in both mother and child to know the difference between at "need" cry and a "blowing off steam" cry has developed yet.

WaitingForMyMiracle · December 2009

It's the moms that let their babies cry for hours without being soothed b/c that's what their grandmother told them to do. That's the stories that get flamed.

Mostly, I think it's b/c if you're going to do something so drastic, you need to read and study about it and make sure you're doing it correctly. Make sure it will bring the least harm to your child.

I'm in the boat that says To Each His Own. It's not my family and not my place to judge them on their parenting choices. Don't flame me for letting my LO CIO and I won't flame you for bedsharing or APing or using Elimination Communication or whatever else you can think of.

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