Stillborn and Devastated
jetskreemr
member
Hi All,
I'm new here, but have posted a few times. I just want to introduce myself and tell about our story.
I had a miscarriage earlier this year, which was sad, but not unexpected as we all know. I got pregnant again in July, and it was happily very uneventful. I had really bad morning sickness, which I didn't with the first one, so I thought that was a good sign. Then after the first trimester was over, my sickness went away, and I thought we were home-free.
We had all kinds of screening tests done to check everything out, and were at low-risk for everything. It seemed like everything was going perfectly. We had announced to everyone, and were so excited, already getting gifts from friends, wearing maternity clothes, etc. About 3 weeks ago, we had our Level II US and found out it was a girl, and had started working on finding a name, although we kept calling her our nickname "Bebe" in the meantime.
Then, on Wednesday Nov 18, everything changed. I started lightly bleeding and feeling mild cramps as well. I was terrified, so we went into the hospital to have things checked out. They said my cervix was still tightly closed, so that was good. They gave me a number of tests, and some Terbutaline, and everything seemed to get better, just for a little while. I went into see my OB the next morning, and she decided I should go on bed rest to see if that helped anything. However, the bleeding and cramping seemed to get progressively worse. One more trip to the hospital was made over the weekend when the bleeding was worse, and I got another dose of Terbutaline, which seemed to calm things down.
Then, on Monday Nov 23, my water broke. We went back to the hospital, this time to stay, but they were not very hopeful because I was only in my 22nd week, so our baby was not yet viable. They put me on Terbutaline all night, which seemed to help the contractions again. However, the following morning they did another check on the baby, and this time she had no heartbeat. She had died. That was the worst moment of my life.
That afternoon they started me on drugs to start labor, which began working around midnight. I had a very easy labor (helped by an epidural and the fact that she was so small) and our baby was born early that morning. We got to hold her, and got a memorial certificate with footprints and handprints. She is being cremated today, and we picked out a beautiful carved silver heart-shaped box to keep her in.
Needless to say, my husband and I are absolutely devastated. We had never even guessed that something like this could happen to anyone. We can both say that we have never been through something this difficult in our whole lives, and I am saying this after a m/c and after also losing my father earlier this year. We are just waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel when we can feel happiness or joy again in our lives.
The one bright spot in all of this has been the support of our friends and family. We have had so many emails, calls, cards, flowers, visits and food from everyone, it has been so helpful to us. And now I must face my biggest fear as well, what happens next time? Will I ever be able to trust the process again? Will this happen with our next baby? Or will everything turn out fine? I am so afraid for next time, I don't know if I could go through something like this again.
This board has been very helpful to me this past week, and I hope that I can provide some support to others who may need it as well.
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Re: Stillborn and Devastated
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
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Missed m/c 11.09 | Missed m/c 3.10 | We miss you & love you so.
~ ~ ~
Formerly toddandjulie
I'm so sorry--that story is devastating.
This board has been an amazing source of support for me since I had to join--I was induced at 21 weeks because of a fatal abnormality--and there is a late loss group that checks in on Wednesdays if you want to join us.
((HUGS))
Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11
D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d
Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby Grace at 18 wks. And it is completely devastating. Im sorry that you had to join us. But the girls here are the greatest support I have had through my three m/c. Btw, I had a loss at 8 wks, then 18 wks, then 7 wks. But I have two perfectly healthy DD's that I delivered way before any losses.. I dont have any answers as to what will happen next time for you.
If you need someone to talk to PM me anytime! I have been there.
We lost our daughter over 3 months ago at 23w5d.
I can tell you that with time, the pain gets less. It will never go away... but, it does get better. I know for me, it took me about a month to process everything that happened. Everything was so tramatic and happened so fast....
Please know that this boad is amazingly supportive. Anytime you need someone to talk with- to vent - to cry, we will be here.
Also, I have chatted on the phone w/ a few of girls on this board and it really helped me. For me, to talk w/ someone who went through a similar situation- was key. If you ever want to chat, just PM me.
I am so sorry hun... There is just no words.
I am so sorry for your loss. I also had a completely uneventful pregnancy up until the day my little Cambridge was delivered. Sebastian held on for another day and a half but left us as well. My boys were 19+ weeks old...too small to make it. They both had strong heartbeats up until the end...my little fighters.
It sounds like you have a wonderful support system. That really helped DH and I as well. Take full advantage. As for next time...I completely understand. I am so afraid that this will happen again and I just don't know if I can handle it. That being said, my doctors are planning to monitor me weekly, put me on supplements, and on bed rest as soon as needed. I will be considered high risk as well.
There is still a lot that you are going to have to go through...I would recommend seeing a maternal fetal medicine specialist. We learned so much from that appointment and feel much more prepared for the next time around. We also conceived via IVF so we consulted our RE and he is prepared for next time as well.
I promise it gets easier. We lost our boys a little over 3 months ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about them. DH asked me to start counseling which I never thought I would need but I am happy to be starting.
Stay strong...((Hugs))
I am so sorry for your loss, I have no words.
Please know I will be thinking of you and your DH, and that you can share anything with the women here. ((Big Hugs))
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