Had an epiphany about STTN

SeaSoul · November 2009

Why doesn't DS STTN even at 11.5 months? I think the reason is very simple...because I don't want him to!! And he knows it. He almost always wakes up just as I am going to bed...just as I am thinking "oh, I miss him so much, I want him here with me!" It's amazing how in-tune we are with each other! We have been (inconsistently) trying to get him to sleep longer stretches in his crib. He already sleeps there until about 11pm, and we have tried many times recently to put him back down in his crib after the ~11pm wakeup. It's hit or miss whether it works. A few times he has slept there until 1:30am or so. Not bad. But I can't bring myself to keep trying after that. The truth is, I can't imagine him sleeping a full 12 hours without seeing him! It's just not a goal of mine, I guess. However, I do wonder...should it be? Am I more focused on what *I* want than what's best for him? I'm just not sure... What do you all think?

erinkate23 · November 2009

Confession:

I am 31 years old and I don't STTN. Never have.

When I was little, I'd wake up, go to the bathroom, come back to bed and sometimes read till I fell asleep, but never actually slept. I'd end up in my parents' bed if I was anxious or sick, till I was 8 or so.

I wake up every night now and cuddle with DH. I hated sleeping alone when I was single, and being able to sleep with DH is one of the best things about being married. Sometimes he'll wake up and we'll talk for a few minutes in the dark. I honestly do not remember ever sleeping though an entire night in my entire life.

My epiphany - if I don't STTN, why would I expect a baby to? I'm a successful, well-balanced person....who says STTN should be a goal at all?

sunnyday016 · November 2009

Just wanted to say that I love your siggy pic! He's adorable!

SeaSoul · November 2009

erinkate23:

My epiphany - if I don't STTN, why would I expect a baby to? I'm a successful, well-balanced person....who says STTN should be a goal at all?

I like your way of thinking. I/we have never thought of it as a goal for DS, and have NO problem with the fact that he doesn't STTN (clearly). But I just wonder if I am somehow impeding the natural progression of things by caring more about my own needs. Hard to say, I guess. At least we don't disturb him anymore to bring him in to bed with us. We at least wait for him to wake up on his own.

SeaSoul · November 2009

sunnyday016:
Just wanted to say that I love your siggy pic! He's adorable!

Thank you!

erinkate23 · November 2009

That is tough....If he doesn't mind though - no harm, right? I'd be willing to bet that he likes your time together as much as you do, and that he'd really miss you, as much as you'd miss him.

goodheartedmommy · November 2009

I think he'll STTN when he's ready, whether you want him to or not. I don't mind my kids night waking. It got to me at one point when DD1 woke every 15-30 minutes at night, and DS was very ill for months, and I was up around the clock with him, too. Anyway, I'm in no hurry for my kids to STTN. My older 2 both have without any help on my part.

LucyPevensie · November 2009

You know I get where you're coming from! I love bringing Jack to bed with me - but - I also love that he starts the night in his crib so I can have some free time in the evenings. Many nights - he does not wake up - I just go get him out of his crib around 11pm, gently pick him up and bring him to bed - and he sleeps the rest of the night with me. And usually sleeps all the way through although sometimes rustles around or is restless.

But - if I didn't go get him he would wake up eventually and cry for me. For us, our situation is perfect, I love sleeping with him - and waking up with him. I know you're hoping to transition to more of an all night crib situation but I can see where you're conflicted. You guys will figure it out though.

e_b_r · November 2009

just wanted to say thanks for this thread; been wondering some of the same things myself.

DD usually sleeps 4-6 hrs when she first goes down to sleep, but wakes 2 or 3 times after that to nurse. we bedshare after she first wakes, and i'm getting plenty of sleep, so changing this isn't a real hot priority for me either. still, i am so bombarded with "is she STTN?" that i sometimes wonder if i'm doing her a disservice by not encouraging a faster transition to longer stretches. does that longer period of uninterrupted sleep serve such an important role for health or development? IDK.

GL finding a solution that feels right and works for all of you

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