living arrangement question
Hello. Ihave a question and would love to hear any advice you can give.
DH and I have custody of two SDs (13, twins). Their mother lives out of state and sees them periodically throughout the year. She doesn't work and has not in a few years, for reasons unknown. She has rented out the second bedroom in her two-bedroom apartment to a male college student. This is not her first roommate. Her previous was a female and slightly older. This room used to be their room.
When SDs stay with her, they sleep in the living room and have no privacy. Numerous times they have expressed how they feel uncomfortable staying with her because they miss "their room" and don't like sleeping in the living room. Numerous times their mother has told them they would have their room back next time they see her. Each time they are disappointed. They also have expressed how uncomfortable they are with a strange man in the appartment.
I understand that circumstances do not always allow for ideal sleeping and living situations. However, it seems inappropriate for two 13-year-old girls who are shy by nature to have to sleep in a public living area and have no privacy. In the summer they are there for nine weeks, which is a long time for anyone to sleep in a couch, especially at an age when Modesty and privacy are so highly sought after.
Anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance.
Re: living arrangement question
They will be 14 next summer, right? And BM doesn't have a SO, right?
DH should ask BM to let the girls sleep in her room for the 9 weeks they are there and have BM sleep on the couch.
I agree, BM needs to be sleeping on the couch or the girls should be sleeping in her room WITH her on air mattresses or something.
I know everyone else is saying it's not illegal but my DH does mediation through the courts and an actual judge mediates the sessions. We have the same setup you do: long distance, and DH is the non-custodial parent so we get them for 8 weeks. Even so, when BM proposed that DH should be renting a one bedroom apartment (with me) and have SDs "camp out" in the living room so she could get more CS, the judge tore her a new one. And that was without a male roommate involved. I hope you all can work it out because that seems really sketchy.
I was going to say the same thing. Even if there is nothing you can do about it, I do agree with you that the situation is a bit awkward. Especially at that age.
I think her giving up her room during the visit is a completely reasonable request and compromise.
Okay, this is by no means an expert opinion, but I was watching a TV show several years ago, and in order for the mom to get her kids back from a foster family, she had to provide a private bedroom for them. So the mom rented a 1 bedroom apt, put bunk-beds in the bedroom, and she slept in the living room. Although these shows are not always correct, I do think that's what the BM should do--put the kids in the bedroom.
And if I were your DH, I would insist.