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1st Trimester
CinnamonBun
member
Why can't people parent their children?
CinnamonBun
member
Seriously, I don't get this. You chose to bring children in to the world, therefore you have chosen to be a parent. I realize babies do not come out of the vag with a set of instructions, but seriously - I think most people know the world "no."
I love my ILs. Let me preface that again: I love my ILs. But seriously set some fvcking rules for your kids. Do not let them come into my house, run around like banshees, crash into walls, jump off the stairs, and attempt to destroy everything around them. My dears SILs set no rules for their kids, and if you tell the kids "no", they cry. One eats nothing but poptarts, peanut butter crackers and chips (and you may think I am exaggerating, but I'm not - last night dinner was chips and then she got 3 cookies).
I never acted like these children growing up, the children in my family do not act like this, DH and his siblings didn't act like this growing up - so I don't get what went wrong. I find it frustrating b/c I like his SILs, but I feel like their parenting is a reflection of who they are and it makes me sad that they don't care enough to set rules and feed the children healthy. It makes me not want to leave our LO with any of them (except the one SIL who doesn't have kids yet, but has commented on the situation with the other kids). The oldest girl is so aggressive that my youngest brother (20 years younger than me!!!!) who is the sweetest, nicest, and will play with anyone - does not want to play with her and has asked on occasion that she not come over when he is there b/c she is so mean. A 9 year old asked this!
I feel horrible that I feel this way, and I know DH is frustrated as well. What pisses me off even more is when people have attempted to bring things up to them, they brush it off as "you don't know what it's like to have kids." I'm sorry but that is a total cop out and the excuse for everything. I've been a social worker for 8 years for children services, I think I have a pretty good idea. Not to mention, not every child on the planet acts like these spoiled brats - so I'm seeing a parenting FAIL somewhere here. I feel bad for saying they are brats, but ugh - I am so frustrated. I don't want to unload on DH, but we can not have what happened last night happen again.
Sorry, I just needed to let it out before DH gets home.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Why can't people parent their children?
I know how you feel. ?One of my family members (who shall remain nameless) has the same parenting style. ?I once told her son "no" and he literally started screaming until his face was bright red. ?His mother's response was "Oh, you can't tell him no!" ?WHAT????!!!!!! ?I might not be a parent yet, but I am a kindergarten teacher and know from experience that this style of parenting will only lead to HUGE problems when the children are placed in a setting where they are expected to follow rules. ?
I know it's difficult to deal with because you can't say anything, so you just have to put a smile on your face and pretend you aren't going to completely lose your mind.
?Good luck!
Everyone has different parenting styles and one thing I've learned is that one of the biggest insults you can give someone is to tell them they're a bad parent.
However, even when I encounter people whose styles I don't agree with, I live by "my home, my rules". Any kids that come into my home obey my rules and if they don't like it, they never have to visit again. I've had a friend stay away for awhile because her son thought I was mean, but I won't have him setting a bad example for my child.
You can't control what they do in their home, only what you allow them to do in yours.
I'm taking Child Development II in college and they do say that children need to be taught how to behave and what is right and wrong.
I'm sorry that you ILs don't seem like they care to set rules. It seems to me that they are the permissive type of parent because I'd hope they are not the rejecting-neglecting type.
I was permissive with my daughter. I let her get her way all the time and thought EVERYTHING she did was cute, but that soon changed when I realized she was walking all over me.
I hope things get better for your ILs and the children, too!
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
And then I get them when they are 12 and completely out of control and the parents wonder why they are always in trouble...and often ask for parenting advice!!
We know people like that and have followed the "our house, our rules" philosophy.
Good luck!