really long intro

sweetgirl425 · November 2009

So, I've been lurking here since last week, and I feel it'sfinally time to tell my story.

A few months ago my husband and I decided to start TTC our firstbaby and only 2 months after stopping BC I got my BFP (11/13). I was shockedthat it happened so fast, but we were so excited!! We told our 2 best friendsand I told a couple people at work (I'm a nurse and there are certainassignments I shouldn't take pregnant, so I told my supervisor). They werereally excited for us too! Through all of this I was still nervous andcautious. I wanted to tell my mom more than anything, but I wasn't ready totell everyone else and my husband didn't think it was fair to tell my mom andnot his!

We had our first appt., the OBhistory with the nurse on 11/19 at almost 5 weeks. The next night on Friday wedecided to tell our parents and siblings, which also turned into mygrandparents, which turned into aunt's and cousins!! I was excited to tellpeople, but I was still cautious and nervous!! That Sunday I woke up with cramping,terrified I ran to the BR, but there was no spotting, then the cramping wentaway. I called my mom (she was on OB/GYN nurse for 9 yrs), she reassured methat I was ok and b/c I had no spotting and no more cramping I went with it.Then on Monday I had some twinges of pain, then some light, pink/brown spottingonly when I wiped. I called my dr's office and the nurse again reassured methat this can be normal. I had a really bad feeling, but I tried to be optimistic,but when I woke up on Tuesday I found that the spotting had gotten a bit heaverovernight and was continuing that morning and was then more pink/red. I wasalso having a lot of pressure in my pelvis, and cramping/pain with bowelmovements. I called the nurse again and went in to have my beta HCG drawn. Iwas alone b/c everyone else was at work and I couldn't stop crying, I just knewthis wasn't normal. I went home and laid on the couch crying. That night myhusband had something to do after work, so my mom picked me up and took me homewith her. On Wednesday she was off of work so I stayed at her house and shetook care of me. Then I got the call with my results. My level was only 34. Ijust broke down. I should have been 5 1/2 wks. I knew there was no way theyshould be that low, but we made a plan for me to go in to the lab to have itdrawn again on Thursday, just to be sure it was going down. Wednesday I hadjust very light spotting all day, and maybe a few mild cramps. Thursday morning(Thanksgiving) I went to the lab at 7:30 AM, by 9:00AM my results were back andthis time they were 8. My husband was with me and as we got into our car hejust held me while I cried. I called and told my mom.

Then we went to her houseonly my older brother was there with her. We had Thanksgiving dinner and I triednot to think about what was happening, b/c every time I did I burst into tears.I told my mom she would have to handle telling everyone. That night I actuallywent to work. (I work night shift, 7P-7A) I decided to work hoping that itwould help take my mind off of everything. I was on the verge of tears theentire night and in hindsight should probably have stayed home. Two of thepeople that knew at work were there, so I had to tell them. They were extremelyunderstanding and supportive. I then worked the next 2 nights and I started tofeel a little more normal. I did have a few big blows though b/c everyone atwork jokes about me being the next one to get pregnant (6 of my co-workers hadbabies in the last month), they don?t know I?m actually trying. Anyway, a fewof them have made comments the last couple of nights or asked me when I?m goingto have a baby and it takes everything I have to not crumble into a ball andcry my eyes out. Today was also difficult, I had to shop for 2 of my coworkers?babies. And I just kept thinking I want this to be for my baby.

I think the only thing that?s really keeping me going right now isthat we found out on Friday that we got our house and are closing this week, soI have something to focus on other than my loss! At the same time though it?sbittersweet b/c I was also planning the nursery in our new house and picturingwalking with the baby in our neighborhood. I know this will happen someday, butI just can?t believe how quickly I went from pregnant to not!

You ladies have already been a great comfort and provided good insightand advice. Even though I?m sad to behere, I?m happy this board exists and that I have somewhere to turn wherepeople truly understand what I?m going through!

Sorry this is so long, just wanted to get it all out!!

Heidisean · November 2009

I am soo sorry and know that you are not alone. This is a wonderful board for comfort but I hope your stay isn't very long and wish you all the best!

Cissi64 · November 2009

Sorry for your loss. This is a good place to vent and ask questions. What you are feeling is completely normal. Focusing on the new house is a good thing to keep you occupied but be prepared for the grief to hit you even when you think you ahve gotten over it.

TTCAL is also a good place to get support when you are ready. Just be kind and introduce yourself well in advance of announcing a BFP. I have heard that SAL and PAL are also good board but I never made it that far.

JuJuBe3 · December 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. It is definitely a heartbreaking process. This board is a great place to be for support, comfort or just to vent. And like a pp said, I would highly recommend TTCAL when you're ready.

It is exciting to have a new house and I hope you can enjoy it. Keeping busy unpacking and decorating might be a very good thing. We have a room that will be our nursery someday (soon, I hope). And we're still working towards getting everything else in order, so when the time comes, we'll be ready to prep that nursery. Nothing wrong with that.

Sonadora · December 2009

I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope you can focus your attention on the house to occupy your mind for the time being. I'm finding that not having anything to focus on is making it harder for me to move on.

Temp950106187509203 · December 2009

I'm so sorry for your loss. {{hugs}}

bumblebee22 · December 2009

Very sorry for your loss. ((HUGS))

Want a personalized experience?

really long intro

Re: really long intro

Choose Another Board

Search Boards