Community› The Bump Message Boards› Infertility
Infertility
New Discussion

Starting to accept things

AuburnBride06AuburnBride06
in Infertility

Good morning girlies. This morning seems to be a better time for me. Lastnight, I broke down to DH. I told him how scared I was and asked him if he is disappointed in his life, it just being us and our 2 dogs. He said no, of course not, but he wants a baby too and he knows that we will have one, one way or the other. He told me not to worry, because he knows that God is going to make us parents. I just cried in his arms. I told him that I am just so tired of waiting. I think some kind of acceptance is starting in me. I asked him if he would love a baby we adopted as much as our own, and he said yes, most definitely. He told me that to that baby, we would be his parents. He would call us mommy and daddy. And as we all see everyday, biology doesn't have to be in the equation to make a good parent.

I am not ready to let go of the dream of having our child growing inside of me, I probably will never let go of that. My heart is starting to warm up to the other option. My heart just wants me to be a mom.  I don't know if it's just all the time, tears and pain, the sheer exhaustion or what. I don't know. I am going to put things in God's hands. We are going to cycle again as soon as the new year hits and we are back from our trip, but I think looking into things is in our future. I think that whatever happens, it will play out as God wants it to. I need to do better in having trust. I am terrified of how either journey could play out. I am very scared of how long it could take to get things going, the $$$ aspect, of it failing too. But I have to try and not think of that.

I just see myself starting to accept things, whereas not long ago it was not even in the realm. I just wouldn't let it be. But I am so tired of waiting and hurting.  Not ready to stop cycling though. Far from it.

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: Starting to accept things

  • madelyn07madelyn07 member

    I'm so tired of you hurting, too! You deserve to be a mommy and I know that you will one day!

    I'm glad you were able to have a good talk with your DH about all of this. That can make all of the difference. 

    We are here for you in whatever path you chose and we are all cheering you on and can't wait to see you with a baby in your arms, one way or the other! 

    TTC #1 since June 2008 *SAIFW*

    TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • jlcrane78jlcrane78 member
    Some of the things you have said could have come straight from my mouth.  IF just has a way of taking its toll and, for the first time, I have started thinking about an end date.  I'm pretty confident I can't continue past this next summer, so if we are not able to have a biological child by then we will probably start moving toward adoption.  I'm emotionally drained, and I think it's unfair to keep putting myself through everything.  I listened to a really good radio show that talked about adopting, and it softened my heart quite a bit.  I used to talk about adopting "after I had a biological child."  Now I'm realizing that I don't need to have the biological child first or ever to be a mom to a child that really needs one.  Good luck to you Auburn.  I am glad to hear that you are not ready to give up just yet, and I am still hopeful that your day will come!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • negrilbride07negrilbride07

    I am so sorry you've had to endure all of this heartache.  Your heart is so ready to love a child when there are people who take for granted their gift.

    We, here are rooting for you each cycle that it will be the one for you. I'm glad you and your hubby were able to discuss your concerns and he able to provide comfort and assurance. I wish you well in whatever journey you decide to take in becoming a mother.

    ((hugs)) for your continued strength!

    Report Reply
  • thewormstheworms member

    I'm so sorry for all you and DH have been through.  ((HUGS))

    Sometimes crying and talking can do a world of good.  You and DH will be parents and it may not happen the exact way you planned but it will not be any less special.  You will make it to the other side.

    More ((HUGS)) and we'll be here to support you no matter what.

    GL cutie, I hope the new year brings you all your wishes come true.

    image
    Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)

    It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
    MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
    Report Reply
  • LuckynTiggerLuckynTigger

    IF totally sucks butt.  I know that I have said it before and I will say it again, You are one of the strongest women that I know.  You have been through so much but it is so nice that you have a very supportive DH.  (((BIG HUGE HUGS)))

    image TTC with PCOS since Feb. 07. Currently on a break to save $$ for IUI. Searching for My Mini M&M
    Report Reply
  • LCB34LCB34 member

    I am so sorry for all of the pain you have been dealing with.  It is just not fair.

    However, I am so glad that you had a good cry and talk it out session with your DH.  Those always help me!  Your thoughts and feelings sound a lot like mine a few months ago - when DH and I started to seriously talk about adoption.

    I felt like DH would be upset that I couldn't give him a bio child but once we finally talked about it he took the same stance that your DH did.  He told me he just doesn't want us to keep hurting and that no matter what we will love any child that is brought in to our home - whether it be via pregnancy or adoption.

    I am praying for you hon!

     

    Report Reply
  • albjagalbjag member

    I'm glad you had a heart to heart w/ your husband.  It probably feels good to have the acceptance you are feeling now.  I hope that you become a mom soon and don't have to endure anymore heartache on the way.  ((hugs)) 


    Surprise BFP after 5 yrs of TTC
    Report Reply
  • *jenjen**jenjen*
    I'm still catching up on posts, so I just saw your sad news :(  I'm soo sorry to see you are going through this again...it's so unfair!  It sounds like you and your dh had a really great talk about everything and i'm glad you're feeling a little better.  You will be great parents one day! (hopefully soon!)
    Report Reply
  • shipoopiisformeshipoopiisforme
    i am so sorry you are suffering like this, you so deserve to be a mom. big hugs to you.
    imageAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
  • *Willis**Willis*

    I'm so glad you had a good cry and a talk with DH.  Sometimes those things really help.

    DH and I have had a very similar conversation a lot recently.  He's told me a million times that if it's just us, he's the luckiest man in the world.  But that if we really want to be parents, it will happen some way.  The fact that it happens will be all that matters, not how it happens.

    I'm not ready to stop cycling quite yet, but we are seriously considering adoption at this point.  We've even discussed adopting, then cycling down the road.  Obviously it has it's risks and heartaches, but I think going through it knowing you have a child is different than ever know if you will have one, KWIM?

    Report Reply
  • AuburnBride06AuburnBride06
    image*Willis*:

    I'm so glad you had a good cry and a talk with DH.  Sometimes those things really help.

    DH and I have had a very similar conversation a lot recently.  He's told me a million times that if it's just us, he's the luckiest man in the world.  But that if we really want to be parents, it will happen some way.  The fact that it happens will be all that matters, not how it happens.

    I'm not ready to stop cycling quite yet, but we are seriously considering adoption at this point.  We've even discussed adopting, then cycling down the road.  Obviously it has it's risks and heartaches, but I think going through it knowing you have a child is different than ever know if you will have one, KWIM?

    That is exactly what I have been thinking. Or even starting the process and cycling at the same time.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • MAK06MAK06 member
    I wish I could do something to change things for you.  But I am so glad to hear that you had a great discussion with your DH and you are starting to feel better about things.  I pray that your dreams come true ... I know they will!

    image

    IVF #1 = BFP!! So blessed to have our baby boy! IVF #2 = Convert to frozen - 1 frostie! IVF #3 = Convert to frozen - 1 frostie! FET #1 = 8/14, Two transferred, One stuck! Praying for another healthy miracle! Due: 5/2/13 imageLilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • so1966so1966

    your post just bring tears to my eyes.  i know so many of us can relate to some degree. the journey of IF (cyling, bfns, mcs) are just awful and a great loss.

    i certainly wish  you success in your future and i just know that someway, somehow,  you and your dh will become wonderful parents. 

     

    ((HUGS)))

    After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"