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Infertility
This afternoon has been rough (long and I am wallowing)
I dont know what's wrong with me. I guess just being at work and being away from DH has got me down and thinking about everything. You know, sometimes, I wish I were one of those people who didn't want kids more than anything. I wish I could say that I would be ok if it didn't happen. But I'm not and I won't be. It's the honest truth. I really don't understand how I am 26 years old, have had 5 BFPs and have absolutely nothing to show for it but bitterness and anger. I really can not believe that this is the third christmas that we will not be pregnant or have a baby. T
his afternoon my mood just nose dived and I've been on the verge of breaking down ever since lunch. The lady who I had given advice to about OPKs came and told me that she didn't get pregnant. When she walked in the door, I stopped breathing. Literally. Held my breath because we would have pretty much been at the exact same point and the last thing I need to hear is that she is pregnant. Of course, I feel like total sh!t about that because she has suffered multiple losses. She finally had a little boy and they have been trying for a couple years for the second.I wanted us to be pregnant together.
Why couldn't it have just been a BFN? I asked Him not to let us hurt again, to please let it be a BFN if we were just going to have it taken away again. I am so sick of all of it but I don't want to quit. I guess I am just an idiot and a glutten for punishment. As all I can think about is when we will cycle again after the new year. That, and our vacation. Because it honestly pisses me the f*ck off to be here and act like a give a sh!t about what these idiots have to say.
I am all over the place today. This morning, I was in a good (better) place. I'm sorry. There is really nothing to say, I know. Just wanted to vent to the people that get it.
On a (less) pathetic note, do you think it would be crazy for me to ask my RE to do a hysteroscopy? I've never had one, so WTH not. Can you do a hysteroscopy in the same cycle as stims?
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Re: This afternoon has been rough (long and I am wallowing)
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
hey AB -
i'm sorry you are feeling so awful - i haven't had as many losses as you and i ask Him everyday why he gave us those precious babies so easily only to take them away and not bless us again soon........i admire your strength...
i would ask for a hysteroscopy or other tests at this point...i would want to see if there was something else going on....i hope you feel better and get your BFsP soon....
TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs
I'm so, so sorry hon.
(((((hugehugs)))))
Unexplained Infertility
After two Clomid cycles, three injectable IUI cycles, two IVFs, two miscarriages, and one lap surgery, IVF #2 has brought us our little boy!
TTC #2
After months of being postponed or cancelled, FET #1.3 (Natural FET) brought us twin girls!
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this again and again.
I'll tell you that in my experience that hysteroscopy had to occur during a break cycle. But I think my RE likes to let the uterus heal afterward (and I always have something that has to be removed). Maybe if they are just looking around in there you don't have to sit out a cycle.
So sorry you are having a rough day. However, you are right to feel the way you do. It is NOT fair that you have suffered so much.
As for the hysterosopy, I would defintely ask for one, especially to see if there is anything in there that could be contributing to your losses. Have they done any testing or have any thoughts to why they keep occuring? I don't know about sitting out a cycle, but for the peace of mind, I probably do the hysteroscopy even if it meant to. GL and ((HUGS)).
We've had all the blood tests including the karyotyping and all that has been found are my clotting disorders which is what my RE contributes the losses to. I've had an HSG and an SHG (in 2008) both were fine. No hysteroscopy and I think I am going to ask for one, but I dont want to sit out.
Dammit, I am so sorry you are on this sh*tastic trip. I want to give you the biggest hug ever.
Please don't get down on yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but you ARE going to have a baby in your arms. We are all here for you.
Early loss 10/08
Lap 1/09
IVF #1 "natural IVF" - 1 egg retrieved, missed m/c
Tried several mini-stim cycles with no response
Switched clinics - dx'd as carrier for Fragile X
IVF #2 MDL protocol Jan/Feb converted to IUI, BFN
IVF #2 take 2: Antagonist, one embie, BFN
IVF #3: Antagonist, no fertilization
One last ditch effort at OE IVF (antagonist with Clomid) cancelled
DE cycle #1 Jan/Feb 2011, BFP, ectopic
DE cycle #2 June/July 2011 - BFP
10/28/11 Baby girl lost at 17 weeks due to pre-term labor. We love and miss you.
DE cycle #3 June/July 2012 - BFP, twins, both heartbeats stopped, D&C
2 frosties but don't know what's next
FET Dec 2012: BFP! Praying this one sticks for the long haul!
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. ?Life is just not fair.
Lots of (((HUGS))) to you!?
IVF #1 = BFP!! So blessed to have our baby boy! IVF #2 = Convert to frozen - 1 frostie! IVF #3 = Convert to frozen - 1 frostie! FET #1 = 8/14, Two transferred, One stuck! Praying for another healthy miracle! Due: 5/2/13
A hysteroscopy could never hurt.... you need to do it before you cycle again, though.
We did mine leading up to when we planned to do IVF the first time (in July) while I was on BCPs, and since we found a septum and they removed it, all plans were cancelled. I'd never had an HSG, granted, but my RE likes to do hysteroscopies to make sure everything looks good. We had to do a second one a month later to make sure all was healed properly, then were able to do IVF the month after that.
We now suspect that the septum is why I m/c the time I got pregnant on my own.
I hope everything gets better and you get your sticky baby soon!